The Frampton Family

"A Soldier's Christmas" and mine's not coming home, either.

2010-11-10T19:15:00.000-07:00

The following poem was forwarded to me two years ago by my dad and very little did I know at that time that my own husband would be gone during this Christmas season serving his country, away from his wife and two little daughters.
I now have such a personal respect for this poem and I thank Michael Marks for writing it and sharing it with all of us.
Please think about our family and other soldier's families during this Christmas season who do not have the taken-for-granted blessing of being together during such a special time of year:

I was thinking about our servicemen overseas this Holiday Season and wrote 
the following in hope of bringing a small bit of Christmas cheer to active 
duty and veterans alike ... just a humble thanks and "God Bless." Please 
feel free to pass it along or post it as you see fit. Thank you.

Happy Holidays,
Michael Marks

*****************************************************************************************

A Soldier's Christmas
By Michael Marks

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight;
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight;
The sparkling lights in the tree, I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep
In perfect contentment or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eye when it tickled my ear;
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near;
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold;
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light,
Then he sighed and he said "It's really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.

"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line
That separates you from the darkest of times;
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.

"My Gramps died at 'Pearl' on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram' always remembers;
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam,
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

"I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile;"
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red white and blue ... an American flag.

"I can live through the cold and the being alone
Away from my family, my house and my home;
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.

"I can carry the weight of killing another
Or lay down my life with my sisters and brothers
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To insure for all time that this flag will not fall.

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least
Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.

"For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

Michael Marks
December 7th, 2000

************************************************************************

In loving appreciation of the countless Americans who have and continued 
to serve in the Armed Forces and those who gave their lives for their 
country. Your sacrifices will never be forgotten. We look forward to the 
day you come home. God bless and keep you always, and God Bless America.

Michael

Time drags or time flies, either way it still passes.

2010-10-22T01:42:00.000-06:00

So here I am finally updating my blog again! I haven't been able to get on here much to update so I'm sorry for the major delay.

Lots has been happening around here and most of it has been excruciatingly stressful for me, and my girls, and my family that I'm living with.

I have been deeply and painfully hurt more than I can ever think of before in my life just in the last day and I don't see any efforts in this being rectified. I just wish SO MUCH that Latter Day Saints would truly try to be beings of true Integrity, Loyalty, and strictly keep the sacred covenants they've made in holy Temples with God.
People who choose to rationalize their behavior cause so much hurt and pain for others, especially those closest to them, and they don't see the hurt hearts of their loved ones as the real issue but that the hurt loved ones must be out of line to feel that way.

Anyway, that's all I'll say about that. I just have been thinking a LOT lately about Integrity, Honesty, and Obedience.

I've been looking for every opportunity to teach my little girls these most important and essential virtues. I enjoy teaching my girls, and I always feel directed by the Holy Ghost when doing so, and I know just what to say. It's the most amazing feeling.
Reminds me of when I was serving a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to the people of Buenos Aires Argentina. I love teaching the Truth and WITH THE SPIRIT.

Last week I had surgery. It was highly recommended by two of my doctors so I finally had it done. The pain I experience daily is more than one can bear without help from outside sources (such as a pill or two, or three). I know that I complain a lot, and I know I seem pathetic to many, but the fact is people don't REALLY CARE what you're experiencing and going through unless they've been there before and understand exactly what it's like or they're currently going through the same things right now.
I am finding so many good friends online that understand and support me and it's been a huge blessing!
Other Army Wives and other women who suffer from Interstitial Cystitis have become a HUGE strength to me! And a vast resource of information as well. It's been wonderful and I don't feel as alone as I could be.

The surgery went well. When I was coming to from the anesthesia I remember dreaming that Tyler wasn't there and I was frantic for him to be there. I was so distraught over his absence that I did not realize that I was thrashing around and they had to hold me down. How embarrassing is that? I've NEVER woken from anesthesia in such a horrible state!
So I bruised my knee and tore my stitches a little, making them bleed, and only causing myself further pain. I guess I wasn't breathing at all because I vaguely remember them making me use an inhaler a couple of times and them giving me more meds and yada yada.
Then my mom came in and I was totally groggy. In and out. I remember them saying every time I fell asleep I'd completely stop breathing. It's funny cuz I always warn the nurses that I have Sleep Apnea and they assume that keeping me propped up with help. lol. NOPE. I don't have the obstruction type that most people have (cuz they're fat or they have tiny air passages or enlarged adnoids, etc), but cuz my brain does not send the signal for me to breath. It sucks royally. I will never sleep well, or at all, without a CPAP machine or oxygen. Kinda a bummer huh? lol oh well!!

Then I was super pleasantly surprised that my best friend Kristen showed up!! I had hoped she would be able to but wasn't counting on it since she's such a super busy lady working so much and taking care of her kiddos, but she came!!! It was SO NICE seeing her and she immediately cheered me up!! I was so grateful that two of the most important people in my life were there with me. I felt safe and comforted and finally could calm down enough that they could release me.

Well, since the surgery my pain has only worsened. Honestly it's MUCH worse than I even let off it to be. I feel so awful that I'm not up and about and helping do anything. I do feel I'm doing well with the girls considering my state, but I wish I could do better. I'm especially distraught, still, over my husband not being home with me.
Anyway, I've had a fever for 5 days now since I've been checking and my abdomen swelling won't go away. I've lost a couple pounds, too. It's hard to eat because it hurts and I get nauseated easily.
So the doc had me come in a week early to check me out. He said to just keep an eye on myself to make sure the pain doesn't get worse or doesn't get better at all and if my fever stays or gets higher that it's a possibility that I have a little internal bleeding going on. Wonderful huh? lol.

Now on another interesting and sad note for me, my brother, Erik, is leaving for the Army in 3 days!!!!! I'm going to miss him terribly! I'm sad I probably won't see him again for YEARS. He's going to training. Okay he'll be back for Christmas that lucky dog since my husband isn't allowed the same privileges (nor do we have the money for it even if he COULD come home) so I will see him again for a couple of days at least.
He's doing infantry, the crazy man. hahaha. But I'm sure he'll do so great and that he'll love it! Erik's such a stud! But I'm very sad he's leaving.

Lacie is having a hard time with kids in school. The boys around here seem to be a little perverted or something. They relentlessly tease Lacie trying to kiss her or pretending to kiss her, trying to look up her shirt, spanking her bottom, throwing things at her, and calling her names. I don't want to tell her that boys do that if they like you because I don't think it's fair for her to accept this mean trait from boys and be okay with a jerk later on in life thinking "it's cuz he loves me that he's such a jerk". Nope. So I tell her to ignore them, walk away, tell them to grow up, and to go tell her teacher right away. At any rate I keep her teacher well informed of the happenings at her school.
Sophie has bad dreams still and asks me sometimes if her daddy is dead. It's awful! Even though she sees him sometimes on the internet talking to her, she still fears this. She's becoming more used to him being gone now, which is good, but she's still very clingy and emotional.
Both my girls are emotional.
And suffering from depression that I'm not quite sure how to combat at this time. Especially since I can't drive and hardly walk or play or do anything.
I do read to them a lot and encourage their cute picture drawing and have them in dance class and hopefully starting music classes soon.
So I'm doing the best I can with what I've got.

I'm still living at my parents home and they're pretty much all that I have family-wise that's been supportive to me and my girls.
My ward has been WONDERFUL, too! They've taken the girls so much to help and it's so wonderful and the girls love it and need it!

So there's the update for you.
NO we don't know if we're going to Korea yet. Apparently we were misinformed of being approved to go over there. WE HAVE NOT. It's NOT been approved and they're not any where near approving it either. So we're just sitting here frustrated beyond words and Tyler's lonely without us and depressed and everything else. I pray he clings to the Church and it's members while there. They'll be a huge support and blessing in his life.

Please pray for us. We need the prayers again, very desperately.
I cannot divulge everything on here, but I shared quite a bit already and try as I may to be positive and count my blessings every single day, life pretty much is the pits right now.

Thanks for reading another novel by me, if you read it.

He's Listening

2010-09-16T18:36:00.000-06:00

So things have been hard for us lately, no matter how optimistic we try to be, that's the truth. I know everybody struggles with things in their life that are hard at any given time, and sometimes we're blessed with breaks here and there I think, and other times we're blessed with really hard times that really can make or break a person depending on how they choose to accept it.
Right now things are very, very hard. I'm trying my best to be happy for the girls and Tyler and myself and others, and I know I greatly fall short of this, but I am doing my best and with the Lord's help I'm doing even better than I thought possible for myself.

Yesterday, after a bit of bad news here and there, I was home alone (for once lol) and felt it safe to let my emotions out for a few minutes and allowed myself to cry. Or better yet, the tears just came and I didn't have to worry about hiding them like usual.
So I bawled my eyes out and was feeling very weak (as some people have called me) and pathetic and just a little hopeless and started praying to help me feel strengthened somehow and to please bless me with any good news for a change or something to keep me going. I prayed to know if Heavenly Father was hearing me, was aware of what we are going through, and if I'm all alone or have support.
I went back out to my car where groceries were waiting in the trunk to be taken out and as I opened the trunk a car pulled up behind me. I turned and two members of my bishopric came out of the car.
I assumed they were looking for my parents, obviously, since this is their home, and felt really embarrassed that they caught me crying like an idiot. I told them nobody was home and where my dad was (at the church at the time, with my girls), and they said "we're here to see you".
They said they'd felt impressed to visit me.

They asked me how I was doing and I was actually kinda shocked at first and didn't really know what to say. Then I started to tell them a little bit about what was going on. They offered to help me with anything I needed. So I finally gave in and let them help me bring my groceries in, which was wonderful since the amount of pain I was in was a lot, and then my brother Josh showed up so we weren't alone in the house. It was so perfect. They asked what else they could do for me and I felt prompted to ask for a blessing. I received a blessing and a feeling of love enveloped me by the Lord. I felt comforted, loved, protected, understood, sheltered, and uplifted.

My testimony was strengthened last night as a result of this. I was feeling so sad and was asking Heavenly Father for anything, really, and he sent two angels to me right in the moment that I needed them most! He answered my prayer the instant I asked, and blessed me greatly!
I felt his love and I can tell you it was similar to what Alma the Younger said in the Book of Mormon in Alma 36:21: "Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy."
Maybe my experience wasn't as grand, huge, and miraculous as Alma the Younger's was, but this is how I felt, or something very similar to it, and I know it was from my loving Heavenly Father.

God does love us. He is aware of what we are going through and what our needs are. He understands us. And, above all else, He is listening.
He heard my prayers and answered them, strengthening me, lifting me, and enveloping me with the compassion, love, and sympathy I so needed and only He can understand that I need, and needed, so much.
Thank you for blessing me with the Gift of the Holy Ghost and for my membership in God's Church where the Priesthood is real and alive and true.

Life Won't Stop :)

2010-09-07T13:28:00.000-06:00

So Lacie has her first loose tooth!! One of her little bottom teeth is very loose and the adult tooth is already coming out behind it. Yikes! You can also see the second adult tooth trying to push out next to it, and BOY are they crooked! Poor girl! Her baby teeth are PERFECT. They're pearly white, perfectly straight, and healthy! Now her new adult teeth are sure to be all crooked. But what can you expect with both parents having crooked teeth? haha.
She's in First Grade now and I cannot believe it! It's like it never quite sinks in how old my Lacie is getting. She's in school all day long now and I sure do miss her. But it's also nice cuz it gives me a little break to get a little more done during the day.
I was going to sign Sophie up for preschool but I just couldn't swallow paying so much money just to send her away and have someone else do for her what I should be doing, ya know? Maybe when she's Lacie's age she'll go to school, but for now she's happy being home with mommy and grandma.
I did sign the girls up for their very first dance class!!!! I'm SO excited! I've wanted to do this since I first found out I was having a girl. Seriously! This class teaches mostly Jazz but also a little Tumbling and Ballet and also Voice! I'm THRILLED. I've been looking for singing lessons/classes for my girls everywhere! They only go once a week, but that's plenty for now :). Next I need to figure out swimming lessons lol.

We've been LOVING having Skype!! Holy cow it's such a wonderful blessing having such advanced technology! If it wasn't for Skype we'd never get to talk and I don't even have an address to write to him so we'd have NO communication at all going on right now. So I'm SUPER grateful for Skype right now!
Of course Tyler's hours are 15 ahead of us, so trying to find a convenient time to talk to him is very, very difficult! He's asleep when I'm up and we're sleeping when he's up, or he's gone in his boring briefings for Inprocessing required by the Army during the day. *sigh*. And life goes on, right?

Once again our effort at trying to get pregnant has failed. I guess the Lord doesn't want to send more of His children down yet. It's not the right time, or place, either. But who knows, maybe there's a child waiting for adoption somewhere eh? That would be cool!

The paperwork and extra work I have to do now is just piling up and it's an enormous amount. It's so huge that it's intimidating me so it's been a little difficult to completely delve into it. My brain just can't concentrate like it used to and right now I've been mostly thinking about us going to Korea to join Tyler there. It's kinda consumed me, but I gotta just relax and completely trust in the Lord, ya know? Yeah, there might be evil men that do things to keep us from going over there, that's their choice and God can't force anybody, but for now I KNOW it's right for us to join him, it's just a matter of being patient and having faith and hope, and pulling the right strings.
Tyler's really anxious to get with his Unit and meet his Sponsor. I really hope things go smoothly for him there. So far they have, so that's a good sign. He was SO stressed about it all working out but now it seems to be so he can relax a little.

So life won't stop moving along even though things aren't exactly where we want them, and our kids keep growing up even though we don't want them to, not yet anyway. I wish I had more time with them while they're little. Before we know it they're grown and I wonder if we've taught them well enough, after all, it's a HUGE responsibility to teach our children the way they should go and how they should believe and hopefully they'll choose the right thanks to our teachings and examples. I do worry about this enough to remember to teach my children the Gospel and read the Scriptures to them and pray with them daily and take them to Church and sing Primary songs with them and more.
Okay enough rambling. This is longer than I meant it to be. As usual. :)

He's Gone!!

2010-09-01T16:27:00.000-06:00

I cannot believe Tyler is GONE!
I talked to him a few minutes here and a few minutes there in between his flights. Poor guy was completely and entirely exhausted! He's in the air right now, on Delta, not even half-way to Korea yet.
I feel like doing NOTHING today. Funny huh?
My girls and I have been lounging around the house. Me in my PJ's and yes, I did get them dressed and fed, watching TV and wasting time on the good ol' PC.
I go between bouts of crying and just being numb so far.

I cannot wait to hear from him! I'm so anxious to find out what he finds out about our Command Sponsorship and Housing and a phone and Skype and all that other stuff to keep us connected. I also wonder where on earth he's going to be living!

The saying-goodbye thing is over, thank goodness, but it was so incredibly hard!
I bawled my eyes out and so did Lacie. She and I both cried all the way home. My poor brother Josh had to listen to it all, but I was glad he was there so I wasn't alone. I hate being alone, ya know? Just the way I am I guess, although I do like my time alone, too. Hmmm.
Anyway, Josh and Andrea got some good pics of us at the airport. I wonder if I'll ever be able to figure out how to get pictures on here like everyone does. lol. I'm just not that good at technology.

So there's a little update for now. I hope that things work out for us to be together soon! I hope I can talk to him soon, too! He'll be landing in Seoul Korea at 5:30am our time and 4:30pm his time on Wednesday. Craziness!!!
Wish us luck! As usual :)

Life Is No Party

2010-08-31T02:07:00.000-06:00

I know that there are some of you that simply do not understand sharing feelings online. Here's why I do it. 1. I feel it has the potential to reach others out there who need it; it will help them 2. it helps me feel better 3. it's good for others to hear what others are feeling and going through so that they know that nobody is a robot and we all have feelings and deserve compassion and empathy. So if you do not like reading about my "feelings" then just stop and please, no more condescending, "well-meaning", critical and judgmental emails and comments to me. Just bug off if you don't like it.

Okay now that I got that out I can go on :)

Our trip home from Virginia was not without a few bumps and adventures on the way. It took us 4 days to get home. That's what happens when you have Buddy Passes. They're so unreliable. But on top of those nasty things, the Army messed up with Tyler's paperwork so made us stay a day over. Civvies who do the paperwork don't ever go above and beyond nor do they act like they care that they're messing around with people's LIVES and families here. So it cost us SO much money. We had to change flights, add hotels and car rental days, food, gas, etc. It was horrible on our wallet and our psyches, but it was good, so good, to be together for those days. I just feel bad that it robbed our children of those days with their father. But I suppose everything happens for a reason.
We had many wonderful people step up and offer to help us find a way home. It was a miracle how things worked out. My mom got busy notifying her many email groups of our situation and many, many people jumped to our aid!! We're eternally grateful to these people who helped! Tyler's sister helped fly us home, too, when our Buddy Passes didn't work.
We went from Virginia to Boston, Boston to Las Vegas, Las Vegas to Salt Lake City. We stayed in Boston for a whole day and night and WOW it was an amazing place! We were right down-town historical Boston. We stayed at the oldest running hotel in the country and it was surreal for us. Cost us a pretty penny, though, but we had no other choice unless we wanted to sleep on the dirty streets and possibly get mugged lol. We also got to stay the night in Vegas at a member's home. They fed us and took such good care of us! Like a 5-star hotel!! They wanted to pay our way home but Tyler's sister beat them to it. They were such a wonderful couple!

Since we've been home, we've been able to do a lot of things together as a family. We've seen some movies, gone to Trafalga for bumper cars, carnival rides, XD theatre, arcade games, and more. It was a blast! We also got to go to Utah's Hogle Zoo. That was so fun! The girls had so much fun there! And best of all we've been to the Temple several times to help do one of my best friend's family Temple work. It was AMAZING and truly the work of God.
Besides having to deal with unecessary and exaggerated drama, things were really, really good! And it went by too fast. Of course.

Tyler leaves today for South Korea. We are not happy. We are dreading the likelihood that our family will be split apart for TWO YEARS!!!!!!
There are many who are trying to stay positive for us, which we appreciate, but I think we deserve to cry about it, too. It's all very hard and discouraging. It's almost too much to bear.
Tonight so far we've been crying. There's no party going on over here! Just heartache, despair, sorrow, fear, hope, sadness, anger, confusion, humbleness, prayers, and more.
The girls beg Tyler to stay home.
I cannot believe he's leaving already, and for so very long!

You know, it's one thing to have a family member or close friend go away for a while, but when it's YOUR SPOUSE it's waaaaay different. We're used to sleeping in bed next to each other, our intimacy, being best friends, doing everything together, and experiencing everything in life together. Now being forced apart is torturous.
People say "I could never do that". well, neither can we. But we don't have a choice so we deal with it. Other people say "I know how you feel. My husband has gone on business trips for x amount of time" You can know a tiny bit, but really not as much. Being gone for weeks at a time vs months at a time..... um, big difference. Much harder. My mom can't even bear to think about what it'd feel like to have my dad gone for 6 months to 2 years. It's just too much, ya know?

What gets me even more upset than anything is knowing there are people out there that do not apreciate or support our soldiers and families. It makes me SICK. How ungrateful and selfish and self-centered are these people!! Do you even realize the HUGE SACRIFICE our family is going through and other families like ours? Do you understand? Do you care? Are you capable of having feeling for someone else's situation besides your own?
Right now we both feel like there are some that are only thinking of how this is affecting them and not us. He feels slightly smothered. But meh, what can ya do, right?

So Tyler leaves today. He flies to VA, then from VA to Detroit, then Detroit to we think Tokyo for a gas-stop, then to Seoul Korea where he'll get a bus ticket for a 4 hour ride to Camp Carroll for inprocessing. We have no idea where he'll go after that and we have no idea if we'll get to come over later to join him or not.
You know, him doing this is better than serving a mission. 1. he's safer 2. he can use skype 3. he can use phones whenever not just twice a year 4. he can come home to visit 1-2 a year 5. he's getting paid for it. It's not worse than a mission as some seem to think lol.

Anyway, this time Tyler leaving is a lot harder than the first time. It's WAY harder. And it's making us both sick. I feel bad for both my girls and for us. Our situation isn't one that anybody can be jealous of, that's for sure, BUT, our marriage is soooo strong and our family so tight! The Lord has greatly blessed us and kept us and he's blessed our family with His Spirit and I KNOW that because of our obedience to Him that we've been blessed. It's almost as if God has been carrying us through all of this.

Honestly, we are not your average military family. It seems as if other military families handle this just fine and don't mind being apart so much. But with us it's pure torture and we hate every minute of it, BUT, we know it's right, we know it's what the Lord wants of us, of Tyler. So, we "go and do as the Lord doth command" (1 Nephi 3:7).

Please, if you will, pray that we'll be able to join Tyler in Korea soon! And pray that we're all kept safe and strong!
Thank you for all your support!

And thank you mom and dad for all the sacrifices you have made for us! For the money you've given us, the home to live in, the food, the spirituality we've needed, the support, and more. You haven't been intrusive or manipulative, you haven't been worrying about your feelings above ours, and you've been a huge blessing to us, being an answer to many prayers! I know Heavenly Father has blessed you for it and will continue to do so.
And thank you to our best friends who have stood by our side through it all! Through the ups and downs, and for your support and encouragement, for your listening ear and more.
And thanks to all other family and friends who have been here for us, supported us, blessed us, prayed for us, helped us, encouraged us, loved us both, accepted us both. You support me, you support Tyler and if you support Tyler you support me. We are ONE. :)

okay, now I better get off so I can supposedly and maybe get some sleep.

Feeling Anxious

2010-07-29T12:45:00.000-06:00

Time is getting closer and closer to when I get to go get Tyler and bring him home. I WAS looking forward to having just our family at the airport to welcome him home, give us a few moments alone before everybody else.... but that's not going to happen now. It was going to be a surprise for my girls and them alone. I feel so bad for my little girls, their moment is going to be stolen from them.

I cannot wait to have my husband home again, with our family. It feels so unnatural to not have him with us as a family. The girls and I and he have all suffered being apart. I pray God allows us to be together for the next while, even if it's in Korea.

Anyway, my brother Erik wrote something a while ago that my sister Andrea came across and I really wanted to share it on here. It's profound, true, and I wish that not only would members really read this and understand it, but that other people of other faiths would, too.

For some strange reason, members/Mormons identify prosperity with righteousness. They want to prove they are righteous by being wealthy. This is a mistake. If anyone really believes that blessedness in its fullest sense can be measured in dollars and cents, he is wrong.

On the other hand, the promise remains true that if we keep the commandments of God, if we are generous, if we care about others, if we don't trust in riches, if we are willing to consecrate in spirit--eventually all we possess--then we will be magnified and will have sufficientfor our needs.

What you want is not always what you need.

So there ya go.

Now to get back to my many, huge chores. They sure feel mountainous right now.
I'm still praying for our family to be together in South Korea. I hope you guys are praying for us, too.

SOUTH KOREA???? ............ :/

2010-07-24T02:18:00.000-06:00

I know I haven't written for a little bit so I just felt I ought to anyway. I've been waiting for some really good news to write about but things are on hold and I don't for how much longer they will be.

The process to get my family ready for Korea has been an INSANE one! It's been very difficult!
If it wasn't for the surprise move to my mother's house then things wouldn't have been so hectic, stressful, and difficult.

The girls and I had FOURTEEN doctor visits in ONE WEEK. Let's see all of you do that, eh? hahaha. Okay I know many do this on a regular basis, but we're not used to it. Plus they weren't all in one place but all over Utah and Salt Lake counties. It was so crazy! There was tonz of paperwork. We had to fill out 3 forms plus a stack of more medical paperwork, plus get all our legal paperwork together, and I had to get signatures from all my doctors and notes, plus the dentist for all three of us.
I had a very tight deadline to get all of this done. Luckily all my doctors and the new dentist understood and put us top priority, and even then we still had a lot of hurrying-up and waiting to do (the Military's Motto: Hurry up and wait).

Meantime Tyler was doing his own running around at Fort Lee VA. He had appointments left and right, paperwork to fill out, and he had to completely rely on me to get my stuff done by a certain deadline and I had to rely on him for the same. Talk about a time-crunch!

During all of this we were moving the SAME TIME!!! Because I was not anticipating a move so soon nothing was packed or cleaned or ready to go, so I had a huge job to do. Thank Heavens I was blessed with a few angels who came and helped! Nancy Bentley and her daughter and sons, my relief society president Sis Nielson, my sweet sister Andrea Pearson, my sister-in-law Alicia Pearson, my best friend Kristen Lanier, another good friend Mollee Suafo'a, and my other sister-in-law Andrea K. Pearson, my mother Betty Pearson, (these last two watched my girls for hours!!!!), and my home-teachers, most of the Elder's Quorum, and other friends and family here and there. It was a huge blessing to receive all this help! If it wasn't for these people, and others, I would NOT have made it!!! Simply put. It would've been impossible. Of course I was still left with A LOT to do and it was overwhelming.
After the move I got sick and exhausted. I knew I would. I usually do after such stressful and difficult things that grind me to the bone.

On top of all of this Tyler got his orders to S. Korea. This has me TERRIFIED. Not because of any danger, because Korea is THE PLACE TO GO right now for families and soldiers alike (it's a HUGE blessing he got this!!!), but because being apart from Tyler has nearly been crippling for me. A few have called me weak. Well, that's their short-sightedness I think, and their "fault" for thinking that way. Tyler and I have a very good and close relationship. We have a different relationship. And being apart is NOT easy on either of us. NOT because of weakness, but because we are best friends with each other and we enjoy each other's company and we equally carry the yoke of our marriage and children and responsibilities. We build each other up and carry the other one if we're having a hard time.
The part that's the absolute most torturous for both of us is having the girls away from their father. They are DADDY'S GIRLS. He is VERY VERY good with children. Children naturally love him, trust him, and surround him. That's one that that attracted me to him from the beginning. He is my girls' life-line. It's not because he's done everything for them, but because he's done as much for them as I have. From what I've seen most fathers don't do this, unfortunately. Either because they cannot, or because they choose not. The latter is a very, very sad thing. Tyler chose to be close to his girls.

Anyway, right now we're WAITING and WAITING and WAITING and WAITING to hear if we get to accompany him to Korea!!! We've both been earnestly praying and fasting for this. It's a righteous desire, and very possible. So far we've had so many miracles along the way and we're praying for another miracle. We are really hoping all our family and friends will pray for this, too. Tyler will be a much happier and productive soldier, and safer, if his family is with him in a very family-friendly and safe place.

So right now I'm excited and also very hesitant about the Korea idea. If we get the YES I will be ECSTATIC and then I'll start the grieving process for leaving my friends and family behind for YEARS, but until then I'm walking around in this very frail bubble (as my family is coming to experience and realize this first-hand, sorry guys) until we can know what the final decision will be.

If anybody has any free time at all and a willing hand, PLEASE come visit me and my girls!! Please pray for us! Please help if you can/will! Don't be shy or hesitant. Trust me, GOD WILL BLESS YOU IF YOU DO, I know this!!!

Anyway, thanks to everyone who has been so helpful to us already! Even if you might not like me very much, if you're helping me you're helping our CHILDREN and TYLER and GOD.

And please, if you feel like being calloused toward me then pray for understanding and compassion and charity. And pray for our family to stay together!!
And thank you for reading this entire novel! hahaha!!

If you are in Korea or moving there or have lived there please write me! I want to know everything possible about that place, AND, if there's anything else I/we can do to ensure us traveling WITH Tyler to Korea and living there with him!!

Thank you all!!!

Too Much Is Happening!

2010-06-30T02:55:00.000-06:00

WOW I cannot believe how time has flown by lately!
And WOW I can't believe all the things that have been happening!

On a good starting note, I've maintained the weight I've lost, which makes me very happy :D I hope to lose more soon, but I'm not ready yet. It takes sheer will power and hard work to do it and you have to be 100% dedicated or you'll probably fail! So I have to be READY and I'm not quite there yet. I will be very soon, though!

In a little over a month Tyler will be graduating from Advanced Individual Training!!! (AIT). I am SO excited!!!!!!! He was offered to sign up with the Rangers and the Old Guard, too, but passed on the Rangers since neither of us felt it was quite right. I didn't tell him what to do either way, but when we talked about it we both knew already what was right. The Old Guard would be SO awesome since he'd be guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier!!! That would be the most HONORABLE thing to do in the military, in my opinion, but his waist isn't tiny enough and he may be just 1" too short!! lol I love him just the way that he is, but the Army is very strict with how they do EVERYTHING.

So I leave TOMORROW to fly out to see Tyler!!! I am ECSTATIC!! It's all I can think about!! Of course I get anxiety over my safety getting to and from there, over Tyler being allowed a Pass to spend time with me, over spending money we do not have, over leaving the girls with friends and family and trusting they'll be 100% completely safe, and also anxiety over everything that will be staying at home alone without us to protect it from crappy neighbors, and every other little and big responsibility I have. WOW I feel overwhelmed right now!! (and NO I am not "FRANTIC", as one anonymous person said to me a little while ago. Try walking in my shoes for ONE DAY before passing judgment!).
Anyway, Tyler and I NEED this time together and we're so excited! I cannot wait! We were hoping to go to Washington D.C. to the Temple and to the Holocaust Museum and the White House, but it's a crazy commute there so I'm not sure if it'll work out or not. I have everything prepared to go there, but we'll see. We may just go to Busch Gardens (for free, thank you to those who honor and respect military families and give awesome discounts!!!) and to the beach or to Williamsburg or whatever. I'll just be happy to BE WITH Tyler!! OF course I'm going to miss my little girlies so very very much, and I know Tyler will hate not having them come with me, but he requested that just I come so we could be alone together for a little bit. Of course he cannot stay in the hotel with me, but I'll be happy with being with him in the daytime :) At least I'm already familiar with the area so I feel comfortable going there alone.

Okay, so we had a recent trauma (well, I did anyway) in the last few days. I couldn't bring myself to write it here since it was so recent, but here's a shorter version of a long, sad story.
My neighbors do not like me because I am LDS. They have told me so. They know where all the LDS people live in our neighborhood/area and have pointed them out and said they "hate" them, no kidding. They don't even know any of us! Anyway, we're friendly and nice but these neighbors are what you call "Jack Mormon's". These people are those who were either offended by other church members or don't like to "be told what to do" (give me a break!!) or think that the Church somehow wronged them or don't like their "rules" and blah blah blah. Pretty much they range anywhere from people who have negative feelings towards the Church and it's members but nothing hostile to completely hostile and do everything they can in their power to try to bring the Church and it's members down. All of these Jack Mormon's were baptized at some point in their life into the Church and didn't get what they thought was owed to them so they left, or they just don't care and like to party instead. This may offend some people to say it, so I'm sorry, just don't be so easily offended ;) lol.
Anyway, my neighborhood is full of these Jack Mormon's. They all party all night long on most nights, and throw up in my yard, break my kids toys, throw cigarettes at our stuff and into our mail box, tear Military stickers off my car, steal the Military magnets (twice now) from my car, steal my kids toys, and torment and tease and hurt my children.
Just yesterday one jerk fed my little Sophie chewed on sunflower seed casings telling her they were nuts. How cruel is that? Makes me SO ANGRY! I seriously want to go kick him in the face. Okay, that was probably too much haha, but really, these guys have pushed it over the line.
They've called the cops on me FOUR TIMES now making things up! I'm SICK of it!! DONE with it. Anyway, they look for reasons to cause fights or problems with me. I usually just mind my own business, keep my distance, wave and say hi once in a while just to show I can be nice, and I try to keep my girls from bothering any of them. It's hard work, especially when they make comments about me almost every time I go outside. I just ignore them, though, realizing they're probably drunk or high, or both, and just want to fight.
One neighbor lady actually attacked me. I don't want to get into all the details here since it'll just make this a lot longer than it needs to be, but she wanted a fight and that's all she was interested in. She was extremely offensive and vulgar, contentious, out-of-control, violent, irrational, and PSYCHO!!!!!!! If I didn't have training in martial arts I would've been on my butt the first time she rammed into me with her gargantuan chest. I blocked all her hits and punches and even though she kept ramming me with her gargantuan chest and body, I managed to stay upright and finally just turned around and walked away. Of course I was yelling back at her, just like "You can't talk to me? You have to swear? I'm not hitting you; I don't want to fight" etc etc. It was SOOO LAME. And it scared the crap out of me!!!!
I do NOT respect any woman who tries to act like a manly street bully. sor ry. no way. She acted like she was some huge black man and seriously it was so annoying and offensive. She's a 6 foot plus white woman, about 300+ pounds. TWICE my size!!! Come on..... pick on someone your own size, right? Wrong. She was out of control.
Anyway, needless to say I do NOT feel safe here!!! I feel like my life is in danger as are my daughters' lives, too. So after the Police came and took contradicting statements from all our druggy neighbors who are her party-pals, and he advised me to move from all these hostile neighbors and situation, I called my mom, the landlord, and the storage unit place and made arrangements to start moving IMMEDIATELY. I am moving to my mom's house.

I am honestly so overwhelmed right now that I've made myself sick. I've had a fever for days now, stomach aches, headaches, and poor concentration. My hair is falling out, I feel nauseated, my skin has broken out, and I'm so tired I can hardly sleep and having violent and disturbing dreams every night. It seems like to most people my situation is annoying but nothing more than that. One person told me "what you're going through would be so easy for me because I can handle stress really well, but I can see how you would be having a hard time with it because you can't handle very much". OUCH WHAT???? She's NEVER been even close to what I've gone through and am going through. Talk about arrogance! Holy cow!! She's like 10 years younger than me.... she has more to learn. Of course she probably didn't realize she came across so harshly. FAIL. (as Josh would put it LOL).
I have a lot to juggle! And right now at this moment I feel torn apart, torn to go in multiple directions so much that it's causing me confusion and stress beyond words.

I have to clean my super messy house (my vacuum is broken), pack everything, sort through and organize my stuff, most has to go to storage and some to my parents, I have to do all of this within a few days, clean the place, change my address at a million different places, cancel contracts with different providers, pack my luggage for the trip, pack my girl's luggages for their "trips", and do all of this in 1 1/2 weeks while taking 6 days of that 1 1/2 weeks and being away with Tyler. My landlord expects me to have my entire place moved out of and cleaned spotless in ONE DAY!!!!!!! IMPOSSIBLE!!! I have to find people who can help me because I literally cannot do this alone. It's impossible. Plain and simple. I do not have a truck. I do not have big enough muscles or a strong enough back to lift even my stupid sofa, let alone the other heavy things I have. I do not have enough boxes. I do not have enough time. I do not have enough brain power at the moment to keep it all organized. SHEESH!!!

Okay, enough complaining. I guess I really felt a need to vent!!!
I just pray that things fall into place as they should and that things won't turn out as bad as I'm fearing them to!!

I know that the Lord is blessing us and has been. I know that these things will make me stronger, wiser, more experienced. But I tell you what, right now it's so hard that I feel like I cannot see an end in sight. I feel trampled on and torn apart, sick and stretched too thin.
I don't even know exactly what to pray for!! haha. But at any rate, at least my life isn't boring, right? :D

PS Thank you to my friends who have come through and helped me! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I have needed you SO much right now, you were an answer to my prayers!!!!!!! And thank you to my family who have helped me!! Thank you soooooooooooo much!!!

PSS I have left a lot of stuff out that has added to my stress. No need to tell everything that is going on, right? lol

Tyler at Advanced Individual Training (AIT) AND MIRACLES!!

2010-06-11T00:21:00.000-06:00

Tyler is having an interesting time at AIT right now. Very interesting. Actually, he put it this way: "It SUCKS. I hate it! I want to come home!" Of course it's only his first week and the first week at BCT he hated it there, too, but in the end loved it and thanked his Drill Sergeants.
He had amazing training at Ft Knox. One of the best Basic Training places you can go to in the U.S. Army. Discipline and honor, exactness and integrity, and much more, are instilled in the soldiers at Fort Knox during BCT (Basic Combat Training).
Tyler learned how to be a REAL soldier there. He's really seeing a difference between the soldiers who were trained elsewhere compared to his battle buddies trained at Ft Knox, and honestly it's really frustrating him. He takes what he does very seriously, as I believe he should, and he feels that many other soldiers do not. Just like in the "real" world, there are soldiers that just refuse to practice self-control and discipline, respect and honor, integrity and responsibility. When one person falls out or goes AWOL or disrespects the rules or their command, they not only get themselves into serious trouble, but their Platoon, and sometimes even their entire Unit or Company.
The other night one of the Sergeants supposedly went into all of the barracks while the soldiers slept and if ANY electronics were left out or their lockers left unlocked these electronics found were taken. So far everything has been returned BUT the cell phones.
So, Tyler is TICKED. His cell phone was taken.
He was placed in the old barracks after they were told they'd be staying in the new barracks. The thing that sucks about the old ones are not only are the roaches really big, bad and ugly, but they have no internet. Tyler's laptop sits mostly unused because of this. And now that his cell phone is gone, too, almost no communication is possible. He's lucky to have made a few good friends at BCT that are with him at AIT that let him use their phone for a few minutes at night to update me or vent to me. I love talking to Tyler, even when he's frustrated :D.
He has asked for prayers to help him get through this, though. He's feeling frustrated and wishing he wasn't there right now. He's wishing he'd chosen Infantry instead of Cooking, and honestly I don't blame him at all. He'd be great at it. But of course he's great at cooking, too!

Today he got to cook! :D He made a Chef's salad and potatoe salad and learned how to make a rose out of tomatoes, I believe. He's an amazing artist so I'm sure his food designs will look awesome! I'm so proud of him! He's just so rad!
He wears a chef's hat, the big, tall white ones, and a chef's coat. I wish I could see him!!!

Now about the miracles!!

I already mentioned the miracle of being able to drive Tyler to AIT, but I must also mention that a very good friend of mine is helping me get to see Tyler over the 4th of July weekend. I can barely contain myself for the excitement from spilling over!!! :D (not sure if that sentence made sense, it's midnight and I'm on pain killers lol). Anyway, another miracle is how quickly I was able to find help from family and friend to take my girlies while I will be away. Thank you SO MUCH Michelle and Mom & Dad Frampton!!! You guys are the BOMB!! :D hahaha. They pulled through right away and I'm just so grateful because both of these people are going through some very hard trials right now and are greatly sacrificing for Tyler and I so that we can be together.
Heavenly Father knows Tyler and I NEED this time together. He's helped every piece fall into place for this to happen.

Also, last night, my mom, dad and I walked to their church so that I could get a Father's Blessing from my dad and some people, who I won't mention here, were asked to watch my girls for me while we were gone. Well..... Sophie was not noticed when she slipped out the door to "follow mommy". We never saw her coming after us. We got to the church and while inside, before the blessing, we heard somebody come in through the church doors and were walking around the foyer sounding a little confused. We assumed it was guys coming to play basketball, like usual, when we heard a little girl's voice. My dad felt to open the office door and see what was going on when we saw Sophie with red little eyes there and two strangers with her. They said they were driving by and saw Sophie wandering the sidewalk crying. She directed them to the church where they came because there was a light on.
Here's the interesting thing about this. My mom doesn't normally leave the foyer light on, but for some reason she felt she ought to. AND, the biggest part of this that was complete proof to my parents and I that God is VERY mindful of my family is that THE CHURCH DOORS WERE LOCKED. There should have been NO possible way for this couple to be able to come in those doors. The Church keeps everything very well sealed, locked and protected. And it's electronically done somehow with the church doors.
If they couldn't have entered the building they would probably have called the police wondering to whom this little 4 yr old girls belonged to. Sophie's small for her age and she looks 3 and sometimes 2 to most people. By a miracle they stopped and picked her up and took her to the Church, opened locked doors, and brought her straight to me.

I have been thanking my Heavenly Father since then for all these miracles.

Tyler and I have been through A LOT. I mean A L O T. I know not as much as most people. But for us, it's been a huge burden. We were tempted with many things, including giving up, but we never did.
We remained faithful to God and His Church; to our testimonies. We remained faithful to each other and to the Covenants we have made with each other and with God. We have persevered, unshaken, immovable, despite all the many different trials and hardships we have been through. We have been persecuted, judged, dismissed, denied, tried, tested, and more, even from those who should've/could've been the best support for us (including the economy hahaha), and have not given up or blamed God. We knew that what we've been going through has been required of us.

We both know that in order to appreciate and know the sweet, we must know the bitter.

I know that the bitterness in life has not finished with us. There will be more to come. But I am grateful for this! It has given us experiences for our good, for our learning, and for our happiness. We more appreciate the blessings and miracles when they come and recognize them as such when we remain humble, accepting the trials God gives us knowing that they are helping us, not hindering us, and that they are not punishments, but blessings to help us grow and become more and more like God every day.
I know that there are two ways to look at things in this life as they come: 1. bitterly, resentfully, angrily, hatefully, disgustedly, and come out worse people. 2. gratefully, humbly, teachable, happily, prayerfully, faithfully, and come out strong and experienced, eyes open wide, hearts softened, and ears ready to hear what God has to teach us.

I pray that we continue faithfully, despite all the trials we are continually going through, and all the trials we have yet to face.
Just keep up your prayers for us as we keep up our prayers for you.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for EVERYthing.

The Adventures of BCT Graduation with Tyler!!! :D

2010-06-06T22:26:00.000-06:00

WOW what a week!!!

I am exhausted! But SO HAPPY!!!!!

Pre-Grad Day:

Early Wednesday morning Mike Liu, a "brother" from Taiwan, picked up our luggage and followed us to my mom's house in Lehi. There I drove Mike's Lexus, Mike, and the girls and our luggage to the SLC Airport. 1/4 way there I realized I'd forgotten my phone, so we had to turn around and go back to my moms, which made us LATE!

I drove as fast as I dared and while I checked my luggage at the curb-side late luggage guys place Mike took the girls into the airport then had to leave. I grabbed my luggage and two carry-ons (one was my CPAP) and started to RUN. Sophie was busy looking around and tipping her little luggage w/wheels to keep her from running, so I'd run back and urge her one. We finally got to security where we had to wait in line. Finally there I had to take off the girls shoes and jackets, my shoes and jacket and belt, take out my cell phone, and my CPAP machine, load up all our luggage onto the belt, then take out the laptop. Meantime things are falling off the belt and nice people are catching my stuff left and right. Thankfully they were all so nice and patient! I think they felt sorry for me haha.

I was juggling a million things it seemed like and was flustered because our flight was to leave at 9am and I was going through security at 9!! I was praying for a miracle!

I put our shoes, jackets, and belt back on, put my CPAP away, the laptop away, got the girls their luggage, grabbed my 3 bags (all super heavy, of course!!) and started RUNNING! Daniel called to tell me they were about to take off and they were seated on the plane! I said "Please please run to me and help me or we'll never make it!"

Daniel told the flight attendants the situation who said "tell the pilot". He did so and the pilot, who was already in the cockpit, got out and walked up the ramp to wait for us!!!

Daniel ran like a sprinter to us. It was about 2 football fields long how far away we were! He showed up and without pausing whisked the slow little Sophie right into his arms along with her heavy luggage and turned and ran hardly skipping a beat. Lacie was running ahead like a little lightning bolt. I told her "if we don't run as fast as we can we might not get to go see daddy!" so she took off!

I got there with our tickets, the pilot smiled at us and I thanked them profusely.

We delayed the plane over 10 minutes! Yikes!!

Finally we were off!

The flights to Louisville were just fine, for the most part. At first the girls were excited and thrilled to be in a big plane and feeling the take-off. Then they got wiggly. Then tired. Then noisy.

I was soooo grateful my brothers Josh & Dan were with me. We all took turns taking the girls to the tiny little latrine and getting toys and coloring things out and treats. In Chicago we had several hours before we'd leave for Louisville so the girls and I took a nap on the floor. They made sure to empty out their carry-ons all over the floor, and Sophie bossed around another little boy, stealing his chair every chance she got and acting nonchalant about it.

We got to Louisville finally and almost didn't get our rental van! But it worked out thankfully. When we went outside to pick it up (daniel and I) it was like hitting a wall of steam in a sauna!!

The van was soooo nice! It had TV's in it and all sorts of gadgets, and the AC worked wonderfully!!! lol

We got the girls and Josh, loaded up all our garb and picked up my checked bag, and were off! It took us a little longer to get to our hotel than anticipated. We stopped off at 2 or 3 stores to buy some food, a stroller, and swim trunks for Dan.

The hotel was nice-ish. haha. We went to bed early that night.

Graduation:

We all got up at 6am I believe (May have been earlier, I don't remember now) and took showers, did our hair, got all dressed up nice, and left LATE!! haha. Completely missed New Family Orientation, then couldn't find a place to park! I drove through the building's parking lot and saw the Company in formation. I knew Tyler was in one of the two Platoons in the middle and was embarrassed that I had to drive past a barrier of "no parking" cones and behind their Company to turn around in our huge van! Tonz of soldiers and even a Drill Sergeant were yelling at us like we were stupid thinking we were going to park there hahahaha.

Tyler said "Who's that idiot?"

Well, when the girls and Josh and I got out for Daniel to go park somewhere out in the boonies Tyler's buddies said, "Hey Frampton. Aren't those your kids". Well, that "idiot" Tyler said "was MY idiot", meaning me! hahaha! He hadn't seen me yet, though.

Inside the bleachers were FULL! We walked around forever until we found a place on a front row that would've fit 3 people and squished 5 of us there instead.

I went back outside to take pictures of the Company and find Tyler. One of his buddies was like "isn't that your wife, Frampton?". well it's kinda funny cuz Ty and his buddy were checking me out calling me "hot" and other things when Tyler realized I was HIS "hotty" hahaha. He gave me a HUGE happy grin, which I got a couple pictures of. I was on CLOUD 9!!!

The ceremony was really cool. Good speakers, good awards given out, and FINALLY they let the soldiers fall out and we ran to him!

The girls jumped into their daddy's arms and it was an emotional time for all of us. Such pure joy and excitement and relief to be together again!!!

Tyler was so relieved to have finished BCT, and who can blame him? lol

I got to meet several soldiers, one after another, praising Tyler in how amazing he is! They said he was just as good, if not better, than all the younger guys! One soldier kept bowing at Tyler (he's Asian) and going on and on about how good and amazing Ty is and that he's his "dad" hahaha. It was so cute and cool.

I met his branch president who said Tyler was a huge help in their branch, always busy doing good things. He asked if I was the one who sent all the email and said it was good. :) It was funny. I met a couple missionaries (who are not allowed to wear name tags there for some weird reason) and then met "big" Simmons who Tyler had baptized! He has a very cute family! I met a ton of good soldiers who were excited to meet us since Tyler talked about his girls and I a lot to all of them. They acted like they knew us pretty well.

Then we got to sign him out!!! While standing there I met Senior Drill Sergeant Genthner who happened to really like Tyler a lot. Then we got out of there!

Graduation Day:

The day didn't go by too fast or too slow. It was SO PERFECT!!!

We drove all the way out to Louisville KY for "lunch", looking for The Outback Steakhouse, where we got lost for a couple of hours, then found it wasn't going to open for 3 or 4 more hours!!!

So we went back to Elizabethtown I believe, where we ate at Applebees. We had such a blast!!!

The girls were non-stop chatting at their dad and asking him tonz of questions almost all day long! They were climbing all over him as often as possible.

DANG Tyler looked so good!!!! So much skinnier, ripped, and handsomer than ever!! He just glowed! :D

We then went back to the hotel where Dan & Josh took the little girls out swimming for a little while so Tyler and I could have some time alone. That time was so precious to us; we hugged and cried and our love was multiplied by a million!!!!!

Then for the rest of the day we weren't sure what to do! So we all hung out in the hotel room, piddlydinking around haha. It was so relaxing, though! We finally decided to go back on the base to take pictures of Tyler's adventure at BCT (Basic Combat Training) and experiences and then a few family photos, too. The entire day we all laughed and listened to Tyler's non-stop story-telling. It was SO FUN!!! He has a few GREAT stories to share! They were gut-splitting funny!! hahaha. It was SO FUN!!

Then he had to report. He checked in and while we stood around waiting for the DS's to yell for formation I had a distinct impression for Tyler to introduce me to one of his Drill Sergeants. Senior Drill Sergeant Genthner, again. The thing was, earlier that day, right after graduation, we were told we would NOT be driving Tyler to AIT as we were told previously that we were and we'd planned on it.

So we talked with SDS Genthner for about an hour and he shared some good advice with us. The thing was, just before we stood around chatting with him, Tyler had approached all the DS's inside their office asking about doing ANYTHING to let me drive him to AIT (Advanced Individual Training). Genthner was pulling for it, but one of them was saying N-O and the others were saying "no... not possible". So while Tyler and I were chatting with him, Ty had to run inside and change into his PT uniform, I had the guts to ask Genthner about it again. He said "no, there's nothing we can do at all. There's just no way" so I told him "well dang. That sucks. We'd been told yes so I bought plane tickets, reserved the hotel and the rental van already and I can't change them". Then I dropped it. He sincerely looked sad! He looked at the ground and I could tell he felt bad. But there was nothing he could do.

Then Tyler came out and soon afterwards they put them all into formation. All the soldiers weren't there so they all got "smoked" pretty good. Thing was, some of them were laughing cuz this "smoking" was the lightest one they'd had yet. To us it looked bad, but to them it was nothing.

They let two platoons go early to spend another hour or so with their families, but Tyler was in the Platoon where 2 of the soldiers still hadn't shown up! They didn't show up for a long and instead of smoking them the rest of the night they finally let them join us!!! So we had 40 minutes left with Tyler before we had to say our good-byes!!

We sat on the grass and just talked. I was trying to figure out if there was ANYTHING that I could do still to take him. I just was not going to just take a NO after they told us yes for weeks! Come to find out it was just the Drill Sergeants being lazy about doing the paperwork! The thing was there were 90 soldiers going to Ft Lee for AIT. A LOT more than we'd realized! So what I think is that they got "lazy" about the paperwork because so many people were asking about taking their soldiers to AIT, so because of the liability risks of having so many soldiers driven by civilians it was just too much so instead of saying yes to only a few and no to the rest they had to say no to everyone. It was a very hard thing to swallow, so I never quite swallowed it lol.

We gave a very tearful goodbye. The girls were crying, I was bawling, Tyler was crying. SDS Genthner stood out there and watched us the entire time and you could tell it broke his heart. When Ty left SDS Genthner said "I've been through a few of these myself (he was deployed atleast 7 different times!!) and I don't like it. Be sure to do what I told you and this won't have to happen as much" I said "thank you. Thank you so much" and we waved goodbye.

That night I went back to the hotel and was on the verge of tears again, but the determination and frustration and stress was too much to let me give up like a baby and cry, so I got online and looked up, for two hours at the LEAST, phone numbers to call first thing in the morning! Tyler knew there was no way to get around the DS's N-O's, but I realized otherwise.

One friend made a good point that gave me hope and more "umph" to get permission. He said that soldiers can only do so much since they have to follow their chain of command but civilians have more pull. So.......

Another Miracle:

I got up before 6am and with all those phone numbers I'd collected I started making phone calls. Most had been disconnected, several had no answer, and the rest lead me in circles.

I prayed so fervently the night before and this morning for help and guidance because I KNEW it was right to drive him!! So I said to Heavenly Father in prayer, "I know this is right. Everything fell into place as it should, and it was a MIRACLE to get here. Please bless me with another miracle. And please guide me to what I need to do to make it happen". Realize that in order to be blessed with miracles we must do all that we can do to make them come. God doesn't hand out anything! We must work for what we want and need!

So then I got a strong impression to go onto a high security website for Army spouses of Active Duty soldiers and looked up a leader in the group and found an old message from months ago with a phone number to the Ft Knox Army base that is not listed online and called the number and I got through! FINALLY! It was about 7 or 7:30 by this time and I was sweating I was so anxious! We were wasting time (or so I felt) and Tyler would be loaded up into the buses at any minute and hauled away from me!!!!!

So I asked for so-and-so (won't give the names out on here) who I told my story to: "Hi, this is the wife of a soldier that graduated yesterday from BCT and he is headed for AIT to Ft Lee today. He and I both talked to Drill Sergeants about me taking him to AIT and we were both told a Yes, although it was an unofficial yes. Then yesterday they told us no. The necessary paperwork was never done. I already bought the plane tickets, rented a car and reserved a hotel room to take him out there to Virginia and I can't change those plans. Is there ANYTHING that I can do to still take him?" This is the same thing I told 3 or 4 people. One of them said "you need to talk to the Commander". And so I did.

After telling him the same story he sternly and bluntly asked "How did you get this number?!" "I.. um..." "You need to call us back in a minute" "Can I have your direct number?" "Does your soldier have your number?" "Yes, he does" "We'll call you back".

Sweating, shaking, tummy-turns, pacing, finger-nail bighting...... I was so afraid I got Tyler into trouble!!! I'd skipped up the entire chain of command straight to the Commander and boldly asked for what I wanted and that was it! Now either the Commander was offended I'd called his direct, unpublished number, or he was impressed. I would know which within the next few minutes.

Within five minutes I got a call from Tyler's Drill Sergeant, Genthner, and I was SURE he was going to reprimand me for not dropping it and letting it go and for getting Tyler and himself in trouble but instead he said, "It looks like you're going to be driving your husband to AIT. How soon can you get here?" I said, in between bursts of THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!, "within 10 minutes!" which he laughed at, then said, "Give us an hour. We have a lot of paperwork to do now" hahaha!!!

Then Tyler wrote me a text saying, "You are My Wife!!!!!!!!" He was one super proud man!! The other soldiers got it out of him that I'd somehow, and miraculously, convinced the "top dogs" to let me drive him and all of them were happy for him (except when his back was turned they were probably holding each other back from pounding on him since they didn't get the same privileges - hahaha just kidding!!).

I was NOT going to stand by after all the work I did to get out there, set things up to drive him to AIT, and to find a way home, all to be told a big fat stupid ugly NO after we'd been told yes!!! NO WAY JOSE!!!!!!!

So in an hour, or around there sometime, we drove to Tyler's base where SDS Genthner walked Tyler out to us with all his heavy packs and the girls gave him big kisses on his cheeks and I shook his hand like 2 or 3 times (I should've given him a hug!!!! He deserved it! Dangit!!).

The reason Genthner was our here here, was the Captain/Commander shouted for Genthner to come to him at my phone call and I could hear in the background SDS Genthner explaining to the Cpt what I'd done, what was arranged... he was pulling for us!!!! It took just him and me together to convince the Commander within seconds to get out the paperwork, sign it, and order Tyler out of formation and send him with ME!!!

Tyler said that Genthner yelled for him a couple of times and Tyler ran up to him and he said "Come with me, Frampton" and they marched into the building and into the office of the Commander. Tyler was shaking in his boots, not knowing what was going on! Was he in trouble? Had something happened? Was he getting more responsibilities or not going to Ft Lee? What??

Then Genthner said "You realize your wife is taking you to AIT". Tyler was so overjoyed his eyes filled with tears and he was bursting at the seems!! He tried his best not to smile and Genthner said "Don't smile, Private!" hahaha. Then that was when SDS called me on the phone while Tyler stood there listening.

I signed official papers (like 3 or 4 of them) and so did Tyler and his Drill Sergeant and the Commander and another dude or two to make it official that I would be primarily responsible for him, that he could NOT drive or smoke or drink, etc etc etc (oh yeah, you know us! The real ol' partiers!! hahaha).

Then we were off!!!!

The Day After Graduation/the Road Trip To AIT:

So, we drove to Louisville, then got lost.

For like one or two hours we drove around the entire city of Louisville because we'd missed the exit to head towards Virginia! Oh my gosh I was so frustrated! We drove all over the place. We got lost several times! Driving way out of the way, going in the opposite direction of where we should be headed, and constantly having to stop for food, gas, potty breaks, and what-not, it took the entire day to get there!!!

I drove SIXTEEN HOURS + that day!!!!!!!

Along the way we saw lots of really cool things! My bros had fun taking lots of pictures. Mostly of rocks, trees, grass and other random things, instead of us hahaha. So funny!!!

It was a long day driving, but I literally enjoyed every single minute of it!! At first it started out Tyler telling more awesome stories and we were laughing most of the way there. Funny jokes, funny conversations, and fun buying and eating junk food and drinks and meeting people everywhere.

We FINALLY made it to Richmond Virginia!! We decided we needed some real food instead of chips, gatorade, licorice, chocolate, (I had apples and oranges and Subway), so we went to Denny's right off their highway.

We were given top service!!

It was here that this older fellow (not too old, mind you) who walked up to our table and he asked Tyler "Are you in the Army?" "Yes" and Tyler stood to shake his hand. The man said to Tyler "Thank you for for your sacrifice so that I can be free!". It was the most amazing and powerful thing said yet to Tyler. The man stood straight for Ty, looked him square in the eyes when he said it, and then walked away. It brought tears to my eyes and impressed our group so much we were speechless. Tyler sat in a complete daze. He said "it's hitting me what it means to wear this Uniform".

He was the only one out of his entire Company that got this opportunity. The entire trip over from Kentucky to Virginia we were met with stares and waves and head-nods all for Tyler. I was even given huge amounts of respect by others! I could not believe the respect I was given! Men would literally bow out of my way and say "excuse me ma'am" when they'd see me walk into a store or anywhere with my Soldier. It was truly humbling!

When we finished our meal I went to pay and the waitress and the manager of the store gabbed my head off about the Military and the manager gave us a nice discount and I gave a nice tip :). They also told me "thank you for your sacrifice". It was so sweet!

Saying Goodbye. Again:

After an hour or so of driving around, or maybe like 2 hours, and getting lost AGAIN, we finally found our way to Ft Lee! I'd had to pull over to a scary-looking gas station where two very nice men helped me find my way there.

We drove around inside of the huge base in the pitch-dark, completely clueless of where we'd need to go. I finally asked Military Police who gave us a rough idea of where to start looking. We drove right to them! We saw a bunch of soldiers in formation next to two huge buses and Tyler felt it was his group. He was right!

What was another complete miracle was that we got there shortly after they had! We were sure we were half a day late getting him there and we were all so worried he'd be in huge trouble! But everything was just fine. We were so surprised at how relaxed they all were there.

We took him to the soldiers, unloaded all his stuff, and said our goodbyes. I cried again, of course, and Tyler did, too. We watched for a couple of minutes while Tyler reacquainted with his fellow soldiers who were happy to see him, but everyone looked so beat! Tyler looked the brightest and happiest and I'm sure it was cuz he is! He got to ride with his family the entire day and none of them had. And we got to stop whenever we wanted to and they hadn't. We were truly blessed with a miracle!!

Well, we left, and I'd had a feeling to delay leaving the base so we stopped at the Base Lodging to check on prices and rules. While there Tyler texted or called me and told me I had his paperwork in the van, so we had to drive it back to him. In the pitch black I was surprised I could find the way back to him! He walked up to the van and Daniel handed it to him and we all yelled our goodbyes again and drove off. Tyler waved one last time.

Our Scary Adventures That Night!:

We could NOT find our way out of the base! We drove around it for about an hour, or more maybe, and found one way out, but it wasn't the way we'd come in. We found ourselves in Petersburgh, or something like that, and it was NOT a nice town. Probably one of the worst I've been in my entire life, and Daniel's too (that's including our missions). We were actually scared for our lives! It was in the middle of the night, we had on idea where we were or how to get anywhere and so we just drove and drove. The neighborhoods were getting worse as we went. The houses were dark but people sat on the porches. Not to be racist, but everyone was black. Everyone, but us. And they didn't look friendly, either.

We saw many drunk men wandering the streets and saw cops only one time in an abandoned parking lot leaning on their patrol cars apparently shooting the breeze as if there was nothing else to do! Even they looked "scary" lol.

I was thanking my lucky stars that our windows were well tinted so nobody could see my little girls in the back seat with their eyes wide-open looking around at the "scary" place. The Spirit was screaming "get out of here!" that it was unnerving to say the least. Finally I saw a gas station that was bursting at the seams with black people coming and going. We pulled up and everyone stared like "What are you doing here??" We stuck out like sore thumbs! Daniel braved exiting the van, I locked the doors, and he ran inside to ask for directions "follow this road here for a ways" was all he got. So we did that. Still lead us to nowhere.

Finally Daniel called our hotel and the receptionist was nice and gave good directions which we followed and finally made it back to our hotel! It was about 1am or 2am, I can't remember which, when we made it back. Sophie and I took a shower then we all zonked out cold!

Coming Home:

Early, but not early enough, the next morning we all got up and cleaned out the van, packed up all our garb, had hotel breakfast, and sped our way to the airport back in Richmond. We were late. Again.

We prayed for a miracle and BARELY made the flight!!!

In New York it was NUTS!!!

It was super busy and we had a long lay-over. By the time they called our names out there were only 2 or 3 seats left! No way Jose was I sending my baby girls alone on such a LONG LONG flight without their mommy! Talk about completely unsafe and stupid! Sophie was in pull-ups, they have to go potty several times and need help when they go, and they get restless and rambunctious. So it was completely not an option. I didn't want to send my brothers without us. If we did that then me and the girls would be waiting until Tuesday to go home! I could NOT afford a hotel in New York City and another rental car!! I couldn't leave Daniel and Josh there, either, because they had NO MONEY in the first place, they'd have to stay until Tuesday, and aren't old enough to rent a car! And have no credit cards anyway. So they shut the door to the plane before the 3 of us could discuss our options so we were left with almost no options.

One man missed the flight entirely (he was drunk and didn't wake up to hear his plane being called so he was raving angry and yelling in his strong New York accent at everyone but me until he was escorted out of the Airport by security!!!).

The lady who at first was cold and rude to me did a complete 180 and turned into my Angel who saved us!!!

I prayed she'd take compassion on us and she did the instant I prayed for it!! I'm not kidding, the change was so fast and so surprising. She "broke" some rules for us to get us onto a flight so I won't say who she was here. She saved our skin and I hope God blesses her greatly for what she did!!

First, she had us booked on a flight from NY to Oakland Cali, then from there to Long Beach Cali, then from there to SLC. Well, we ran our behinds off to the gate to board the plane that was already boarded only to have it delayed because the pilots didn't show up, they unboarded it, then she came running over to where we waited to tell me this flight plan won't work anymore since it was delayed and we'd miss our flight in Oakland or Long Beach. *sigh*. So we went back to her desk where she scrounged around and we did some brainstorming on how to get us home.

We then checked the nearby airports. Pheonix was too far, Denver closer, but too far and I couldn't rent another car out of State for the price plus we didn't have round-trip tickets or a major credit card, so impossible, then there was California or Las Vegas. Hands-down it was Vegas. She booked us and gave me tickets to take to the desk at that Gate and sent us on her way, but not before I profusely thanked her for her help and telling her how awesome she was!! :D

We sat around the airport for another 2-3 hours after being there alllll day long already. Our next trick was finding someone to take us home to Utah from Las Vegas, or take us to St George at least so I could rent a car to drive home.

Daniel asked my brother, Erik, who volunteered to come pick us up. So Erik borrowed his brother-in-laws huge van and drove the 5 1/2 hours down to Vegas with their new little baby screaming her little eyes out for a good portion of the trip, and my sis-in-law Alicia bringing us food and drink realizing we'd probably be hungry and thirsty, which we were.

So after we waited for a little while they came and loaded us into the big van. I sat squished in the backseat between both my girls and tried to sleep, unsuccessfully.

You have to realize I was EXHAUSTED beyond exhaustion!! I'd driving 16 hours straight the day before, sat in the airport all day, then had a long flight from one end of the country to the other, and had to be the one that planned the entire trip, and save our butts to get us home. It was very exhausting in more ways than one!

The trip from Vegas to Utah was not a pleasant one, to say the least. I gave Erik 30.00 in tips for picking us up and will be covering the gas for the trip as well.

So, that was our trip in a tiny little nutshell!!!

We were blessed with many miracles this entire trip!! Safety, health, transportation, and being with my hunny and the girls seeing their daddy!

We were overjoyed and I would do this entire trip, and worse, all over again a million times just for this time we had together with him!!!

Now today we are tired, and our clocks are a bit confused, and the girls and I have fevers and the girls are crying a lot and the house is a WRECK lol. But it was such a wonderful and glorious and learning experience for me!!!

Thank you to all of those who made it possible for us to go on this trip!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

GREAT BLESSINGS & SEEING HIM SOON!!!!!!!

2010-05-28T09:20:00.000-06:00

WOW time is racing by!!! And so many great things are finally happening!

After years of hard times we are finally seeing some wonderful blessings. After the trial of your Faith comes the blessings.

Of course I'm sure we're not done with our fair share of trials, but at least right now we have many obvious blessings to count!

For one, MY DAD GOT A JOB!!!!!!! After nearly TWO YEARS without a job and earnestly seeking one out, working as hard as he could, and remaining FAITHFUL all the hard work and patience and faithfulness has paid off!! My dad got a good job working for a great company, with insurance included!! It is a very happy time!

Also, Tyler is doing extremely well!

He baptized a guy named "Big" Simmons in his Platoon and it was the second most spiritual experience for him in his life that he can remember (besides me, he said). He really feels the Lord is greatly blessing us and I totally agree! I feel the same way!

He finished all his training at BCT and finished at 85% which is really good! His Drill Sergeants don't ever say anything mean or bad to him, they like him. He's earned their respect. I'm not surprised :D.

His graduation is NEXT WEEK!!!!!

I KNEW it was right for the girls and I to go, and even my two brothers Josh & Dan, and I prayed to Heavenly Father after doing everything in my power to get there and said, "I feel it's right, I cannot do any more and right now as it stands it's impossible for us to get there without Your help. I leave it in Your hands". The very next day I got two messages from God-send Angels who made it possible for us to get out there and back home!!! It was a MIRACLE. And I did pray for a miracle!!

Now the rest of the expenses are just outrageous! But we'll be okay! I found the best bargains out there and thanks to my military discount it's saved us a few hundred dollars. I'M SOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We leave June 2nd, Wednesday at 9:00am and get back home on June 5th, 6:30pm. I'm so excited just for the trip alone that the prospect of seeing Tyler just makes the entire thing pure HEAVEN.

I hope I have the strength in me to say goodbye to him again when that time comes after 7 very short hours with him!

Anyway, I am so very, very grateful that despite all the trials and sickness, hardships, discouragements, and more, that I and my family remained faithful! I am convinced that God blesses those who are righteous. Of course in HIS own time.

So keep the Faith, please!!! DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!

We didn't!!!!! :D

TWO WEEKS!!!!!

2010-05-20T00:48:00.000-06:00

Exactly TWO WEEKS from TODAY I will see my Knight in Shining Armour! Okay, not SHINING armor, or even armor for that matter, more like my Knight in Green Uniform!!! :D
I am so in love with my husband; it's an awesome feeling!
He's doing really well! Of course, of course.
I did hear that he baptized somebody in his Platoon!!!!! How awesome is that??? I was so happy to hear this! I'm hoping he'll fill me in on the details about that soon. He's truly where he's supposed to be right now, that's for sure!

I had to make some phone calls to get some people's attention and was very happy that my Home Teachers came over to visit me today! I even got a blessing that gave me peace and comfort, just what I needed!
I cannot believe the emotional roller coaster I'm on all the time! And my emotions are always so close to my skin now. I cry over nearly everything! I was never like this before, so it's strange. I'm thinking it'll pass, or hoping it will, but come to think of it, uh, I don't think it ever will!!

I'm part of an Army Wife forum online and it's been a LIFE SAVER!!!! I'm not the only one that's lost friends! Amazing how friends just start to disappear or completely blow up in your face with complete lack of compassion when your spouse joins in the Army and is GONE. WOW. I think every spouse on this forum has had at the very least one friend that grew cold and not understanding and vacated the friendship, so in that aspect I don't feel alone. I'm just incredibly disappointed that I lost a certain friend I never expected to lose, EVER. They just grew cold, callous, lacked compassion.... it's very painful to even think about so I can usually push it out of my mind and not dwell on it. This person lost a very, very good friend in me, that I do know, and one day they will greatly regret it. If they don't, they're blind and I feel sorry for them. Not to sound all cocky or anything, but I was a super good friend. Trust me on that. Of course they might say otherwise now cuz they want to be the victim HA HA. Weird how people can turn things around on you, huh? I get personally attacked and belittled and suddenly the attacker is the victim. LOL.
Anyway!!!!! I am just so happy I'm part of this forum!! We can ask anything we want, say anything we want (of course within reason lol) and everybody is super supportive!! It's like a cyber shoulder to cry on!! I LOVE it!!

So in TWO WEEKS!!!! I cannot believe it!!! Right now, though, I'm feeling overly anxious and stressed about finding a way to get out there to Tyler's graduation!! Because I found out so late what the schedule was I couldn't book plane tickets early enough so now they're around $3,000.00 for my two brothers, myself, and my daughters, to go. My parents will pay for my brothers, but I have to book the tickets. IMPOSSIBLE. I had saved up 1300.00 for ALL of the travel expenses. This includes plane, car rental, gasoline, everything! Even hotel!! YIKES!!! I do NOT have it, and I really feel that me and my daughters BOTH have to go! I will not leave the girls home. People who say "go by yourself" cannot understand what that would do to my children and their father. It would be WRONG of me to do this. People who know us well will agree, too. My girl's are DADDY'S GIRLS, through and through! And he's so attached to them, too. The HARDEST part for him while being at BCT was not the hard work but being away from me and our little girls. It was almost too much for him; for us!

So anyway, I'm really struggling on trying to figure out a way to see my husband in honor of his completing Basic Training. I've had several people say that they think people should donate money to help us get there, that it's the least people could do since Tyler's serving our country and we're sacrificing A LOT. But what can ya do?? Absolutely nothing. People love their money too much. lol.
I really am praying for a miracle, though! I am praying that I can either find an amazing deal or, something!! I just don't know what else to do!!

I am just SOOOOOOO EXCITED that I'll be seeing him in exactly TWO WEEKS!!!!! Of course, it will only be for about 7 hours, unless I get permission to drive him to AIT early the next morning. It's still not 100% sure, but about 90% sure! :D
Okay, time to stop. I feel like I'm being too random and I'm sure I said something in here that annoyed somebody. Hard not to do that. Actually, impossible not to annoy SOMEONE, isn't it? lol

Pray we have a miracle!!!!!

His Grad Packet came!! And I'm proud of my progress!! :)

2010-05-14T02:54:00.000-06:00

So, I finally got Tyler's graduation packet in the mail!!!! I was sooo excited! I had the letter with the directions/instruction on it that I have to present when I get there to get in. Cool beans huh?
So I made reservations for a cheap inn that's 1/2 mile away from the base and made reservations for a car, too. I am still waiting to hear if I can take him to AIT or not before I can purchase plane tickets. I'm not sure how to do it with military discounts for my daughters and I and one civi one for maybe my little brother and get us on the same flight and into seats next to each other. argh! Hopefully I can call someone to figure that nonsense out lol.
So I am really proud of myself! Satan, or to be more "politically correct", the Adversary, has been throwing some major curve-balls at me, and it's been through many different sources, and I have come out on top! The most hurtful ones that have thrown me for complete loops have been through people who THINK they are being helpful when in fact they are being extremely detrimental to my happiness and progress; they are completely not supportive yet do not see themselves as being such. Their demeaning, negative, berating comments to me have left me completely stunned and shocked and deeply hurt. They might as well gut me and stomp on my guts and call me the biggest loser that ever slimed across the earth because I don't act the way THEY think I should be, or at least they ASSUME I'm acting a certain way when I'm not.
I know I'm not making much sense there. I'm trying to be as vague as possible so that I don't give away who these people are or exactly what they said to me. Let's just say that they've been listening to the wrong source and they really and truly believe they were listening to the good source, or the Spirit of God. They were not. And I know this. The Spirit has born witness to me of this and has blessed me with a huge amount of strength and perseverance and peace, and even a little numbness to get past these negative influences in my life. These experiences have been very painful and like a huge big neon sign saying "here are your TRUE friends that LOVE you unconditionally and have Christ-like love and compassion and charity for you, despite your weaknesses, and here are those who are not!". And also through this some of my very best friends have come forward! They have followed promptings from the Spirit which have lead them to help me in many different ways. These people have been friends, acquaintances, and relatives alike. Thank you so much for your angelic support! Your love, acceptance, and willingness to help and support me and my family has been a great blessing to us! I know God will bless you for your efforts!!
Anyway, so I'm proud of myself for doing as well as I have been considering everything we've been through lately. Sophie's badly broken foot, her hand being smashed (almost broke her fingers), my health problems that landed me in the ER and have been hard to deal with since, and more I cannot mention here.
I also have stuck strictly to my diet. I have not wavered one bit. No cheating at all!! I feel really good about myself because of this. I have found such inner strength that I forgot I had! I have lost about 40 lbs now altogether! Not bad huh? I've dropped 4 sizes! I work out twice a week at least, also.
I have been able to attend the Temple, go to church every week (even when I am sick), read the scriptures, pray, clean some of the house hahaha, take care of my beautiful daughters, and have been starting to organize some things that have needed attention for some time now.
I am so very grateful for all the many blessings that I have in my life!! I know that the Lord is blessing Tyler and I for our faithfulness throughout all the trials we have had to go through. We are still being tried, but our Heavenly Father has made our burdens seem light, and we can more clearly see blessings now than before. I am extremely grateful for a steady income, NO chance of Tyler losing his job! And for benefits we so greatly needed. I am grateful for this awesome opportunity that my family has to be our own family unit when we move to wherever the Lord (through the Army) takes us.
This has been VERY hard. One of the absolute hardest things I have ever had to do! And I cry for my babies and my husband. But I know that the Lord is mindful of me and my family and that He is taking very good care of us!
Speaking of sad things. Just two things I'll mention here about the girls.
Lacie cried for TEN MINUTES in school today while her class made Father's Day cards. She then sang for her a class a song about daddy that she made up. Her teacher said it was very sweet and touching. My poor little Lacie!! She can't forget saying goodbye to daddy in the hotel the last night we saw him. She can't get over that. But I'm very glad that she can cry about it. She feels much better afterwards.
Sophie got all dressed up today and came up to me and said "I am ready to go see daddy now. Let's go get in the airplane". She was ready to go! She got her shoes on that she said daddy said she could wear, got her coat, and went to the front door and opened it. Broke my heart!!! She then called grandma Pearson and told her that we are going to the airplane now to go see daddy. My poor little girls!
I try my best to keep a good attitude, a happy face, and not get depressed in front of the girls. I do very well at this I think. At least I give it my very best. I talk to the girls about what daddy is doing and that he loves them and misses them and wants to be with them so much, but he has to work so hard for us and I tell them that daddy is a real hero and is a real man and is a very good man and we are so lucky to have him to take such good care of us and that we'll see him soon. They tell people now that daddy is a good man and a hero. It's so cute!!
Okay, this is getting really long and it's now 2:45 am. I wish I could sleep at night! I need a new CPAP face mask and a new mattress!! LOL
Thanks to everyone for your love, help, prayers, support, compassion, encouragement, charity, and so forth! We need it and we appreciate it so much! Know that whatever efforts you make in our behalf you are blessed for! They do not go unnoticed!! Also, whatever you do for the "least of these" you've done it unto God. Don't forget that!
We love you!!!

Losing More Weight! And other thoughts and updates

2010-05-03T01:52:00.000-06:00

I am so proud of myself for sticking to this diet! It's been very difficult, but so worth it so far!! I've lost a total of 30 lbs now!!! I'm feeling so good!
The pain I have hasn't gone away. Some days are worse than others, but I'm getting through.
Tyler called home on Saturday and we talked for 3 1/2 minutes. Hardly any time at all!! But it was really good to hear his voice! I ended up crying at the end of the call and tried to mask it from him. Not sure if I succeeded or not, but I think I did. The girls got to say hi to him for a minute and it made him emotional, too. Sophie said, "See you tomorrow, dad!" It was sad! She's really having a hard time with it! She's having issues with potty-trained stuff and her pacifier, sleeping, eating, everything! Sometimes my girls really act up or get overly-emotional; I wish everyone would realize and understand why and be patient with them. Lots of people are, thank goodness. Her primary teachers were so good with her today! They said she did wonderful in class and when I picked her up she was so happy! When I'd dropped her off she clung to me and withdrew inside again, broke my heart! I know people don't "approve" of her pacifier, but too bad, I'm her mom and I know it's something she needs right now. She needs as much comfort as she can get and I see no reason to tear her away from things like this while her daddy is gone. She's having a very difficult time coping with it.
Mother's Day is coming up! I'm very grateful for my parents because they're going to take my girls out shopping for me! That makes me so happy because I was feeling really bad that Mother's Day wouldn't be Mother's Day for me at all since Tyler's gone and nobody thinks about single mothers on that day so they get over-looked. Okay not nobody thinks about them, but it has appeared that way to me, unfortunately. My girls are too young to know when the day is here and too young to go shopping for me, etc. I am really hoping Tyler can call home that day! It's such a special day I think!
Right now I've been needing some ME time. Time to just do what I want to do. I'm not as good as some mothers that can just go and go and go and never have "me" time. I just can't do it. It helps me to have breaks where I can think and recharge my batteries, so to speak.
During this time while Tyler's been gone I've been blessed with strength from Heavenly Father that I wouldn't have had on my own, no matter what. But everybody has their limits. I don't have anybody to come home to at night and nobody to confide in to about my deepest feelings and thoughts like I used to. I really feel for single mothers. I think people are unfair to them for the most part, and I feel that their lot is much harder than normal.
I'm so glad we could make it to church today. It was really nice to go and feel the Spirit and renew it for me and my little girls. It's so peaceful! Tyler's information was in our ward's announcement paper handed out in Sacrament Meeting. It was so cool to see that!! I wish they'd give me the opportunity to say how he's doing in Relief Society like the moms of missionaries get to. Oh well. It's okay.
So Tyler's graduation is exactly one month from today, Monday! (when I say we went to church TODAY I mean yesterday lol). I cannot believe it!! I hope to get his BCT Graduation invitation soon and the details so I can book plane tickets and rent a car. I'm praying and hoping that we can drive him to AIT in VA. I cannot book or plan anything until 2 weeks or less before his graduation. It's frustrating having to wait! But that's the military's slogan: hurry up and wait! lol
I've been meeting lots of military spouses online and I'm loving it! What support!! We understand each other like nobody else does and it's so wonderful!!
I just found out "today" that one of my friends passed away yesterday. It was so shocking and upsetting to me! She was such a sweet and good person! She would write me emails of encouragement, support and love. She was so charitable! I will really, really miss her!!
Lacie graduates from Kindergarten at the end of this month! I cannot believe it!! My baby is growing up and I hate it and love it at the same time. I cannot wait for this Summer! I have so many plans and ideas for me and the girls while Tyler is gone and I'm really really hoping I can do all of it! I don't want to regret anything and I want to make good memories and spend time with friends and family as much as possible since we'll be moving soon and be GONE! My schedule has been busy, but now that my school is over with it's been a little better. I just cannot wait until Lacie's out of school, then I'll have even more time!
Tyler's doing really good. Homesick, of course, but doing well! He's now the Platoon's designated artist! He charges $5 bucks per rose he draws on envelopes for soldiers writing home and charges more for custom drawings. He's designing and drawing a mural for his Platoon I think for graduation! I'm so proud of him!!!!
He's also got perfect marks on shooting so far! Wow he's so amazing!!
Today while at church it hit me that Tyler REALLY loves me! He really loves me and our girls so much! Look what he's doing for us!! What a sacrifice to leave your family 24/7 for MONTHS to provide for them!! He didn't insist on me going beyond my abilities and getting a job to support our family; he didn't expect it, either. He hated it when I worked and wanted me home raising his children, where I should be. I realize that sometimes moms HAVE to work. My best friends have to work and I feel for them because their hearts are in their homes where they know they ought to be but cannot be. I pray for them. One day they will be home again with their children! Don't lose hope!! I am sooo grateful for Tyler's hard work and sacrifice for our family! He's one amazing man and I'm one lucky woman to have him!!!
I cannot wait to see him and tell him myself how I feel, face-to-face!
Now I hope to get some sleep. I have a couple of busy days, or a busy week, ahead of me!

Losing Weight! Feeling Great! (Besides one small hiccup)

2010-04-25T02:35:00.000-06:00

So guess what? I'm losing weight! I've come down from a size 16 to a size 12!!! I'm so proud of myself; I'm so happy!! Have my health problems gone away or gotten better since I've lost weight like many thought would happen? NO!!! I told my my weight has absolutely nothing to do with the diseases I have. Unfortunately I still suffer from those problems, EXCEPT, my acid reflux has lessened, and obviously it's cuz I'm not as fat! LOL.

I've been eating soooo much better!! It's been one of the HARDEST things I've had to do since my mission, on this scale of self-control. I don't over-indulge AT ALL. I follow my diet very strictly and I feel energetic, happier, and I get more done. As I come off this strict diet I will follow the plan given to me and do it very gradually, slowly adding more things here and there, but still sticking to a GOOD diet, a healthy one!
If you would only practice self-control with your diet you will not only feel better, but you'll probably lose that weight you've been wanting to get rid of and look better, too!!
I don't eat ANY sugar, oils & fats, carbs & starches, pop, chocolate, etc. I just eat simple, healthy food. Fruits, veggies, whole grain, protein, and LOTS of water! It's been wonderful! Sometimes I have a bit of cottage cheese here and there, too, for my dairy.

Like I mentioned above, my health issues haven't gone away, unfortunately. I had quite the experience this week that I don't want to go through again but I don't doubt that I will.
I experienced pain like I was in full-blown labor and it came on quite suddenly and I could not even take ONE STEP, I could barely sit, I couldn't move. It was HORRIBLE!! It made me really nauseous, tired, sick, and just plain awful! My sister and brothers were life-savors!!! My dad took me to the ER and they did a full check on me and a C-scan, my mom watched my girls and took them home to bed while waiting, and the results came back that I'd had a large cyst rupture. My abdomen was full of fluid, as in blood, and tissue. They at first thought it was my appendix. Not fun!! I was pumped full of morphine and for 2-3 days afterwords I had migraines and headaches thanks to those pain meds. I've been on Lortab since because of the pain that's followed this ordeal. Trust me, it's BAD pain!! No exaggerations here!! lol

Tyler's doing really well at BCT! He's doing EXCELLENT with his shooting, never missing a shot!! If he continues doing so well they'll recognize him at BCT Graduation for his Marksmanship skills and that's soooooo exciting and cool to me!! He's pushing his hardest, doing his best, and coming out on top! He's working so hard and he's providing for his family and I'm SO PROUD OF HIM!!!! I love him with all of my heart and I really feel that God knew what He was doing when he put us two together! I really feel that we boost each other up and we're so patient with each other and compliment each other. I am SO SO SO SO SO excited to go see him at his BCT Graduation!!! I hope I can have alone time with him, and that our little family can be together, ALONE. It's been so long since he left, well, at least it feels that way to us!! We literally take it one day at a time!

The girls are doing okay. Sophie had to get another cast on her broken foot since after taking off the first one and she wouldn't/couldn't walk on it they did another x-ray and saw SOME new bone growth but not quite enough. I could still clearly see where the break was, and it looked like a clean break to me, not a green-stick fracture like the ER doc had told me. Anyway, she went from a purple and green cast (for Tinkerbell) to a bright pink cast. She's so cute with it! What a trooper! She even runs with it and it's so cute! My sister called her a "gimp" and I thought it was so cute and funny! lol

Speaking of my sister, she's Andrea Pearson and we're SO EXCITED for her!! Her first book of a series of 6 books, is coming out on July 6th across the country! It's call The Key of Kilenya! I'm so proud of her!!!!

Okay, I'd better end this. It's coming out a LOT longer than I'd anticipated!! lol

Keep praying for us.... we DO need prayers, take my word for it! And thank you SO much to all our friends and family that have been such huge help and support for us!!!! God will bless you for what you do, because whatever you do for others you are doing for God.

Things Are Going Great!!

2010-04-17T00:56:00.000-06:00

Things are going so well right now! Well, as well as they can be haha. I believe that we're seeing blessings now after the trial of our Faith.
Tyler is doing really well at Basic Training, even though his Platoon is full of immature whiners that are making it hard on the entire Platoon (they're the worst out of 4 Platoons), but besides that he's doing so well and having fun, in between the boredom of repetition haha. He's so funny.
School is almost over for me and I'm so excited! I can finally get some time to start going through all our things. I have to book our flights for Tyler's graduation, reserve the hotel on base some time, rent a car, pay the bills, help Lacie finish up with school, and MAYBE think about starting my writing back up! But we'll see, we'll see.
Right now I'm reeling really good. I'm happy, I'm blessed, I'm VERY grateful and I'm remaining Faithful forever to my God and my hubby.
I'm so proud of Tyler!!! He's working SO hard for us to take care of us! He's a REAL MAN and I am so happy to have one, they're so rare!!! (I know some men don't have the opportunities that Tyler has had so please don't be offended, I don't think less of you at all, ever! We all do the best with what we have and that's what matters the most!).
I am also so proud of myself! I've lost over 20 lbs now in 2-3 weeks. It's so wonderful! But I'm not done yet. I'm bound and determined to get to my goal weight that NOTHING'S stopping me! I'm getting exercise and eating RIGHT and staying 100% true to it.
I am just so grateful for everything the Lord's blessed us with and we have been through sooooooo much already and right now this peace I feel makes it all worth it!
To know I can go to the Temple when I want to, that I do what I know is right, that Tyler and I are both doing the very best we can and we're seeing actual results this time around, it's just such a blessing and such a remarkable feeling!!
Now back to my late-night movie. Finally a few minutes to myself! haha!

I LOVE Easter & General Conference!!! (Missing Tyler, Feeling Overwhelmed).

2010-04-04T00:57:00.005-06:00

I am happy that Easter is here. It's one of my most favorite holidays. I love the bright and happy pastel colors. I love the egg-hunting and candy, of course, and the new dresses and dressing up all pretty. But the part that I love the absolute most is that it's Christ's true birthday and his Resurrection. It reminds me of Springtime, renewal, a new year, life, beauty, and a happy, bright, celestial place. It's the exact opposite of Halloween, and what's funny about that for me is that Halloween is tied with Easter for me with favorite holiday!! haha. Next comes Christmas for me. I know, I'm weird. :) lol
Before Tyler left he and I picked out the girl's Easter dresses, shoes, and hair stuff so I can make their hair things like I did last year and I think the year before, too. I love making things, I feel so proud of my creations when they're done, especially when they're for my loved ones, whoever they may be.
It's also my friend's deceiced baby's 4th birthday today, too. I sure miss that little Angel! She'd sure cheer me up right now, and I could sure use it! I miss you Allie! Happy Birthday!

I'm feeling so sad tonight. I think it's so much harder because it's General Conference weekend and my favorite holiday weekend and Tyler and I always love this time of year and have a lot of fun together. It's like missing Christmas for me not having him here.
It's been 2 weeks now!!! Oh man I miss him, my heart aches. I've been a little emotional today. Luckily no out-of-control crying or anything, but Sophie could tell I was sad. She's very intuitive like that. She told me if I cry in the car then she'll sing a happy song to help me feel better. It was really sweet.
Listening to Elder Holland's talk in the afternoon really kicked off the emotion for me. It was about our sacred relationships with our spouses, staying away from porn, and running away from enticing and tempting situations that could potentially harm our relationships. If we have a relationship with the opposite sex that coule be even remotely inappropriate or even viewed as such we should sever that emmediately, etc., etc. I don't have issues like that, thank Heavens! I view my marriage with Tyler as highly sacred and special and I work very hard at it every day. I work very hard at making him happy and satisfied, loved, appreciated, uplifted, encouraged, accepted, and more. I work very hard at keeping the Covenants I've made with him and God every day, and I try my best not to disappoint either Tyler or God. I know I'm not perfect, and I need the Atonment just as much as everyone else does, but I know that I've done my best.
Knowing all this makes it that much harder being away from Tyler. It almost feels like a punishment being separated from him, and I know it's not from anything I've done wrong, so it's not a punishment of course, it's just a very hard requirement to go through.

Right now I'm watching Super Nanny while I put together the girl's Easter stuff. Might as well be doing something productive while doing something else productive, eh? haha. I'm totally multi-tasking, as mothers have to learn to do! Writing a blog, watching a beneficial show, and making things for my daughters. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself, huh?

I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed right now. I know that wives go without their husbands quite frequently, but how many of them have to go through every single item they own and either shred it, throw it out or give it away, or inventory it and organize it within a set time, plus keep the house clean, take care of kids, school and school work, and everything else mothers already have to do, plus replace daddy? UGH!! I can handle the basic stuff, better than I realized I could, but I have not been able to even crack open one box or open a closet to start the necessary sorting. I DO need help from anybody who is willing to give it! I cannot do everything, it's impossible. I wish that I had more support/help from others. My two sisters-in-laws, Andrea & Alicia, have been WONDERFUL. Alicia keeps me happily preocuppied to not be able to dwell on missing Tyler and Andrea takes wonderful care and love of my children while I do things I can't take my kids with me to. Thank you to both of you, if you read this!! Know I'll do the same for you any day!

Anyway, right now I'm praying that we can move out of this place. My landlady is not very honest and it's disappointing. Our neighborhood isn't safe and there's nobody for my kids to play with but either out-of-control children who are neglected and their parents are druggies and partiers, or children who, well, I won't say here. It's just not a good situation. But we've hardly been home anyway since Tyler's been gone, so I guess that doesn't matter right now. I do have a good babysitter for my children and the girls love it there, especially Lacie. I'm very happy for that.
Okay, I'm tired. Gotta get back to my project.
Good night, and please pray for us and Tyler.

Missing Him Terribly

2010-04-01T14:21:00.002-06:00

I am missing Tyler right now so much it hurts and makes me feel physically ill. Crying so much today is making me so tired I'm feeling exhausted. It hit me like a storm last night and it hasn't subsided since.
I guess the initial shock is wearing off.
I know Sophie is hardly parting from her pacifier and "silky". I've never seen her dependent on them so much. She misses her daddy's tickling and kissing and cuddling. He was so sweet to her and Lacie. I cannot be their dad, too, as hard as I try.
I'm finding nearly no time for myself at all. I'm being drowned by homework and assignments due, housework, Lacie's schoolwork and projects, doctor visits for Sophie's broken foot, cooking, bills and budget, and people pulling me this way and that.
I can keep busy because I have no other option right now, not really, and even though I'm busy I cry right through what I'm doing.
It's not just that he's been gone for nearing two weeks now and this is the FIRST TIME we've been apart like this in over 7 years, but knowing he's going to be gone HALF A YEAR!!!!
I hurt remembering his voice and crying over the phone when he got to call me on Monday. That was incredible that I heard from him. But I knew I would. I felt he would be calling me. He told me he'd sent a letter as well but I have yet to see it and I'm hardly holding myself still while waiting for the mail lady every day. I can't wait to get his address so I can send him his 20 page letter I've hand-written for him and the Easter cards the girls and I made for him. I know he's anxious to get it and I don't blame him in the least. He's having a really hard time, too.
I don't think people understand how close Tyler and I are. I know we haven't had the most perfect marriage or lives, but we are truly best friends and are sealed for Eternity and we know and feel this together. It's hard being without him so suddenly when we were together nearly 24/7 before because he and I didn't have jobs. It's a huge shock and a huge adjustment.
When Tyler called I told him how proud I am of him and how much I love him and think of him every minute of every day and this brought a big emotional response from him that I didn't anticipate. I'm praying so hard for him, and so are the girls.
I wish that someone could help me around the house and playing with the girls. I'm so swamped and I'm not being able to do everything I need to do. I'm so stressed. No income at all, no unemployment, nothing. I have 100.00 to last for all of April. That's my gasoline alone, not including food, utilities, co-pays, medicine, rent, bills, and everything else. I need a miracle, or several.
I have a few good friends giving me emotional support right now that I desperately need and appreciate, but it seems like my ward and most family have dropped off the face of the planet. I know people think that their distance from me is for my own good, but isn't that up to Heavenly Father to decide? Why keep your compassion and charity from someone who needs it when that's not your call to make?
I'm not mad or bitter, just overwhelmed, sad, lonely, surprised.
Well, now I better go shower while Lacie's in school since I haven't even had the chance to do that for myself in 3 days!!

TYLER'S GONE!!! And Sophie broke her foot!!! :(

2010-03-24T22:01:00.003-06:00

Tyler is gone!!
We had a very successful farewell party for him on Saturday the 20th. It was for EVERYBODY that had known or does know Tyler. We had a very good turnout and it was so much fun! Tyler and I were so busy the entire time that we hardly even saw each other. There were several missed people, but we still had a super awesome turn-out and Tyler felt so loved and supported by many.
Sunday was a very wonderful day, sad day as it was. We got to spend time at my grandparen's house in Bountiful. They sure love Tyler a lot. They say that he must be really special because he married me haha. Isn't that cute?
Tyler offered to make dinner for them and my family so all of us got together with my grandparents and Tyler made his last dinner for all of us. It was so good! Homemade chicken noodle soup! :)
We had a good time together.
Then Tyler and I drove to the hotel where he'd be staying the night. We went to say our goodbyes.
Mom and dad and Andrea came with so that Andrea could drive me home and my parents could drive the girls home.
It was so hard!! It was so painful and sickening to say goodbye! One of the hardest things I've ever had to do!
I've never seen him cry so hard before as he did when he held me and the girls. It was upsetting to me to see it.
It was Sunday that I realized that I was a military wife and all my life that I've realized about military wives I've always felt soooo sorry for them. My heart would ache for them and I'd cry for them when I'd see their loved ones leaving or returning and I remember always being grateful that I wasn't one of them. When I mentioned this to Tyler one of our friends, Chad Neth, his song came on the radio and for some reason his song coupled with what I said just hit us really hard and we both started to cry so hard. That was our very last time together alone.
I was really lucky to get 4 phone calls from him. It was so good to hear his voice! He was going through all sorts of emotions. But he's strong. I've been getting impressions to pray for him, though, which I have been doing, of course!
Lacie's really struggled with him being gone. She and Sophie both cry for him to come home off and on, but Lacie more-so than Sophie.

Today for the first time I left the girls with a babysitter that God blessed me with for while I'm in school. I HATE leaving my girls! It does not feel right to me.
Right before I got there to get them Sophie had fallen from the monkey bars in their backyard and hurt her foot. I got there and could hear her screaming in pain. I was alarmed cuz I'd never heard her scream and cry like that before. I knew she was really hurt.
I took her home and my friend Kristen showed up right after we got back and brought us dinner! It was the biggest life-saver!!!
Sophie had stopped crying but she refused to walk on it. She gave it an honest effort but I knew something was wrong so we packed up and took her to the Emergency Room.
She was so easy-going and not crying or anything so I knew they didn't really know what to think about it. After they did the x-ray, though, they all got serious.
She broke the big bone up the big toe in the middle of the foot. It's a green-stick fracture.
They referred me to a bone/foot specialist who will probably refer us to Primary Children's Medical Center. We'll see how it goes.
Just now Sophie keeps saying she wants daddy here to see it and she always is asking me if I miss daddy.
Poor kid woke up from a long nap after so much pain and she's been shaking and has a slight fever and is talking about how it hurts.

Okay I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now and aching for Tyler.
Time to end this.

He Leaves in 6 Days!!!!!! :(

2010-03-15T03:56:00.004-06:00

I cannot believe how time has been rushing by!
Things have been so strange, surreal, and hard. Very hard.
Amazing to me how people can be so insensitive with things they say and do during hard times like these. Suddenly I realize how much people's own lives revolve around themselves. They're mindless of how their words and actions can really hurt others.
I've had many people say hurtful things to me lately, as if they know better or even know what they're talking about. Sometimes they've only meant well, but when they don't really know what they're talking about and only say things that can be offensive and/or hurtful then you know they don't understand and don't have the Spirit directing their words and/or actions.

I don't know how other women do it when their husbands are gone so much. Tyler and I are SO close. So very, very close. Very best friends, and practically inseparable, we tell each other everything. We really are "one". It seems most people don't understand this. I see lots of couples who aren't very close and they are calloused about our separation. And I see many who are used to being separated and they forget what it's like the first time to be apart for so long.
It honestly feels like I'm preparing for his death!! That is how hard it's been on me, on us.

We also have been seeing very clearly who are true friends and who are not. It's been hurtful and joyful at the same time. Amazing "angel-like" friends are appearing out of no-where and some who we thought were good friends are dropping like flies.

Another thing that's been hurtful are those that have no faith in me as a mother. No faith in God. No faith in anything. I believe in God and I believe He has all power. I also know that he doesn't allow us to go through anything that is too much for us to be able to bear. I know that He provides a way. We know this is right what we are doing and when we are obedient to God then He provides a way to help us accomplish whatever He's asked or commanded us to do. (1 Ne 3:7).
In my Patriarchle Blessing it says that my many talents and abilities will come out while I am a mother in Zion, and I really feel this is the time for those to start coming out.
I just KNOW that Heavenly Father is going to help me and take care of us.
The ONLY thing I worry about is discouragement, depression and people who will continually lack faith in me and put me down. I don't want to feel like that. I don't want to feel too tired and discouraged to try my hardest or keep plugging along. I pray I have the strength, energy, health, stamina and desire to be awesome while Tyler is away. I really hope that my memory improves!! Pray it does!

Also, I need to clear something up. I heard from a direct source that people think Tyler joined the Army to use it to pay off our debts. NO. N-O!!!!!!!!!!!!
We did it because it was RIGHT. We desperately needed the health benefits, we needed the steady income and pay-checks, and, Tyler had always wanted to be a Soldier in the U.S. Army and we were literally directed straight into this path. It was the ONLY door that opened for us.
We did NOT get ANY bonuses for signing up!!!!!!!!!!!! They don't hardly do that anymore!! It's not a "enlist and get rich" thing at all!! This is purely sacrificing for us right now. It really is!!
We aren't even getting paychecks for almost 2 months!!!!!!! Nothing!!
WE ARE PAYING OFF OUR DEBTS ALL ON OUR VERY OWN. We are greatly struggling to do this, and we are not filing bankruptcy or anything like that.
And our debts are NOT consumer except one at RC Willey. It's ALL for medical.

whew. I hope people who need to see this actually do, or someone forwards it to them because, frankly, I'm SICK AND TIRED OF JUDGMENTAL, KNOW-IT-ALL PEOPLE!!!!!
Heavenly Father please help me not let people get to me so easily!!

I'm so sensitive and trusting, accepting, loving, naive in lots of ways, forgiving, and more. because of this I get hurt a LOT and very easily. Especially with GOSSIP. Lies, exaggerations, wow. They've hurt me and tarnished my reputation forever with friends and family both.

Okay, now to end this. I'm getting irritable now and I'm SUPER tired and very emotional. I think I'm emotional for a good reason, hopefully others will understand and remember that, too, instead of jumping down my throat.

HE LEAVES IN 6 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Tyler's farewell party is THIS SATURDAY. If you want the details to it please write me. He would love to see anyone who knows him. He, and us, need any support we can get right now.
thank you!!!

A Mini Update..... he leaves in 13 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-03-08T04:26:00.003-07:00

I cannot believe how fast time is running by! My Tyler leaves in 13 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lacie and Sophie are being prepped by Tyler himself and they are sad. Sophie feels like he's leaving her because she was bad and Lacie's just distraught over the entire thing. She's a daddy's girl through and through and has been since day 1!!
I'm sincerely hoping that I can keep my girls busy and happy and satisfied with life while their daddy is gone.
Remember, he's been with all of us pretty much 24/7 since he lost his job over a year ago!!! This is going to be the exact opposite for us. Here 24/7, then gone 100%.
I have a lot of plans on how to keep us busy and happy and I really hope they can work out!
Money will be EXTREMELY tight but I am praying that creditors and doctors will work with us on payments so that I can afford to get the girls swimming lessons, maybe even dance or martial arts lessons. I think they'd be so happy to do something like that!
I want them to take piano lessons and I'd love to teach them both violin lessons. I'd have to rent the miniature violins, though, and that's 30.00 a month for the both of them. Well, that's what it used to be when I used to teach Lacie.

I have a wonderful ward member who is going to be watching Sophie for me during the day and getting Lacie to and from school. What an answer to prayers she was!!! And she has girls my girls' ages and they're in the same classes and everything. I'm so happy about that!!

I'm still trying to decide on going to school in the Summer. If I do I'll have to find another babysitter. I'd go for only 2 reasons: 1. my own thing away from home to keep myself busy in my own personal endeavors and 2. for the loan money. Yeah the money reason's not the best reason, but that money we could use to pay off a little more immediate and impatient debt and also to use so that we can fly to Tyler's basic training graduation in May or June sometime.

Right now we're trying to cut from our lives those that only have negative things to say and think about us. It's been very hard doing this because, unfortunately, some of them have been family. Here's what I said to one of our cousins last night: "They say that blood is thicker than water. But what if that blood is poisonous? Do you keep the poisonous blood or switch to pure water?" Honestly, what makes more sense? I'm pretty sure the "family" that have been giving us problems won't be reading this anyway, and we both have such huge families that almost none of you can even begin to guess who these people are. But just the same, I won't mention who they are, and it's not just been family. It's been "friends" and acquaintances. It's hurt, but it's been more painful to have these negative, self-righteous and judgmental people in our lives than cutting them out.

Okay, Tyler and I have had a few opportunities to go to the Temple together thanks to my parents!!! My parents are already super busy but they realize the importance for Tyler and I to have these times alone to go to the Temple and on dates and what-not. Also thanks to Michelle!! And to Destiny and sometimes Tyler's parents and other friends and family here and there who have let us leave our girls with them so that we can be together.
We're trying to create more memories to keep with us while we're separated.

Oh, and we got more ammo for both my guns :D hee hee. Cannot ever be too prepared, right?? Tyler wants to make sure I'm 100% set for while he's away and unable to physically protect us. Great thing is that I know we'll be protected. I do wish we lived in a better place, though! The neighborhood has been getting creepier all the time with the families moving out and single partiers moving in!

Okay, now I should get to bed. I have a test coming up, like usual, and we have more organizing, cleaning, errands and other important odds and ends to attend to. If we seem "out of it" or forgetful or untouchable don't think it's cuz we have something against you at all, it's cuz we have a lot going on and we're totally wrapped up in ourselves at the moment and I'm sorry if this hurts anybody! We don't mean it. We just really appreciate your love, understanding, patience and prayers! Keep 'em coming!!

Just a little insight I had.... okay it's a long one, again.

2010-02-22T21:58:00.004-07:00

Now I realize that many of you will not agree with me but here's a little impression I received last night or yesterday or sometime fairly recently.
Perhaps this was just for me, perhaps it was total truth, or whatever, but being that I'm in no place to receive revelation for anybody outside my own little family I don't expect anybody to accept this so you don't need to argue with me about it or put me down or "put me in my place". You can share with me how you agree or not but it won't change the impressions I received that I know came from my loving Heavenly Father to me directly.

When thinking about the financial differences and material blessing differences between people that have more v people who have less I found myself seriously and sincerely pondering on this. I prayed for some, well, answer I guess.
I had been reading from the scriptures, reading from Sheri Dew's book No Doubt About It, and considering my family, friends and ourselves in this dilemma.

The fact is there are lazy and negative people out there who dwell solely on what they DON'T have and some don't even think about it that much. They just don't think but sit around, waiting to be waited upon.
And there are some who marry and wait on their spouse or still wait on their parents for all their support while still remaining LAZY.

But, there are those of us who are not lazy. We go to school and do the best we can there without dropping out and whining about how hard it is, and those of us who work as hard and best as we can, and those of us who don't have jobs that have labored diligently and faithfully in finding another job without success. And those of us who have physical ailments that prevent us from doing as much as someone who has little or no physical ailments.
I've met so many people the last few years who are very good and faithful, smart and willing people who CANNOT do what others do to be considered successful in this life. I'm positive that these people, as much as those who are happily successful, have as much chance to make it into the Celestial Kingdom as the next obedient person.

Okay, now here's what came to me when thinking about all of this.
"God blesses some to have easier, more successful and enjoyable lives to help make them be happier and more positive people, which help inspire and encourage and give hope to those who struggle through much opposition (lack of money, health, opportunities, support), which then helps them have Faith and continue to have to have hope through all their trials which make them stronger and even more faithful people which then in turn inspires those who are blessed with more to become better people".
Does that make sense?
I had to write it down quickly so as to not forget it.

Pretty much, if people are righteous and follow the Commandments of God and keep their Covenants made with God and each other, then this plan is PERFECT.

God blesses some with great success as a result to their hard labors, heavy studying, and struggles in life.
God also keeps great success from others who struggle and study just as much as those who do receive great success.
This doesn't mean anything, except that we all have different callings and missions and expectations in life.

Remember the scripture that's in the New Testament that says it's easier for a rich man to enter through the eye of a pin that it is for him to enter the Kingdom of God? Why does God say that anyway?
Well, think about it.
If a man/woman gets success for their labors (or even just an inheritance) it can easily get to their heads. "I earned it" "I worked for it" "I deserve it" "It's mine".
The FACT is that ALL THAT WE HAVE IS GOD'S, NOT OURS.
He chooses who gets what in this life, period. It has NOTHING to do with what we do. Sure we can say it does, but think about it. There are some people who do very little and gain a lot. There are some who do a lot but gain very little.
God doesn't reward laziness, Eternally.
Riches and material blessings are not Eternal. They are extremely mortal. Just because someone is hard working and smart with their money doesn't mean that they're Eternally rich. God can give them lots of material wealth but does that go with them into the next life? Do those riches even matter?
NO. Obviously no.

God gives us more things to see what we choose to do with them.
Where much is given much is required.

I'm rambling on a lot more than what I intended, and I'm 100% sure that most who read this will not agree with me. But that's okay. This is something I felt the Spirit taught me personally and I felt like sharing it, for whatever good it could possibly do.

Here's a good example of personally seeing this in my life:
My dad is a very smart man. Perhaps one of the smartest people I've ever met. He's educated, qualified, hard-working, wise, and righteous.
Is he rich? No. He doesn't even have a job. Is it because he's been foolish? NO! Is it because he's been disobedient? NO. Is it because "he's missing something"? NO!
I am getting SICK AND TIRED of hearing people judge my father for his lack of material success in this life. Sick of it.
He's worked just as hard and as smart as the next rich guy, if not HARDER than.
He is not being punished. He is not missing something. He is not forgetting something that's keeping material blessings from him. It is simply that Heavenly Father doesn't NEED him to be rich. He is keeping my dad close to him because that's where he needs him. When we are struggling and poor we usually are humbled which makes us have more faith and the spirit is stronger in our lives making us more susceptible to receiving specific blessings and revelations and inspirations in our life that we otherwise could not have received had we been greatly materially successful.
One this is for certain. My dad is more charitable than any other rich man I know. He is more humble. He is more understanding. He is less judgmental. More accepting. More teachable. More in a lot of ways than any rich man I know.

Now I do know a lot of rich men that are amazing men (and women). I'm not saying that they can't be just as righteous as my dad is and even better.
The point is, just like the scripture says, it's harder for a rich man to make it into the Celestial Kingdom and not because money is evil. No. It's because being humble and having true charity is that much harder. It really is.

When being blessed with material blessings it's hard to remember those who are struggling. It's hard to think about what others with less could possibly be going through.
Usually what absorbs our minds are "they're not doing this right" or "they're not wise with their money" or "they should've done this instead" etc. As if they know better and think that the poor man is foolish, stupid and unwise or not righteous enough.

So here's my point.

Just because you worked really hard and got lots of money doesn't mean you deserved it, and it doesn't mean it's yours, and it doesn't mean you're better than "so-and-so" that has less than you did.
And just because you have no money or no job doesn't mean that you "deserve" less than the rich one. It doesn't mean God hasn't blessed you and it doesn't mean that you're stupid or "missing something" or foolish.

Just remember that the most important things in life are not the fruits of our physical labors, but the fruits of our Spiritual labors.

The wise man built his house upon the rock is not talking about physical things here. It is completely spiritual.

To God ALL things are Spiritual. We cannot comprehend all that the Lord comprehends.
Where we are faithful the Lord stores up TREASURES IN HEAVEN, NOT ON EARTH.

And I really believe this. I really believe that even if I don't ever "score" where money and material blessings are concerned, that they'll be waiting for me in the next life if I remain faithful and endure to the end. And I also know it has nothing to do with how hard I work or how smart I do things but it has EVERYTHING to do with God's plan and God's will in all things.

So I guess you can go ahead and keep your money since you think YOU earned it and it's YOURS and it's because of everything YOU'VE done. Remember that to think this way is thinking you're as great as if not greater than God, because ALL you have is the Father's, and it has nothing to do with your righteousness or smartness and ALL to do with his Plan and will.
As long as we DO OUR BEST and remain faithful we will be blessed AS THE LORD SEES FIT.

I pray that you ALL can understand what I wrote here.... but I won't count on it.

Oh well :)

Staying Positive

2010-02-21T04:18:00.004-07:00

As many of you know, who take the time to actually read my blogs, I have been through a few things the last few years (or pretty much my entire life) that are a bit hard, a bit dragging, and trying, etc., etc.
I know people don't like to hear negativity or pessimism, etc. They also like to say that life is what you make it, or attitude is everything, and much, much more.
Well I can say that they are not wrong. I agree. But, I can also say that no matter what there are some of us that are simply and factually at a better advantage than others are.
Just tonight I was looking through an old friend's pictures on a public profile site and was blown away by all the places she's visited in her lifetime. At first I was happy and enjoying all the pretty pictures and interesting places and things she's done, but as I continued to look through them, seeing more and more, the harder it was to be as happy. Sure I was happy for her!! I would never desire to take that fun and enjoyment out of her life in a million years! But it was hard not to think, or remember, the disappointments in my own life. The dreams I had that have never come to pass, and quite possibly never will in my life.

Tyler and I have always had hopes for a brighter future. We both love the outdoors, traveling, music, and just plain ol' "getting out there". We planned on backpacking together, camping, traveling, owning a home, even if it was a tiny junker of a home, of living life!
The reality is that we have not gone anywhere "fun" or exciting or adventerous, we have not even had the chance to.
Life has thrown many curve balls at us and considering everything that has happened we have come pretty far. At least we think so.

So while we see many around us, literally around us i.e. friends, family, neighbors, etc., getting out and living life and being successful we find ourselves struggling to barely make it from one day to the next and sometimes wonder "why us?" or "why couldn't we do that?" or "why can't we have that?" etc. I mean, really. It's hard to sit in a tiny, old, falling-apart townhome without a decent car and not even being able to afford the basic necessities and while I battle with numerous health problems, family problems, even friend problems, while we watch others around us, happy as can be, living up life, successful, having babies on demand, owning beautiful homes that they can actually buy furniture for, going on vacations and trips and everything else without feeling a little like we're missing out, or like our trials are harder than some others are.

It's hard to stay positive in these situations!
Especially since we know we have been working so hard to get on our feet let alone get ahead in life. Especially since we know we've been faithful, perservering, working hard, studying hard, praying hard.
We haven't been overly stupid or unwise. We haven't done anything WRONG, perse, it's just not been that easy for us.

The other day someone arrogantly said to my husband and unemployed brothers "it'd take me just one day to go out a find a job". He's never been in need of a job, layed off or fired. How does he know?
Then an ignorant and arrogant comment from a meaning-well friend "if you'd just lose your weight all your health problems would go away". HA. I wish! Yep, I sure do.
And another comment from well-meaning people "you must be doing something wrong for nothing to go your way! Maybe you don't have enough faith?"
And another "you're not positive enough. If you want it then believe it and it will happen". HAHA.
Still more "you haven't been wise..." "you (Lisa) should've put Tyler through school with you working" "you didn't try hard enough" "your time will come" and so on and so on.
How do things like these help or encourage us?
They do not!
Then one of the most hurtful comments I got from someone who I used to think the world of "I didn't want to keep you as a friend (on facebook, or anywhere actually) because I knew that all your posts on facebook were so discouraging and it was just too much for me to handle. Maybe when I feel like I can handle it all then we can be friends again". She also had written me that I just wasn't positive enough. Well, I guess I could make my updates say things like "wow the flowers are pretty today" or "I like my shoes, they don't have holes in them" or "I'm glad I didn't die today" etc etc.
Sorry our lives have sucked. It's hard to write anything about our lives when hardly anything positive ever happens.
Of course more positive things have been happening more lately, and we have full faith and hope that things will get better!

Anyway, my point to this blog was that even though it's SO HARD to see everyone else's successes and blessings in open plain view I can at least say that I've kept the faith and that my faith has been made stronger through all of this. And I know what's most important in this life, and for the Eternities, too: family. MY family. And anybody else that feels like being LIKE family to us, too. I'm not talking flesh and blood, because that doesn't count so much. It's the family that you make, the family that choose to make you their family by how they treat you, accept you, forgive you, understand you, love you, help you, encourage you, and have charity for you.
I have the most amazing "family" in many good friends (a few in particular.. you know who you are!!) and my own hubby and daughters and other flesh and blood family who support us in thick and thin.

I can say this much. That I know Heavenly Father must love Tyler and I SO SO VERY MUCH to have put us through so so very much!! Because of what we've been through it's made us stronger in many ways: faith, hope, charity, patience, long-suffering, understanding, and with each other and even most importantly it's made our relationships with God so much more stronger! I've been learning invaluable lessons that I know couldn't have been learned in any other way and for that I'm Eternally grateful to my Father in Heaven for all these blessings (trials) that he's given us.
Yes, it's VERY HARD and yes, sometimes I cry and hurt over things people do and say to us and what we don't have and can't have etc etc., but I trust in God to know that He loves me enough that he wouldn't put me through anything more than I am able to handle and that this is ALL FOR MY GOOD and one day, if not in this life, I will have my blessings that are being laid up store for me in my Father's Kingdom.
This I know is true.

So if you cannot handle hearing about somebody's life that is hard and they talk about it then you're not strong enough to handle me, or life in particular, period. Because if you're one of those "lucky" people who thinks it's been through your own amazing smartness and faith and hard-work that's got you that nice, big house and those amazing vacations and trips, and those nice cars and clothes and furniture, and awesome church callings, then think again, because GOD GAVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU HAVE and He can take it away just like "that". Do not ever allow yourself to think that you "earned" anything you have. Do not ever think that you owe yourself this or that, or that you deserve such-and-such, or that you worked hard for it so that's why you have it. When you think like that you will automatically think you're better than others, maybe not on purpose, but really, if you got all you have by YOUR hard work and then you meet someone like me and Tyler and see what we DON'T have you'll automatically think "they didn't work hard enough" or "they're not ambitious enough" or "they don't have enough faith" or "they aren't smart enough" or "they were unwise in their decisions" etc etc. That's not fair, really. And it's judgmental, really.

But to those of you who do have different blessings than Tyler and I have or that have wonderful material blessings that we do not have and still are our friends and love and accept us, God will bless you for that and for not judging us. And we love you so much and are so grateful for your friendships, be you family or friend!

So, I must be vigilant. I must "keep plugging along", as my Grandma Pearson used to always say in her letters to me while I was on a mission. And with that I will keep my faith, striving to be positive and count my blessings among all the chaos and trials and sorrows, cuz really, what else can I do but that? I can accept nothing less from myself.

Andrea's getting PUBLISHED!!!! And other li'l updates

2010-02-16T02:41:00.004-07:00

Okay I realize it's been FOREVER since I blogged! Okay not forever, that was a slight exaggeration! I figured since some time has passed that I might as well update y'all on our little lives!
So to address the main title of this particular blogging of mine I'll let you all know that my little sister Andrea Pearson has officially signed with a publishing company and her young adult fantasy book called The Key of Kilenya will be published NATIONWIDE on July 6th 2010!!!!!!!
It will be available at all the major bookstores and online! I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO happy for her! It's been an emotional roller-coaster for me as well for many reasons but mostly because I'm just so happy for her, so happy actually that I cried my eyeballs out today after hearing the great news!!
Andrea had several great publishing companies offer to publish her book, but being the Spiritual giant that she is she completely and entirely relied on that to know which would be the best to go. You can't argue with that!! lol She chose Valor Publishing Group LLC
She'll be starting a book-signing tour arranged and managed by her publisher in July when her book comes out traveling all across the States to Barnes & Noble bookstores. Wow I wish I could go with her! What an adventure!!
This woman is just amazing. Whoever gets to have her for their Eternal Companion is one incredibly lucky dude and he better know that or I'll have to block him one!! lol

Now the family update!
Tyler is getting more nervous and more excited every day to get to Basic Training next month! I'm getting more nervous, period! I am very excited for what he's going to be learning there and all the experience he'll get, and I am even just slightly envious of it, but I know that if I ever let the thought penetrate too deeply into my head and heart about him being gone I start to sob so I stop that thought IMMEDIATELY cuz I hate crying! And I don't want to look like a big, weak baby!! lol

We have been making important goals and changes in our lives, too. I just have felt greatly impressed that these changes must be made to help our family and to help each of us individually. Such changes include being more selective of what types of entertainment material is allowed into our home, more strict and consistent with having regular Family Home Evening, and scripture study and prayers, and working on personal things as well for each of us. It's a lot of work, you know, when deciding to make changes that require effort and dedication, diligence, and real strength. But I know it's right.
Since starting these changes the Adversary is paying us extra attention lately, and as I will not get into the details of that, we are realizing that his influences are just as real as God's are and if we do not stop him short then we will lose. Bit by bit, piece by piece, he slithers softly and subtly into our lives until we've gone so far that we're past-feeling and do not even recognize that he has become a regular guest, maybe even taking up a more permanent residence, in our own homes and in our own hearts.
We've had blessings and prayers and temple-going and other things to help us keep our chins up, our faith strong, and our attitudes more on the positive side.

I have been thoroughly enjoying Institute! My teacher is a riot and I totally love him! Brother Peterson. Wow, he's really fun, intelligent, educated, entertaining, and loving and caring. I love the Orem Institute! Those who choose not to go are not only totally missing out but are making it harder on themselves. Trust me on that one, even if you don't agree.
I have been feeling the Spirit so much more lately, so clearly, and IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. To know when something is true, the Spirit speaks to both your mind AND your heart, not to just one of them. IT MAKES SENSE. That is, if you let it in and you really want to know the truth. Of course if you're angry, stubborn, prideful, spiteful, rebellious and selfish then he cannot penetrate your heart and mind thus making it nearly impossible for you to feel these feelings of knowledge and surety and peace that come with the Spirit speaking and teaching truth to you. I'm sorry you're missing out. It is your choice.

I also have started reading No Doubt About It by Sheri Dew. Can I say WOW enough?? I don't think so!! A dear friend of mine recommended it to me and I am SO grateful to her for following promptings from the Spirit and telling me to read this book!! It's helping me SO very much right now and has been like perfect medicine for my heart and soul. And I literally mean that! So go read it if you want to know more of what I'm talking about.

Lacie's getting better in school! She was struggling for a bit there, but jumped over that hurdle and is now spelling words for us and writing and reading!!!!! She's incredibly brilliant. I've noticed with Lacie since she was brand new that if you carefully show her how to do something exactly, she can take it from there and master it, sometimes even the second time she tries it. She's really amazing. She's such a sweetheart, too! She got up on Valentine's Day on Sunday and drew a "card" for Tyler and I each! She drew cute pictures, hearts, and To Mom From Lacie, etc on them. They were DARLING!! Brought tears to my eyes! My baby girl is growing up SO fast and she's such a special girl and I'm super lucky to be her mother!! I just hope I can be what she deserves!!

Sophie's such a funny girl, and so cute. She's always checking in with mommy needing hugs and kisses and cuddles, then goes back to destroying the house/toys/clothes/makeup/food she was previously working on. She's a very independent little girl and insists on doing everything by herself! lol. She changes her clothes several times a day and she demands dresses and dresses only, no matter the weather! She sings in perfect pitch, matching whatever's on the radio in the bathroom (usually classical music or church music) or what's on in the car (daddy's old country or oldies or whatever). It's so sweet! She dances and prances, being a princess, and if given a chance will tell you the funniest stories! Usually she's pretty quiet, keeping to herself, but don't let that silence deceive you!! She's a very strong-willed, stubborn, and determined little girl!

Also, last of all, we sold our truck!!! We now own no vehicles and we have to return my in-laws car that they were gracious enough to let us borrow for a couple of days tomorrow so we'll be taking the bus and walking everywhere unless we can find ourselves a decent car! We've been madly searching for cars the last week or so and even more intensely searching since we sold the truck! We've driven as far as to Ogden from Orem! It blows me away how dishonest and misleading people can be, and it really is a hurtful disappointment for me every time. When someone advertises that there are NO PROBLEMS with a car just know right away that they are LYING THROUGH THEIR TEETH!!! lol. Seriously!!! I swear I was the ONLY one telling the truth when I was advertising our truck!! I did forget to put one thing down on the ad which I feel so so so bad about, but I simply forgot! It wasn't an issue, at least not a serious one, so I'd forgotten about it entirely. But at least I wasn't purposely deceiving people and trying to con them!! We go look at a "perfect" car and it has broken lights, shorted out electrical, torn out stereo, missing seat belts, broken struts, leaking oil, bald tires, no oil, you name it! And they even go as far as to say that these same cars can pass emissions and inspections! Either they're lying out-right about that or they're taking them to some underground or black market car inspection place to pass the E&I!! Come on people! How can you live with yourselves???

Anyway, we will continue the search for a reliable and easy-on-gasoline cheap car, and meantime I must FORCE myself to concentrate on writing my play and two papers due this week, and study for 2 tests (or 3?), and clean the horribly messy house, etc etc etc.

Wish us luck and hopefully I'll write sooner next time than I did this time cuz if I wait too long Tyler will already be gone and I'll be crying too hard to be able to even see what I'm typing!! LOL

LDS Film Festival, Famous People, and School

2010-01-24T00:53:00.005-07:00

So this week was an exciting one!
Okay, the last two weeks, whatever.

Michael, my second to youngest brother, entered the LDS Missionary Training Center in Provo Utah on the 6th, the same day I started school. I already miss him so much! He's going to be a great missionary!
School has been fun, really fun! I love all of my teachers and I'm thoroughly enjoying the subjects. Intro to Theatre and Intro to Criminal Justice and an Institute class called the Gospel and the Productive Life. I'm actually learning something! It's great! (I DO have a brain in there! lol).
Then I went to see my doctor finally after over 6 months, maybe close to 9 months, of not going. I'm supposed to go every 3 months but yeah, couldn't. Anyway, quick update on my health. I got my blood checked to see my thyroid levels and see if I have diabetes since my eyesight just went down the drain in a very short amount of time. I have yet to get those results. He also wants my brain checked, and get this, to see if it's working right. No, not some psychological crazy person stuff but memory problems. He's worried my brain my be degenerating or something. WHAT THE!!! Well, my memory is bad and when I say that I flippin mean it. Nobody takes me seriously when I say it. Then people get exasperated with me because I forget things all the time. It's like things never even happened sometimes. I try to remember events or words and I draw a complete blank. Anyway, enough about that. It's discouraging.
I also got to go volunteer at the LDS Film Festival this year. Wow I LOVED it!! I cannot believe I've missed it all these years! It was it's 9th year and going very strong. The founder of it, Christian something-or-other, was super nice and such a classy guy. He was there all the time. I spent hours there, ushering, collecting ballots, counting votes, organizing other volunteers, selling books and DVD's, passing out the FILMUTAH magazine, and meeting so many amazing people!
I got to mix and mingle with some big Utah and Hollywood film makers, and no, not all of them were LDS, either. They were such nice and fun people! It was a really great atmosphere there at the Scera in Orem. Speaking of the Scera, that place is GREAT! It's a-hoppin! It's big, beautiful, renovated, and the theatres are awesome. Their plans to enlarge and expand the place are simply breathtaking (well, IMO they are). They have big plans in the works to becoming one of Utah's hottest film and arts centers. I cannot wait for that! Of course, sadly, I won't be in Utah to experience it first-hand. :( :(
I finally got to see The Yankles, a movie I was a Featured Extra in. They cut a lot of my scenes out, but oh well! The movie turned out great! A lot better than I'd hoped, even. It's 1 of 5 chosen to be featured in the L.A. Film Festival. How cool is that?? I was very, very disappointed that not a single one of my friends or family members showed up for it, though. At least I got my Tyler and girls to come and we got to vote. It was very fun!

Another really cool thing happened while I was at the Film Festival. I got to meet an author named Paul Thomas Smith. He wrote a book supposed to be excellent called Sacred Walls. His son, Brandon Smith, made it into a film; a documentary. Brandon also made a film about Mormon's and Masons based on a book. Check it out HERE.
Anyway, Paul Smith and I got to talking about his writing and I mentioned that I'd had a very symbolic dream about a pyramid. He began to ask more questions about it. I gave him a few interesting details and told him the entire dream was filled with symbolism and I'd had it several years ago and I've been feeling strong impressions on writing it and publishing it. I also mentioned that my grandfather was an author and wrote books for the church and told Paul that he had encouraged me to write since I was a very small girl. He asked who my grandfather was and I told him Glenn L. Pearson and when I said his name his eyes opened wide and he looked at me in astonishment and said "That's your grandfather??" He then proceeded to tell me how he knew my grandpa and had heard of his name until they were in SLC working on CES material together, or something of that nature. He loved listening to grandpa talked and had great respect for him. So, Paul told me that he'd love to hear about my dream and gave me his email and phone number and he'd help me write it and, I'm hoping, help me get it published eventually. Or at least lead me in the right directions.
I was SO EXCITED!!! I cannot even tell you how elated that made me feel! I felt that my grandfather lead me to this festival and right into the path of Paul Smith. Why? Well, for one they know each other, second, Paul respects my grandpa, third, Paul's specialty is in symbolisms, fourth, Paul is a writer.

So now that has been my life as of late.
I'm excited for my future now, at least I have more and more to look forward to every day. Sure, my health might be deteriorating, but I have amazing people surrounding me every day and so many hopes and dreams that look like they actually have a chance at success!

Pray I can remember what I need to do to keep the ball rolling!! lol

I'm In School!

2010-01-17T22:04:00.003-07:00

Well since it's been a little while since I updated I'll do it now while the girls are sleeping and the house is nicely quiet!
A few new things are happening around here, I suppose.
For one, I have officially restarted attending college! Wow! And honestly, I'm LOVING IT!!
At first I was kinda scared because it'd been so many years since I've gone but now that I'm in it and going along it's been great!
I'm meeting new people, interacting with other adults (it's WEIRD and different! haha j/k!), and finding that I'm an old fart compared to so many that are there. Though, what's kinda cool and makes me feel good and kinda stupid at the same time is that everyone thinks I'm younger than I am. It's funny. Even with all this extra weight on me I still look younger than my age. I'm 31 and they think I'm in my early to mid twenties. I can't complain about that now can I? Well, okay I can because sometimes I'm treated like I'm stupid, but oh well! At least I'm not treated like an old fogie!! haha just kidding!

I'm taking intro to Theatre and intro to Criminal Justice and an Institute class called The Gospel & the Productive Life. So far they're all really great and fun classes. I sincerely believe that taking Institute throughout college is a MUST. It really helps in so many important ways with school and with my personal life and testimony. If you don't keep up with the little things that help nourish your Testimony YOU WILL LOSE IT. (no-brainer, frankly).

I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to get everything done for my classes with Tyler gone. I'm gonna have to find people who I trust who can babysit for the plays I have to go to and be in and the nights when I need to study and write papers. But we'll see. I'm sure I'll manage.

We sold a car Glenn was charitable enough to give to us. We didn't make much. We almost gave it away it was so cheap! lol
We're also trying to sell our truck. Only 97,000 miles, 1990, extended cab Ford Lariat, 8ft bed 3/4 ton, F250. It's an AWESOME truck. Doesn't give us any grief at all! The driver side window is busted out but it only needs the glass. Everything else works great. Oh the AC needs to be recharged, but that's it! It's a steal of a deal! We've had lots of people calling on it. One person saw it already and said it was too big for them but he loved it nonetheless. We're only asking 1500.00!! Okay enough trying to sell my truck here LOL. Anyway, we're going to sell it because we don't need it anymore since Tyler's going away to the Army and I need a cheaper car to drive all over the place that's reliable and safe for the girls and me. We'd like a Honda or Geo but CANNOT go over 800.00-1000.00. That's TOPS. We just don't have the money. We have to sell the truck in order to buy the car, ya know?

Okay, what else....

Oh, I have another new niece!! Ashlynn Paige Pearson. She's so adorable!!! She has TONZZZZ of thick, dark hair and light eyes. She looks a lot like Alicia. Maddison, her big sister, looks a lot like Erik. I'm so happy for them to have a new baby. New babies are so special! They bring such strong, special spirits with them and it changes the entire atmosphere of a place. Why people kill their babies before and after birth I will NEVER be able to even comprehend. Sorry, had to throw that in there :(.
I especially don't understand them because we haven't been able to have more babies. We've been trying for years now with no success. And now with Tyler being gone, well, the chances of becoming pregnant any time soon are quite low :(.

Anyway, sorry my blogs are so long. I know most people don't read them all, but oh well. They're missin' out! lol j/k!

Wish us luck with everything! We need it!! :)

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

2009-12-26T02:59:00.002-07:00

Wow another Christmas came and went so quickly! I swear this year just snuck right up on us!

Overall we had a good Christmas this year.
The girls got TWO secret santas this year which helped us out immensely! And thanks to family and friends who contributed to our Christmas otherwise Tyler and I would've gotten nothing, and we are soooooooo grateful to those who contributed to our Happy Christmas!

Christmas Eve we spent with my family like usual. It was fun. We missed my brother Glenn & his sweet wife, Andrea, and our little nephew Brayden. They were visitn her family this year in Georgia. She was happy to be home and I don't blame her. How wonderful!
Michael had to work all night at Dominos. That was very disappointing, made my mom cry. It's his last Christmas here before he leaves on his mission for 2 years to Japan in just 2-3 weeks!
It was probably our last Christmas Eve with my family, too, since Tyler's in the Army now and we'll most definitely be moved out of State.
We had a lot of fun, though! We had delicious dinner and a talent show. It was cute! The little girls are so fun to watch show off their little talents.
Then we opened presents from each other. It was great! Thanks to the love of family & friends my parents were able to get us all something. The little girls all had a blast! We held it at an LDS church and it's a big one so the girls had tonz of space to run around and play all night.

Christmas morning we did the usual. Open presents. We had a lot of fun seeing what the girls got from others.
They both got boots and church shoes and that was so wonderful because neither of them had either! They got PJ's, undies (the usual), an outfit each from grandma Pearson, a pair of cute shoes, some My Littlest Pet Shop toys, Sophie got a plush Tinkerbell, they got some art supplies and playdough, a doll and clothes for the doll, and some dollar store toys we got for their stockings. They had so much fun!

Then we went to my mom's for a little bit (30-60 min) and looked at their presents (they didn't get hardly anything. That goes with dad being without a job for about 1 1/2 years) and gave Benji one of his presents. Thanks to so many charitable people Benji and Mike Liu (like foster siblings) got donated a lot of clothes and gift cards and books and things. They had a good Christmas this year. I was very happy for them because Benji's mom died this year and he hasn't seen her for several years or been home to Mexico for many years and Mike's family is in Taiwan and don't have anything nor celebrate Christmas at all.

Then we went to Tyler's folk's house and had a delicious dinner of Tyler's amazing roast beef. WOW he's such a good cook! Go figure since he's going to be a cook in the Army. Lucky soldiers who get to eat his food!! Then the girls opened a couple presents and all the girls played and had a great time. Tyler and I got to play cards with his sis and mama and then we loaded up taking Tyler's youngest sis with us for the night.

I love Christmas! I used to be quit e the scrooge, but because of Tyler and ESPECIALLY because of having children, I LOVE it now. I don't think about myself during this time of year. It rotates around others and especially my children and I LOVE it! I love buying and getting and wrapping presents for family and friends and seeing their reactions to whatever they get. It's so much fun for me!

Tomorrow we are celebrating Lacie's 6th birthday!!! So far only ONE friend is coming and she doesn't even know it. She's such a social bug it's probably going to crush her, but hey one friend is better than no friends!! And she LOVES Isaac! (thank you Kristen!!!). Her young little aunt who's staying the night will be there, too, which I'm so glad for.

Christmastime just includes Lacie in it. It's her birthday on the 27th.

I gave Lacie the middle name of Marie for a few different reasons. 1. It's a major family name. My mom-in-law has it for a middle name, my grandma-in-law does too, and it's my aunt's name in my dad's family and I just idolize that amazing woman! 2. Then it's my great-grandmother's name (middle or first I'm not sure). My grandpa Pearson spoke so highly of her and I wanted her to be remembered through the ages so passed on her first and middle names to both of my daughters. 3. Mary = Marie. I thought of Jesus' mother and wanted to name my little precious daughter after the mother of Jesus and Marie is Mary and it fit perfectly.

Okay, that's it for now. My eyes are blurry, watery and burning (I really need glasses like something fierce now) and it's 3:15am and I need to get to bed so this is very rambling and probably slightly detached and I'm just so tired!

Merry Christmas everyone and THANK YOU SOOOOOOOO much to those of you and whoever the secret santas are that made our Christmas even fathomable this year!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!

Santa came today!!!

2009-12-19T15:12:00.002-07:00

Santa clause came today!!
Well, it was actually a surprise secret santa from our ward!
We were just hanging around the house getting ready to leave when someone knocked on the door. Lacie opened it to find two big Kohl's bags full of wrapped Christmas presents. WOW!
With the gifts came a card with a note. The note explained what every gift was and for whom. The girls got a pair of snow boots and church shoes each which are two things we REALLY NEEDED. Talk about tears of joy!!!!
I love this time of year. There is so much excitement, love, charity and joy in the air. I love thinking about my Savior Jesus Christ and the endless, omnificent love he showed for us by coming here, living the perfect life for example, then dying for us.
Christmas is a very special time of year.
Please remember why we have Christmas! Remember why it's called CHRISTmas and how it started and why we celebrate it.
Remember those out there who have less than you do like someone did for us. That's one true spirit of Christmas. Giving gifts. Like Jesus did for us. He gave his life as a gift for all of us.
Christmas is a good time to follow his example, and to reflect on all he has given us and all we have to give of ourselves in return.

Now we are so excited for Christmas morning! We have something exciting to look forward to for the girls instead of just dollar store presents. hee hee.

Wow thank you "Santa" for coming early this year!!

Frampton Family Christmas Letter 2009

2009-12-18T02:14:00.002-07:00

December 2009
Dear friends and family:

This year has been an interesting year for our little family. Tyler got promoted at work at the beginning of the year only to be laid off of work the 1st of March. He continued to go to school with full-time credits at Stevens-Henager and remained on the Dean’s List despite the stresses of life.

We are very excited for this coming year and all its changes that await us. We love this time of year during the Christmas season. We feel the spirit of charity; of love. We feel closer to our friends and family, and we feel the love of our Heavenly Father because of the reminder of the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ.

Tyler enlisted in the U.S. Army 23 of November 2009 as a Cook. He is very excited but also very nervous. He continued going to school almost the entire year until just this month when he put his schooling on hold until after he finishes his Army & Cook training next Spring-Fall. He continues to play around on his guitars, always coming up with a new tune. He enjoys his down time playing games online and on his Play Station 2. He can never sit still for too long before getting restless and always can find something to do to keep himself occupied. He already attended his first Drill with all the local Army Units in our area and really enjoyed himself.

Lisa has started to write a book based on one of her dreams. She really enjoys writing, reading and interior design. Her acting and modeling career have been on hold because of her illnesses but she hopes to be able to pick that up again one day soon. She is excited to be starting up in college again as a junior at Utah Valley University. She’s still unsure of what to major or graduate in but is thinking about many things like an Attorney, Police Officer, Public Speaking, Journalism, Theater, Forensics, among others.

Lacie has been growing by leaps and bounds. She started Kindergarten at our local elementary school and has been doing wonderfully. She loves to read, or at least tries her best at reading, every single day. She has learned math, to read a few small words, writing, and is amazing at art and music (of course!). She sings very well, plays the piano, and even a little bit of violin. She loves to dance, draw, paint, play with all her toys and especially loves playing with her friends and little sister, Sophie. She turns 6 years old two days after Christmas and can hardly wait!

Sophie has also been growing up so quickly! She speaks very well and has a very broad imagination. She is a quiet little girl for the most part but always finds plenty of things to get into, always reminding her parents that even though she’s quiet she is definitely there! She loves to sing and has nearly perfect pitch. She also loves dancing, painting, and is obsessed with Tinkerbell and swimming. She is almost 4 years old and talks about her future birthday party on a daily basis. She and Lacie are best friends.

So there you have it! Our Frampton family update! If you want to keep up to date with our family please feel free to follow Lisa’s blog written for the family at www.LisabugFrampton.blogspot.com

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!!!!!

Married To A Hero

2009-11-30T14:44:00.004-07:00

So what would you do if you were married to a hero?
Well, I don't know what you would do but I know what I would do.

My husband has this hero mentality. He's a true hero at heart. If there were such things as Super Heroes then he would certainly be one.

I noticed this quality in him when we first started to "hang-out" together before we got engaged or married. I was having an especially hard day and all my friends had left my apartment and I was left home alone crying in my room. I finally got over myself and decided to go outside for some fresh air when I opened the back/side door and there sat my future husband on the step waiting for me. I was totally take off-guard. He'd never seen me cry before first of all, but the fact that he'd stayed behind for me instead of running off with all our 20 or so friends really impressed me, and quite frankly, surprised the heck out of me. Nobody had ever done that for me before (besides my own mother lol). He stood up and turned around and looked me in the eyes, saw that I had been crying which I had attempted to hide unsuccessfully and took me in his arms and just held me. It was the best feeling I'd had in a very long time to know that he cared for me that much. That's when I knew he was "my type". I love the hero types!

After we'd been married not even a year we welcomed our first baby into our lives. Instead of doing what comes so naturally to many men and run off to work or to hang out with buddies he instead stayed home with me for an entire week, changing baby Lacie's diapers, making me food, cleaning the dishes and laundry, and holding me when my post-partum depression kicked in. He was, again, my hero.

About one year later or so we were walking in the parking lot towards the big ol' Walmart when we noticed an elderly woman in one of those motorized shopping carts struggle to get out of her cart and to her car. She had a basket full of groceries besides this and we had no idea how she planned on getting those into her car when she herself could not even walk. Without hesitation my dear husband rushed to her aid. He took her elbow in one hand and held onto her other hand, helping her into her car. Then she popped the trunk and he unloaded all of the groceries into her trunk, shut it, and waved her a goodbye. "I wish there were more young men like you!" she called after him. We did too.

He's done this exact type of things countless times since then. I've lost count, now. It seems that we see people needing help all the time and very rarely do we see anybody rushing, or even moseying over to help them. It's disappointing to say the least.

Being the hero-type that Tyler is, he wanted to serve our community so he tried for the Police Academy and the Sheriff's Department. He, unfortunately for one reason or another couldn't or didn't make it. But he didn't quit there. He was bound and determined to be a hero.
He decided he wanted to be a nurse or doctor or EMT so he took medical classes at a college, acing his way through them because of course they come naturally to him. He then took an EMT course and got certified.
He's always looking out for opportunities to help somebody. We've stopped many times when there's been an accident to help those involved and he's wished he's had a medical kit with him in the trunk.

Now, my dear hero, is going beyond what even I expected him to do. He's enlisted in the U.S. Army to be Active Duty. He wants to serve our country; fight for freedom and the constitution.

What better heroes are there out there than those that give up their very lives to fight for our freedoms and our families, our land, and our lives?

So, what would you do if you were married to a hero like I am?
Well, here's what I do.
I pray to my Heavenly Father every day, thanking him for sending me my hero to be my husband and the father of my children. I give him kisses and hugs, thanking him every day for what he does for us, and I love him with all my heart and do my very best every day to make him happy in return.
I mean, really, there's no way to repay a hero what he/she deserves after all that they do and sacrifice, is there?

I love being married to a hero! I can always count on being taken care of no matter what and I know my children are the luckiest kids around to have such a man in their lives.

Thank you, Tyler, for being my hero, and now the hero to millions!

Intermountain Healthcare & Medical Debt

2009-11-27T02:50:00.003-07:00

This link I'm posting shows a video that needs to be watched. This fits us to a T.

What most people don't understand is why we're in such a financial crisis. It's because of our medical debt. Even when we did have health insurance, the deductibles were outrageous because of their high charges for medical work to be done.
We also have had to see many, many doctors which has cost us even more before we could find diagnosis for my EIGHT diseases.
Because of our current medical debt and financial situation I cannot even go see my doctor to be treated for my Hypothyroidism, Interstitial Cystitis, Endometriosis, Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome, Infertility (due to these problems), or to be further tested as my doctors have referred and recommended to me that I do (i.e. my heart, and other possible diseases).

We have credit cards that are over maxed out and personal loans that we took out BECAUSE OF OUR MEDICAL DEBT. And that's it. Not for extravagant lifestyles or playing or even for nice things. We've lost our car!! We cannot buy our own clothing, etc etc. I cannot write down the extent of the damage that medical debt has caused here on a public site but I can say that it's ENORMOUS.

Nobody has been able to help us. No consolidation companies or programs or attorneys. They've ALL told us that our ONLY OPTION is to file bankruptcy, which we cannot because we don't even have the funds to do that!

Because of the debt that we have with medical bills and the credit cards to pay for past medical bills and the loans, we get 3-12 calls A DAY with collectors and attorneys harassing and threatening us, even to say "we don't care that you don't have a job we have to be paid and we'll garnish your unemployment if we have to". Tyler has tried EVERYTHING, as have I, to plead with them, threaten them, promise them, beg them, ignore them, work with them, but to no avail. They never keep their side of the bargain, either.

It's completely unfair that I cannot even see my doctor and buy the medications that I NEEEEEED to take care of myself.
How on earth can I have a full time job when the pain I get sometimes is crippling? Of course it's more than I show. I'm not a ball-baby or a wimp. My pain tolerance is extremely high. Just because I don't cry all the time or lay on the couch with my arm over my fore-head sighing from the pain doesn't mean that it's not seriously there. I don't receive much or any sympathy at all from most people, and it's probably because they don't realize what I'm going through.

Pretend you have dull knives and a crappy hand blender and you take them to your insides on a regular basis. That's me almost ALL the time. Try that on for size and see how you like it. These pains wouldn't be so bad or even there at all if I could get the medications that I need and/or the treatment that I need (surgery, chiropractors, etc).

Anyway, please don't frown on us because we are doing poorly financially. It's NOT our fault, as much as many would like to believe. I've had an earful from "friends" (who I've recently dropped) that thought they knew so much better than us on how to do it. If it's one thing I cannot stand it's people who think they know best when they have no idea what they're talking about and are on a "high" because they're doing so well presently; they cannot comprehend what we're going through. They think they know what will help us.
RRIIIGGHHTTT. Yeah, Tyler and I are two really dumb pathetic morons that can't add 1+2. GRRRRRRRR. I HATE being treated like I'm stupid and pathetic. HATE IT.

Okay so here's the link I promised: http://utahcpr.org/

Now I am NOT writing this for sympathy or attention or a "woe is us" thing, but to bring some LIGHT to the subject. I believe that this must be addressed. And what's scary is that Obama recognizes IHC (Intermountain Healthcare) as one of the best in the United States and wants to model our future healthcare system after it. WHAT????? NO WAY!!!!!!!

so, enjoy the video and comment there or here as you like.

Tyler is Enlisted!!!!!!!

2009-11-23T15:43:00.003-07:00

Wow! Tyler got enlisted today! It's official! He's now property of the U.S. Government. Holy cow. No longer a civie.
He's signed up as a Cook. Not his first choice, which would've been a nurse, but it's his second choice and he's happy with it. He's doing what any MAN would do and that's taking care of his own family and I am so proud of him!!!
He was glowing when he came home and whenever he glows that's when I know he's doing what's right.
We've really come a long way. We've been through a lot since we've been married (even a little before we got married, too) and I am proud of us. We have remained faithful no matter what's happened. Why blame the church and God for trials we're required to go through? We're only throwing away our own eternal salvation when we have "temper tantrums" and not go to church, not pray, not read our scriptures or pay our tithing, etc. Having these fits to try to prove something is only hurting US and our posterity.
Believe me, we have had plenty of "good" excuses to stop being faithful to God and his kingdom (i.e. His Church) but excuses do not fly with God and we know that.

Right now I'm feeling happy and good about this. Tyler said that when he swore in that a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. He felt excitement, pride for his country and what he's sacrificing for it, happiness and satisfaction. I'm also feeling anxiety because I'm not looking forward to having him gone from me and for SO LONG! It's going to be so hard not having my very best friend in the whole wide world around me! It's lonely not having him share a bed with me and not having someone I can go to for everything. It's going to be lonely not having someone by my side at church and family events. It's going to really suck not having dates or having him with me when we get together with our friends. It's going to be VERY HARD. And I know myself, I'm going to cry my eyeballs out and feel totally alone.

I know there are a few "select" people (always the same people) who do not believe that I will be able to do anything with Tyler being gone. These people don't believe that I can take care of myself let alone my children. Such horrible and demeaning things to think! Hello!! I'm 31 and have plenty of experience taking care of children and even living on my own. It's extremely offensive that these people are saying such negative things about me to my husband. What can he do? What can I do? I guess just let them be. They believe and think whatever they choose to make up in their own minds without any proof or evidence from me. Once someone doesn't accept you they probably never will. They've made up their minds. Heck, I could win Mother of the Year award or Wife of the Year award and they'd still believe the same way. But even if I was handicapped and wheel-chair bound and completely incapable of doing anything for myself or my children I'd still have my iron-clad testimony. But, to these people testimonies don't matter as they've proven to me over and over again. Eternal Life doesn't matter. Eternal Family doesn't matter. At least to these people. I have a very strong testimony, I know the Gospel and the doctrine, and I teach my children the right. That's what matters the absolute MOST. At the end of the day what matters the MOST is that my children are taught from the beginning how to have their own testimonies and that me and my family are DOING what we can to earn our eternal life. Yes, it has to be earned.

Anyway, PHEW! Enough of that! Besides those people that only want to see me fail in life, I am excited for what lies ahead of us!

I really feel that Tyler's and my Patriarchle Blessings are being followed and answered in this new life we have ahead of us. I know that this will strengthen both of us in ways that nothing else we could experience could do for us. I know that I'll be forced to be a stronger WOMAN and Tyler will be forced to be a stronger MAN. This is going to stretch us, mold us, try us, in more ways than we can even imagine right now but it will all be for GOOD.
It's one thing to do something scary and hard that will hurt us and another to do something brave and scary and hard that will cause pain (different than hurt). It will help us grow and change and progress in countless ways.

I am excited about the future now!
I get to start school again in January. Part-time I guess, but it's something. It'll help keep me busy while my best friend is torn from my side. I'm not doing school to seek after my own selfish desires, but to help me be a better person and to keep me from sinking into a deep depression.
Plus, the G.I. Bill will help me out with paying for it. I'm happy about that. It's a big stress-reliever knowing that it's there for us.

So, what's going to happen now you may be asking?
Tyler leaves for Basic Training to Fort Knox Virginia (I believe that's the State) for 10 weeks on March 22nd. Then I can go to his graduation from Basic Training. My parents and I will be saving for that so we can go together. I'm so excited!!!
Then after Basic he'll go straight to AIT which is advanced training for his MOS which is Food Operations Specialist (i.e. Cook). He'll be there for 9 weeks. His papers say a total of 21 weeks. Oh man that's so long to be without my MAN!!!!!
His AIT is going to be at Fort Lee, Kentucky (right State?). Then he'll come back home to me in Utah where he'll get the family and we'll be moved by the U.S. Army to another base in another State somewhere. No, we don't know where that will be yet. He won't get those orders until he's nearly done at AIT.
I'm really excited for that!! We'll get to move away! Yipeee!! Okay, I'm very sad about some of the family we'll be leaving behind and our super good friends! We both are really going to miss all of you who have been so supportive and compassionate towards both of us! You have been Angels to us, and I sincerely mean that!

Meantime, I'll be home alone and I'll want family and friends to surround me. If you think I don't want your help think again. Just offer!! I'm not going to say NO unless you're downright evil and horrible hahahaha just kidding!! I know that a few of you think I won't want your help or support and you're totally wrong!! I do want it! I probably won't ask, though. I am embarrassed to ask for help. Makes me feel weak and pathetic, and I do NOT like that some think I am already weak and pathetic so don't expect a phone call unless you're like my best friend or mom! lol

I love you all, no matter what you think of me, and you'll see that the Lord will take care of us!! He already has been taking care of us! And yes, it's been mostly through other people, but isn't that how it works? God works through others to help each of us.

Now we're going to go celebrate!!!!

Delays & Answers To Prayers

2009-11-15T00:42:00.005-07:00

Well Tyler would be enlisted right now in the U.S. Army but when he was filling out his paperwork while there at MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) they asked if he's had ANY Emergency Room visits. Well, he had a couple of ER visits. One I will mention here and it was his chest pain he was having while taking his EMT class at the Firestation. Well, they never officially diagnosed him with anything but he hasn't had any problems since, not really anyway. We think it's a strained muscle in his shoulder and it's a bad one. His sister's tried working on it in the past and has had to put her ELBOW into it and it will not relax! Stubborn little bugger!! lol So I told Tyler I will work on it up until he leaves for Basic Training. Anyway, unlike what some people seem to think, it is NOT my fault he was having chest pain. (I was actually blamed TO MY FACE by one person and implied by a few more that it was my fault he was having chest pain! Can you believe the nerve of some people? Seriously!). Anyway, so his MUSCLE spasm, NOT caused by his wife but by his lifetime of construction work, caused an issue that was very painful for him and he went to the ER for it because he was with EMT's and Paramedics who insisted he go for chest pain. I think they were using him as an example to the other students in the class that as EMT's you should NEVER take chest pain lightly, no matter what you think it may be. It's just too risky! So away they whisked him to the ER. I'm just praying that this one little thing doesn't prevent him from being able to enlist! How stupid would that be? Seriously! But he has a really good recruiter who's willing to "bust his butt" as he puts it to get Tyler in.
Tyler isn't enlisted yet, unfortunately, but he will be this week one of these days. Not sure exactly which day. He might have to go to the MEPS thing all over again which means leaving here at 3pm in the afternoon on Wed and not getting home until 3pm the next day. Wow just 24 hours and us 3 girls really missed him!! And he might have to do it all over again.
He passed everything else so well, though, so having him repeat it again just seems a little excessive, but oh well!

Everything that's happened has been leading us up to this point. This point of Tyler enlisting in the Army. Things have just happened SO quickly and so smoothly! They say when things fall into place like this that it's right!

I've also been learning some interesting things about the Spirit. The Spirit can come ONE TIME and tell you when something is right, correct and true and then it doesn't need to hang around reminding you of that constantly. You have to have faith in that answer you got and cling to the memory, doing what you know is right that it lead you to. That's why converts can have an amazing experience, or a definite one, when they first discover the truth of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and once that initial feeling wears off and life continues and trials come as they always do that it's easy to forget that feeling and a little bit at a time we let things go that help remind us of that until it becomes too faint and eventually they lose it altogether and leave the church again. This happens to anybody actually, not just converts. It can happen to any member of the church.
Anyway, so when you receive that answer you should probably write down how you felt about it. After you get that answer COUNT on it that Satan/the Adversary is going to indefinitely try to discourage you from following through with what you know is right. He's going to depress you, scare you, intimidate you, give you doubts and discouragement and he will use any means necessary to derail you. He will use friends and family even! Of course these caring people do not realize they may be assisting in this negative way at all because they don't mean harm, but it is a fact that people are used quite regularly to discourage people from choosing the right. Even if they mean well.
If something is indefinitely correct or good or true the Adversary will try to stop you. If it was NOT right he will NOT have to try to stop you so you won't feel these negative feelings. He'll leave you alone! So sometimes this can cause great confusion.
For example, now this might seem like an absurd example, but it's an obvious one I can use, say you have a choice to take illegal drugs or not to take them. You decide that it's the right thing to do to take them. The Adversary is NOT going to give you feelings of doubt that you chose the right thing. He's not going to make you feel confusion, frustration, discouragement, depression or anxiety that choosing to take the drugs is the right thing or not. He will leave you alone! He knows he "has you" and will thus let you go ahead with your obviously WRONG AND BAD decision. BUT, when you have the Spirit of God with you, or the Light of Christ, or the Gift of the Holy Ghost, you will have a SURE KNOWLEDGE that it is wrong. It won't be confusing. It will be a FOR SURE STOPPING knowledge that it is wrong. It will be strong enough that you cannot ignore it inwardly. Outwardly you can pretend you didn't feel it and go ahead with your bad choice, and when you do this enough times eventually you stop feeling this absolute knowledge that something is wrong. You've actually desensitized yourself to the point of not feeling when this knowledge of what is right and wrong is no longer felt or recognized.
But, you can also choose to follow that knowledge and turn around and walk away without another thought about it!! It's so much easier to just follow that knowledge.
Now, say if you pray about it and feel that it's NOT right to take the illegal drugs, the Adversary will be aware of your decision. Do you think he'll leave you alone? Well, probably not unless he knows for sure that he has no chance of swaying you. He will make you doubt your decision, he'll plummet you with guilt and peer pressure, anxiety, discouragement. He'll annoy you so much that you begin to doubt your decision! That's when people cave. They give in to those feelings and they don't follow through with that initial answer they received of what was the correct choice.

I have to give this example, because I feel I must. I was hoping I wouldn't have to, but here it is anyway!
When Tyler and I were first getting to know each other I was still interested in another man I wanted to marry. I felt God approved of my decision to marry this other man, but he also told me that it was up to BOTH OF US. And this other man did not choose me. It hurt. But that's okay now. So I meet Tyler and start to get to know him. I feel something about him that different than with any other man I'd ever dated. I prayed about the man I was to marry and I had a dream OF TYLER! I dreamed of him before I really knew him. I was friends with his younger brother, Joe, and I thought Joe was such an awesome guy that I was always saying "Gosh if Joe just had an older brother!". And lo and behold he did!! I was never interested in Joe in "that way" hahaha thank goodness cuz he's my brother in law now!! I loved the qualities Joe had and since there was no attraction there at all for either of us I just was hoping there'd be another guy out there that I would be attracted to that would be like Joe in many ways. Well, then I met Tyler. I saw him on a Sunday sitting next to Joe at church after the night of my dream and I KNEW I'd found him. Only then I didn't know he was Joe's brother. It wasn't until I went to his house and saw their pictures on the wall that I knew they were brothers without a doubt. They just do not look like each other at all! Joe is a whitey with very blond hair and blue eyes. Tyler is a very stocky dark man with black hair and brownish-gold eyes. So I was thrilled when I found out they were brothers. When I finally got over that old boyfriend of mine the Spirit told me Tyler was the right one, or at least Heavenly Father approved of my choice as did my future children (he was the FIRST one that my future children approved of, actually, and I felt this very, very strongly). I prayed about him and I felt it was RIGHT. Just being with him and around him it was confirmed over and over again.
When the decision to get married was made that's when HELL literally was dragged in to stop us! It was INCREDIBLY HARD!!!!!
We did NOT have support. We actually had friends and family who fought against our union and would say and do anything to try to discourage us from being married. I cannot believe the extremes to which the Adversary went through to try to prevent this special union of ours. There were waves of doubt, discouragement, anxiety and sickness that hit both of us at random times and places, and almost ALWAYS when we were around specific people who did not approve it was VERY strong. It was incredibly difficult!!!! It was one of the most difficult decision either of us have ever had to make!
But we both knew it was correct!
On our wedding day I got up that morning and prayed again, telling the Lord that I was putting my entire faith and life into his hands in trusting that this was the correct decision and to bless me with peace and strength. Well, it washed over me and lasted the entire day of our wedding! The Adversary gave up when he knew I was not turning back and there was nothing he could do to ME to break it up.
Tyler also prayed and said "Stop me Lord if this is not right, but I feel it is" and even though he was literally shaking in his shoes of nervousness he felt it was right! After we were married we felt GOOD. We felt calm and peace and happiness and promise.
It has been difficult, being married (not to each other, just life has) but it has made us both grow in HUGE ways. We've been strengthened so much! And we've grown closer together than ever before! Even though there are some that still do not respect our Eternal Marriage and would throw parties to see this Eternal family torn apart, we are happy together, feel fulfilled, and have never, ever, ever felt like anything was missing. We feel complete and whole together.
My point here is that when something is RIGHT the Adversary will work to prevent it, using ANY means he finds necessary, even family and friends, to try to prevent the right thing from happening!!! And when it is wrong he leaves you alone! You get a distinct KNOWLEDGE that it is wrong and either you forget it or you can easily turn away from it once you make your choice and it's easy to let it go and forget about it.

You can tell when something's not right for you. Like if you're looking at a house to buy you KNOW when you walk into the right place! Or just a place to rent. As soon as you drive up or walk through that door you know if it's a yes or a no. That is when it's one of those DEFINITE things. There are cases where the choices we have don't matter as much and it's not necessary to feel a YES or a NO. But you know it when you feel either of these! It's only after the initial YES that you can receive discouraging thoughts and feelings and emotions that can drive you away from what you know is right.

Wow I just realized I really got into a tangent there!! hahaha sorry about that!! I guess I really felt impressed to share this tonight.

So, back to what's going on with Tyler and I!! haha.
We are being delayed in enlistment and also in where we will be living. We aren't sure if we'll be staying here or moving to government housing. I just don't want to have to start over in another ward and then in a few short months have Tyler GONE. Not only with the girls have their daddy GONE 24/7 for MONTHS (which will be EXTREMELY traumatic to them) but then they'll have to get used to new neighbors, new house, new ward, and even a new school!!!!! AAAAAAHHH!!!! I really hope we don't have to move there! Now, it's not a bad place, and it actually has THREE bedrooms instead of two like we have now, and it's all one level (thank you from my poor bad knees!) but yeah. It's government housing which means strict rules and also the price of the rent is determined from the gross income of the house. That can be bad and too expensive if Tyler is making too much. Being in the military it will be too much, especially if I have any hope of ever getting out of debt again! Thank goodness the military has sooooo many wonderful benefits! That will literally SAVE US.
So we are meeting with our bishop, HOPEFULLY, tomorrow and counseling with him about our options and see what our choices will end up being after that.
I am just really scared of being ALL ALONE after Tyler is gone. I hope that family will get closer to me and the girls, even if they'd rather not, especially for the girls and since I'll be so lonely being without my best friend in the entire world!!!

So, pray that things will continue to fall into place for us!! We need prayers for peace, comfort and guidance!!

A Mother (and/or Father) Enabling or Smothering?

2009-11-13T00:43:00.005-07:00

I've been thinking about this lately and I just feel like I need to write down what little impressions/thoughts I've received about this topic.

You know when a mother loves her children when she's willing to do anything for them to keep them safe and cared for. The more she's willing to do the more she must care, because it requires sacrifice and selflessness to do so. Even if it means that they have to go through a hard life to obtain growth, wisdom, strength and development of character.

Then there are mothers out there that don't care so much for their children and we see what happens to those kids. The list is endless and it is tragic.

Besides the mothers that don't do much or anything at all for their children there is the other extreme as well. It's called smothering or enabling.
You can tell these moms apart from others because they're overprotective. I mean to the extreme.
If their child wishes to do something that will take them "out of the box" or has any amount of risk or "hardness" attached to it the mom will do whatever it takes to keep them from doing it, even if it means discouraging them or even demeaning or belittling them, causing great feelings of doubt, depression, and a bad self-image. They begin to think that they can't "do it", whatever the "it" may be.

Mom's can be overbearing and smothering without meaning to. They can over-do their mothering, if that makes sense.
They can keep their children back, keep them from progressing, growing, learning, exploring and figuring out who they really are.

I don't mean that mothers who teach their children a certain religion or ideal are smothering. Not at all. They are educating their children when they do this. The more education you have the more power you have over your choices and free agency. What I am saying is that when a mother tries to keep education from their children and keep them from hardship in any way they are hindering them. They are hurting them, not helping them.

Of course when a child is very young they must have this type of attention from their mother to keep them from causing serious harm to themselves or others, but it's got to slow down and eventually stop. Sure a mom can give her "opinion" or "counsel" to their child, but it needs to stop there.
For example, if your grown child wants to go to a certain college you don't approve of as a mother you can say "I don't like such-and-such college because _____" and leave it at that. If they want to know more they can ask. But telling them "I don't want you to go there because I don't think it's right for you, I think it's a bad idea, and I don't think you can do it" or "that's too hard for you" etc., that's discouraging, among other things.
There's a time when you have to allow your child to grow up. A time when you have to cut the apron strings, so to speak. A time when you need to let them govern themselves and trust they'll make the wisest of choices.

I know there are certain times when a mother's advice is needed, ESPECIALLY when their child is making very bad choices (i.e. drugs, alcoholism, adultery, and other serious sins/choices). Of course they need to know what is right and what is wrong. Saying "I don't think that taking drugs is a good idea because of this and this" is a great way to help a wayward child. It's better than to just ignore the problem as if it weren't there and hope it'll go away. But when it's a choice that isn't spiritually killing them and that is hard on them, let them go! Let them do it and learn for themselves.

(Okay I'm totally babbling. I'm not sure if I'm making much sense here cuz it's almost 2:am).

I was just thinking about how a mother, when good intentions are her desire, she can actually start smothering instead, causing more harm than good and then an example popped into my head I'm sure you've all heard before.
A mother can teach and train their children, but they cannot live their lives for their children, they cannot shelter them from a hard life and they cannot always be there when bad things come along. They have to trust that their children will be able to handle it on their own and also realizing that their children will probably come out stronger in the end because of the hard things that come along.
Think about the chick in the egg. The chick must struggle it's way out ALL BY ITSELF or it will die. If the mother was to worry about the chick going through something too hard and help that chick out of it's egg it would kill it in doing so. The chick will not have the necessary muscles built up by breaking through the egg shell in order to survive. The mother must let the chick struggle and work hard on it's own.

Trying to protect your children from a hard life is causing them more pain and suffering than anything else. Life is hard. That's the way it's supposed to be.
It helps us grow and progress. We learn wisdom. We learn long-suffering and patience. We learn how to rely on God and on the wisdom of others who have gone on before us. We also learn a great deal about ourselves in the process.
Just because you're afraid your child is going to have a tough marriage doesn't mean you should try to stop it. That's going over the line.
Just because you think college will be too hard on your child doesn't mean you should discourage them from attending. Think of the damage that will cause! They won't be educated, they won't have a good career. They won't be smarter. They won't have as much confidence. They won't grow.
That's just one example.
There are many things that we must go through in life and some things are different for one person than for another and it may be through specific hard things that you can learn important lessons in life that you can learn in no other way.

Like, going on an LDS mission. It is very difficult on many levels. It can even be scary. But not going on one because you're too afraid for the pain and hard work and being away from family are very bad reasons not to do it. There are missionaries that die every year serving their missions. Does that mean we all should not go on one? NO way!! I know that me serving my mission was the best decision I ever made and that the lessons I learned on my mission could not have been learned in any other way. My mom was sad to see me go. She even feared for me. But did she try to stop me? Did she discourage me, scare me, demean me, give me doubts? HECK NO!! She was proud of me! She was proud that I was willing to put my life in God's hands, make major sacrifices, and trust that I will do well and learn from it. Was it hard? Oh yes it was very hard!! Was it worth it? Of course it was worth it and more!! I cannot place a price on that experience!

I know that mothers can get really worried and over-protective of their children. I know this because I'm a mother myself. But if I was to follow my girls around and faced all their problems for them and discouraged them from doing something that was "scary" or "hard" then I would be hindering their growth, making forever babies out of them. I would keep them from reaching their potential and from discovering their true selves and seeing what they are capable of.

Let your children live their lives, hard or harder or hardest as they may be! You will see them grow and learn in ways you could not have imagined! And you will be proud of them and amazed at their abilities and wisdom that they gain from their experiences. Just teach them right while they're young and they'll make more wise choices as they grow and one day they will thank you for it.
That's a promise!

After all, isn't that how God does it? He allows us all to struggle through our trials and hardships. The more the better, in all reality. It helps us grow in countless ways that nothing else could have done for us. Forcing us to be or live a certain way does the opposite. It softens and weakens us, eventually killing us. Of course God teaches us and gives us everything necessary to help us have the most successful life possible. God must know what he's doing so we should take a lesson from that and follow it ourselves in order to be successful in life. It is the only way we can have true peace, happiness and joy. We have to know the bitter from the sweet, the easy from the hard, the sorrow from the joy, or we will never appreciate it, never understand it, never know it or become who we can become, and without those hard experiences in life we will never be truly happy.

(this goes for wives, too, who choose to enable their husbands and take their "jobs" away from them!)

Positive Changes??? And what I'm GRATEFUL for!!!

2009-11-01T06:26:00.004-07:00

Well I might as well update y'all and stop putting it off, right?

Things have been changing a little bit at a time around here and I really hope they continue to change for the good for us.

Tyler passed his EMT and is not officially certified as an Emergency Medical Technician in the State of Utah. RAD!!!!! SO exciting!!! He did so well and I totally knew he would!

And,
he's been very seriously considering and pursuing the Military, specifically the United States Army Active Duty! He's thinking about being a Combat Medic or something else in the medical field. I don't want him to do a job that will put his life in danger, and being a Combat Medic would do just that. But there are so many other medical jobs in the military I'm sure he'll consider a much safer route.
Tyler and I strictly believe that nobody should make such huge decisions in their life without first consulting the Expert. Who might that be? God, duh ;). He knows all, knows what's best, loves us and will never lead us astray, and we really have faith in Him and whatever he has planned for us.
So why stick our noses up at his commandments (or as more popularly called "suggestions") when he's not going to lead us into a path that brings sorrow and pain and regret? It's laughable, really. Only he knows what's best for us and he's made is incredibly easy to figure it out. i.e. follow his commandments, ALL OF THEM, repent when you mess up and YOU WILL MESS UP, and when in doubt ask Him, which is what we're doing right now.
Tyler and I started a fast last night about this decision. We know it's a HUGE one and will determine in a huge way the course in where our lives will lead us.
So far we BOTH feel good about it! Neither of us have felt that it's wrong. We're excited, we're happy, we're hopeful. Sure we're scared. Who wouldn't be??? It's a HUGE deal! But if it's right then that's what we're going to do, just like when we got married.
A lot of people that should have been supporting us when we got married were fighting us tooth and nail, especially against Tyler, and it only made it harder on our relationships with these people to not have their support, but we both knew it was right to get married so we did it anyway, having faith in God that he knew what he was doing. Now we're going through it again. Tyler is going through some adversity and a bit of negative feedback from the very people that should be giving him full support, but hey what can you do? Cry about it? Okay sure we can, but we will not because what matters MOST is TYLER AND LISA. Nobody else. Okay, TYLER AND LISA AND GOD. hee hee. And our family. Just us. Period. That's it. End of story. lol j/k.
Anyway, if it's not right he will not pursue it, hence the reason for the fast. We want to know for sure if it's the right course to take. I mean gosh, Tyler's putting his life literally on the line here!!! And, he'll be leaving me a single mother for many months and quite possibly YEARS as well!!!

The Army recruiter that we both met with a week ago spoke to me very frankly and directly and said that it's the WIFE that's giving the sacrifice in every way. It's HER that will suffer, HER that will be lonely, HER that gives up, HER that has the hard time. The guy gets to play Army and even though he might have a hard time he will not hate it. He might have one bad day out of thousands, but besides that he's playing Army like he always wanted to, gets to shoot guns, jump out of airplanes, save lives, play in the dirt, get strong and muscly, and do just about anything else he wants to, away from his family. He won't have to change diapers, help clean the house, take out the trash, babysit the kids, or ANYTHING.
He really laid it on thick to me. He said that I am going to be miserable most of the time and feel very lonely. He said the only thing that will keep me sane is my family's support and making friends with the other military wives.
SIGH!!!!!!!
I HIGHLY DOUBT I'll get any support from _________. They hate my guts. They hate how outspoken I am. Boo on them. They're missing out I say! lol

Okay, so those are two cool things going on with us right now.

I also reapplied to go back to school at UVU. I'm still not sure what I want to do there. I REALLY want to do Interior Design and get a Real Estate License, but I don't have the money out of pocket to do either and Utah sucks for Interior Design. Everybody here has such a bland taste (sorry!!! But it's true! Nobody thinks outside the box where design is nor will they pay for good design the cheapos!!).
Wow am I being blunt or what?
So I was thinking of Forensics or being a Police Officer. Any other ideas or suggestions? I can't do business or accounting. I'd go literally nuts with boredom!! lol
If the Army thing isn't right for Tyler then he'll be going back to UVU come January to do his pre-nursing classes. He's already doing so well! I'm really proud of him! He's such a strong man and he knows what he wants and he stands by it and I love that.

On the down side. The girls have been getting sick A LOT. My mom says it's cuz they have low immune systems and I tend to agree with her. Especially Sophie. Ideas on what to do to help them?? No, we are NOT getting any stupid flu shots so don't even go there (hahaha, sorry!) but I'll be open to any other suggestions at all!!
Right now we think Sophie has bronchitis. You should hear her cough! Poor girl coughs all day and all night long and it won't go away! Their fevers won't go away either. I'm worried about them. Poor little things!
We've missed SOOOO much church for being sick literally every single weekend!!! Okay there have been a weekend here and there that they've not been sick, but that's been rare. It's really discouraging because I really miss church and the HUGE PEACE I feel there.
I DO NOT go for the people. Who cares what they may or may not think about us? I go because I know it's the Lord's church and you can feel his spirit there and it's so refreshing. It's like filling up your battery. I love it!

Oh and I just wanted to mention a few things I'm grateful for.

1. My friends.
I have some REALLY REALLY REALLY good friends. You guys are amazing and so supportive and so good! You are true friends and I love you guys so much! No matter where we go in life I know you'll always be there for me and I'll ALWAYS be there for you! If there's one thing that I value more than I can express it's a true friendship. I am so loyal.
Anyway, my friends have been a HUGE support for us. I have really and truly needed every one of you. Sure, there have been a few that have misunderstood me/used me and hurt me and are slowly disappearing, but it's their loss, right? I truly believe so. One day, and even now, I believe that those who choose to be our friends God blesses. I really believe this. I feel it's true. So thank you so much for being there!!
2. My family.
We've had a bumpy road with some family but the family that is TRUE family has stood by our sides no matter what!!! I may have a big mouth on me and can easily offend others and those who are TRUE FAMILY know this and forgive me for this. They know that I do not mean to offend; they know I have a tender and loving heart, so they forgive. I consider a lot of my family some of my best friends and I absolutely love that. There is no better relationship you can have in this life than to be best friends with a family member. Tyler is my best friend in the whole wide world and he's also my husband i.e. a family member. I am really grateful for a few really good family members and I love you guys so much! Thank you for everything!!!
3. My girls & husband (my FAMILY family).
My girls are such bright lights in my life. I was told that I only had 30% chance of ever having a child. I was told that I would miscarry most of my babies and if any of them ever made it to birth and survived it would be a miracle. Well I have two amazing miracles!!!!
I know that I was HARSHLY and wrongfully judged when I was pregnant with both of them and had to quit working, but if I had not quit working THEY WOULD HAVE DIED. My body has an incredibly difficult time being pregnant. I was SO blessed to even get pregnant with my little girls. I know for SURE they are supposed to be here and they're supposed to be mine and Tyler's children. I feel a special connection with my two girls. And I am very very grateful I have two girls. To me they are perfect. And they're mine. And I am very lucky to have them!
And my husband. He has been through SO much. I feel like his life as been unfair for the most part but he's been so positive and even more-so he's been persevering. He has overcome some of the hardest obstacles out there and come out on top! He is a very hard worker, dedicated, and he follows what he knows to be right. Sure he's not perfect, but WHO IS in this life? What matter is that he's made it so far and has really grown into a very strong and stable man who I am so proud of and so in love with!!!!
He has faced so much adversity in his life and always chooses the right in the end. I also know that if I had taken over his job as the "bread winner" that he would not be as far as he is right now. There's just something in it for a man when he can truly be a MAN and be allowed to be the MAN and make the money like he wants to and seeks to further his education. Tyler has grown more and more into a MAN every day and it's been AMAZING to watch!!! He's really learning self-respect and self-confidence this way.
It actually has been a blessing for Tyler to have a wife with many health problems. I have not been able to go further my education and get a career that I KNOW I would have if I had been able to and if I'd done this then Tyler would not have had to "step up". I hope I'm making sense without coming across as offensive at all. But it's something that we both have realized, and I'm really so VERY grateful for it.
4. The Gospel of Jesus Christ.
This has literally SAVED ME. Saved my life, saved my happiness, saved everything. Because I believe in my religion I am strong. Not just any religion, but in the specific religion I belong to. Believe me when I say that I know this is God's one and true religion and that there is ONLY ONE WAY back to Him and Eternal Life. I'm getting tired of hearing from people that there are many ways and that every person has their own way to get to God and Heaven and that God will accept everybody into Heaven, blah blah blah. People who believe this way DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Anyway, I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL for my testimony. I sincerely and thoroughly and very thoughtfully believe in This church with ALL of my heart and mind and feel indebted to God every day for being allowed to be a member of His kingdom and His church and to partake of his Eternal blessings every single day of my life. I am so happy and satisfied with where things are with my religious part of life and what and how I believe. I have no doubts; there is nothing that I can think of that could ever deter me from this faith that I have. I AM NOT PERFECT, and I can falter, and I do make LOTS of mistakes every day, but what does matter is that I have a true testimony and I keep that by working at it every day, and that I repent of my MANY "transgressions" and errors.

Okay those are just 4 things I am very grateful for at this time. They aren't in the order of what's most important to me at all, just so ya know.

Let's just say that life has been hard and rough etc etc etc., but we're not giving up. Sure, we have enemies. Sure, we have problems. Sure, we have trials. Who doesn't????
What matters is how we choose to be at the end of the day. How we choose to react. How we choose to live.

And we're choosing to live the way God has asked us to, no matter how much rebuttal we can get, because we know that he wants what is the absolute BEST for us and wants our happiness and joy to be full because he loves us that much, and more.

Changes............ For the Good

2009-10-21T20:09:00.002-06:00

So, yesterday I saw my midwife who checked me over and set me up for an ultrasound of my (code word now) B. I have feeling there isn't anything. I think it's just that the weight I'm gaining is being weird where it goes hahaha. But I don't know. My ultrasound is on Monday and I PRAY it's a woman and not a man that does it! Yipes! But at least Tyler will be there so if the dude steps a hair out of line I'm sure he'll kick his trash for me :D hee hee.
So things aren't better around here. My doctor did do something nice for me. I ran out of my Synthroid and I think that because I've run out and been taking it wrong is why I've been gaining lots of weight, getting tired and sluggish, etc. So, he sent over permission for me to get the generic brand instead so it's only 4.00 bucks at the Walmart Pharmacy instead of 40.00!!!! So we got some today. We had 6 bucks left so just enough with 2 bucks to spare! Yes! Our prayer was answered last night.
Also, y'all know that Tyler's been seriously considering the military, right? Well, the Air Force is a definite NO because they're soooooo picky about who they let in, and all military branches reached their quota early in the year so they're being especially picky about who they let in. Tyler's past is still haunting him in the present and will be hung over his head for the remainder of his life here. It's unfortunate, but a natural consequence. I hate seeing people be stupid with their outrageously rebellious actions and attitudes. They're killing themselves and their families with their selfish actions, behaviors and attitudes.
So we have met with the Utah National Guard and the Army. We know that recruiters don't tell everything to you straight, especially when they're really desperate to get recruits, but the most recent recruiter we met with seemed as straight as they can get with his answers to us. He's with the Army Reserve. Tyler is considering going Active Duty with the United States Army. THE ARMY ARMY!!!! Yipes!!!! His background pictures on his PC is of Army dudes in full battle gear holding their M16's. LOL. He's sooo hiped!!
Well, they let him pass the first part. The part where his background was making it impossible to enter the Air Force. So we just heard that today and Tyler is SO excited. I am a bit, too. I'm happy to hear that they'll look past that.
Tyler will be taking the practice ASVAB in the recruiters office on Tuesday sometime, then right after that then he'll go up to SLC to take the real thing then he'll pick his job, get a physical, and get a huge background check done, then sign up and he'll be officially enlisted in the US Army!!! WOW.

Here's what's new with me besides the B thing.
I've gained 20 POUNDS in 3 WEEKS. In the last 3 months I've gained over 40 lbs!!! I am the heaviest I have ever been.
I am completely disgusted with myself. And very disappointed. I know that most of it is not my fault, and I also know that most people will not believe that, especially those that are naturally skinny and/or naturally healthy.
I know I used to judge people that I didn't know for being heavy/fat and I would think they were trying to "pass the buck" by saying "it's health issues". Well I know for sure now that there are valid cases where health issues made someone gain weight and which makes it harder and harder to lose it. Sure, there are those few who are lazy and sit around and eat crap all day that get fat THEN get sick, but it seems that those who get sick THEN fat are automatically put into that group of "you're fat cuz you're lazy and eat crappy" group just for how they look.
SO, after all that blabbing from me, I'm tired of being judged like this. I'm tired of people looking down on me.
But, I also am tired of how I feel. I am tired of my gut being in my way and feeling tired after I go up and down stairs, and tired after cleaning a room in the house.
So, along with Tyler, I am going to start working out. We are going to jog every night or every other night and do other work outs on the days we don't jog/run. We're going to cut sugar out of our diets (and that includes drinks) because everyone that has any sense will know that SUGAR MAKES PEOPLE FAT. DUH!!! lol
It doesn't matter what your genes are, if you eat sugar every day you're gonna gain weight, UNLESS you're very, very active like I used to be.
Being skinny came so so easy to me. I could eat whatever I wanted and as much of it as I wanted to because of everything I used to do, AND, because I was healthy!!
You know what drives me nuts? Seeing parents feeding their kids fast foods and pop and sugary drinks, candy, just plain ol' junk food, starting them with a lifetime of obesity or just plain heaviness. I know I grew up in a house where these foods were an extreme rarity. Us kids were all skinny and very fit and healthy. I rarely ever had to see the doctor growing up, none of us kids did. My parents were not perfect, but they did a LOT of things so right for us. They taught us how to have testimonies of our own which you cannot put a price on and I am Eternally indebted to them and owe my life to them for that and number two they raised us healthy. They encouraged sports, cleaning/chores, good eating and good habits. Because I have a horrible sugar tooth, I would sneak and buy my own junk food every day from the time I was 9 or 10 and on up until this day. WOW that's been stupid. All the wasted money!!
So, Lacie seems to have the same sugar addiction issues I do so we want to try to train her while young that sugar is BAD. Plus, it makes her act bad.
Anyway, I want to make some changes in my life. I have a LONG LONG LONG way to go and this is incredibly hard but I HAVE to do it!! I feel that Satan is keeping me low to prevent me from fulfilling my mission in life and I have to fight it!
In this process I will NEED desperately encouragement from my friends and family. I will need the support necessary to help me not give up or quit. I am not invincible but need constant support. That's just the way it is. It's very difficult.
I'm NOT going to "cheat" and get vit B shots or hcg shots or take diet pills of ANY kind, etc., etc. I want to do this 100% naturally. The reason for this is so that I can feel better about myself and be able to say that I did it all by myself and so that I can form healthy and positive habits so I won't fall back into old bad habits.

If anybody wants to work out with me or run with us PLEASE do so!!!! If anybody wants to contribute healthy shakes/smoothies, simple healthy meal plans, or any words of encouragement, please contribute! Please email me here or call me or whatever.
Also, if anybody wants to give their advice for which branch of military to do please tell us! We need input!! And Also, Active Duty or Reserves??

okay, me signing off now. We're going to go jog around our park tonight with the girls in our non-jogging stroller.

Mammogram? Swine Flu?

2009-10-15T18:06:00.003-06:00

Well the girls have been REALLY sick. For like 2 weeks!! Lacie's missed over a week of school and we've missed a couple weeks of church now (besides Conference Weekend).
Sophie had a really high fever for days. Today it's still around a 100. We took them to the after hours on Sunday night and they found that Sophie had a really bad ear infection and Lacie a sinus infection but Sophie's high fever was TOO high for that and they both had nasty coughs. Sophie had also thrown up a day before.
So they sent us to the ER to be tested for Influenza and the H1N1 Virus (Swine Flu).
Both of those turned out negative!! But they said that the girls had all the typical symptoms of the Swine Flu so told us to stay indoors and if we HAD to leave then the girls would have to wear masks.
Poor girls have nasty coughs now. They've complained of body aches, head aches, sore throats, stomach aches. Lacie's getting much better now, though, just has a lingering cough. They're both on antibiotics so I'm sure that's helping them than, goodness!

Now for the Mammogram thing.
This is a bit embarrassing for me and personal so please bear with me. I've been having pain in a B (=breast) for several months now. I tried changing to all natural deodorant which has helped a little bit, but the pain is still there. For a while there it was so painful and I had a lump in my underarm that hurt, too.
Well, just two days ago I noticed that one of my B's was bigger than the other which is NOT normal for me. I mean, it was very noticeable. Tyler even noticed it and said it was a significant change.
I thought about it for a day and then decided to call my midwife today even though their office was closed. In just a couple hours I got a call back and they said they'll have to schedule a mammogram. They asked if I've ever had one, which if course I have not. So on Tuesday I have to go in and see my Midwife who'll check and see which type of test would be the best (i.e. mammogram &/or biopsy).
I'm scared!!!
Perhaps it's just an infection, right? Or something else? The symptoms I have fit Inflammatory Breast Cancer. PRAY I DON'T!

I tell you, every week it's something new....................

Michael got his mission call!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-08T14:37:00.004-06:00

My little brother, Mike, got his mission call!!! It took no time at all. I can't believe they process them so quickly nowadays!
So he and one of his best friends were camped out on lawn chairs next to the mailbox, waiting for the unsuspecting mailman to come.
They weren't sure if it was coming today or not but nonetheless there they sat and waiting anxiously. They even had a Frisbee for an occasional Frisbee-toss.
Well, the mailman came and put the mail in the neighbors box next to my brother's and Mike noticed that there was a church envelope in his car but when the mailman handed the stack of mail to Michael the church envelope was not included.
Mike was so disappointed!
So the mailman drove off.
Then he stopped and backed up. The trash can was in his way so he drove forward again. Mike's thinking "what's he doing?"
Then he backed up around the trash can until he reached Mike and handed out through his window a big, white envelope from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on it.
MICHAEL'S MISSION CALL!!!!!!!
So last night we all gathered (minus Erik & his fam, Erik was at a work meeting in SLC and Alicia was just home) at 9:30pm. We waited around for a bit for more people to arrive. Mike Liu came, Benji Patron, Susan Searle from across the street (one of Mike's best friends' mom) and a few of Joshua's friends, Caleb Cox, and a couple people via speakerphone, Mike's friend Levi, and Glenn recorded it while he opened the envelope and began to read.
We all had guessed where he'd go. Guessing anywhere, really.
He's going to Nagoya Japan!!!!!!!!!!!!
Glenn when to Tokyo! So it was the coolest thing having Glenn's li'l bro going to the mission right next door to his own! So awesome! Mike already speaks some Japanese so he was really thrilled.
OH MY GOSH I'm so excited for him!!!!!!!

YEA!!!!!!!! Mission's ROCK!!!

Here's the link to the video of him opening his call!:
Michael Opening His Mission Call

Overcome With Emotion

2009-10-04T18:04:00.031-06:00

So I realize that a lot of my blog postings are of a negative nature or feeling. I really try not to do that. I really try to be positive, as much as is possible for me anyway.
Well the last two days have been humbling, painful, inspiring, and a learning experience for me.
First, some people will never, ever see what they do wrong. They will never acknowledge when they've done wrong, caused major harm to others, and never will be sorry or repent of it. Either they just don't get it or they actually do mean harm. Or both. I know that someone can do both because both of these reasons came from one and the same person in direct attack against me and my family.
Somebody who was a friend several years ago caused a fight with spreading rumors to all of her friends and it came back to her. She blamed it on everybody else but herself, putting herself as the victim when in fact, she was the instigator and made it worse than it should've been.
Instead of getting an apology for the hurt she caused between many of her friends she retaliated.
Now, years later, when she learned of another friendship I have with someone else she stepped in and made it a point to contact this person and vomit her lies and stories to her about me. Only this time it was horrendous lies and stories that left both Tyler and I shocked beyond words. When it started to sink in after I heard what she'd been saying about me, I broke down and sobbed. She said awful things about some of our family and about my dear Tyler, and about my own little girls. She twisted the very few facts she knew about and added complete and full stories and lies. It was, just, WOW.
To think that somebody can carry a grudge that was self-inflicted for this many years, and then at first chance they have at continuing an attack after so much time, is very unfortunate on many levels.
She has caused my family much harm. And we don't even know the extent of her evil and lying gossiping and we're afraid to ever find out. She went out of her way to try to make our life more miserable than it already was. She possibly ruined a little job I had making a little extra money a month that was paying for a few things like gasoline, food, and some of my medication. But now it's gone, and it's hard not to blame it on this person.

I learned that when you give someone an extra chance that has lied and gossiped in the past that you are taking a great risk.
There is a difference between forgiveness and befriending someone who's caused serious harm. You can forgive someone but that does not mean you have to be friends with that person or even ever talk to them again. You don't have to have any contact at all and still forgive them. Here's how you do it. You forgive and never forget. And that's not wrong. The Lord never, ever told us to forgive AND forget. Only HE does this for us. He has commanded us to forgive all men their "trespasses", even 70x7 times that they offend you. But he has never commanded us to forget what they've done.
There's a saying, and I know I have this wrong so correct me here, but it goes something like this:
"Fool me once, shame on YOU. Fool me twice, shame on ME".
Well, I learned this first hand over the last 3 days. And it hit me HARD. And my family. It has caused irreversible damage. It's going to take me a while to completely forgive this confused, deranged person for what they've done to me and my family. But I will eventually. But I will never, ever have anything to do with them again. And may God forgive her for what she's done.

Also the last 2 days I have been in a lot of pain, physically. It comes in waves, but it's almost constant. My I.C. has flared up and it's almost more than I can bear. I can understand how untreated I.C. can land someone in a wheelchair and bedridden. I can barely move, barely walk, and it's seriously like I'm in labor plus a tearing, sharp pain. I feel like broken glass is being mixed in my pelvis. Just remember that Interstitial Cystitis is NOT caused by weight, it's 100% INCURABLE so please people stop telling me to lose weight and it'd go away. Even eating "right" won't heal it. Nor will exercise. Believe me. There are thousands of people who've tried all of this. It flares up from time to time. The cause is unknown, and there is little treatment for it. I do need medication for it. 3 pills a day. But 1 pill is around 150.00 a month, another is around 65 a month and I didn't figure out the 3rd one cuz I was too disgusted and discouraged with the first two prices. We don't have insurance or any money for this. So I suffer. And I don't get much compassion for it. I wish I could do something about it, but I cannot.
It's like telling someone who has MS or type 1 diabetes to "suck it up" or "lose weight and you'll get better" or "eat right and it won't bother you", etc. um WRONG.
So yeah, I've been in a LOT of pain.
The reason why I brought this up and talked forever about it is that there is something about pain that can bring one to being humble.
I find it interesting that the same weekend that this enemy of ours attacked us again was the same weekend my I.C. has flared up, and also the same weekend as General Conference.
I tell you what it's made me extremely emotional. Crying over being hurt by someone's poisonous vomit called gossip, then hurting from my disease flaring up, then feeling the spirit in huge overwhelming waves has caused a lot of different emotions to surface for me.
But, through all of this, it's humbled me a little bit, just enough to sit and listen to our Prophets & Apostles and soak up their profoundly inspired messages to the world; to me.

I was very touched this weekend with a feeling of peace and calm, of love and patience. Of understanding. Of hope and healing. I am grateful for the trials that I have gone through.
Not that I'd do it all over again (HAHAHA) but that they've taught me more than I could have ever learned in any other way. They've really humbled me; softened me! They've made me rely on my testimony and on Jesus Christ.
I've been tested in so many ways.
My testimony was tested on many different levels. My loyalty was tested, my understanding, patience, endurance, faith, stability, strength. And more that I am sure that I do not even realize.

I have found that I do not waver in my testimony. I questioned some things for a time, for sure, but I cannot deny what I know to be true and what I've seen my whole life and more importantly, what the power of God has spoken to me through the Spirit. Everything always brings me back to what I know to be true. It all brings me back to truth, to hope, to faith. And I don't give up. I can't. No matter what happens, I just cannot give up or give in.

There is a lesson to be learned in everything.
Whether you're the victim or the instigator. Whether you're wrong or right. Whether you're being very tried or the one watching someone else being tried. There's always something important to be learned.

I just hope that I can continue to see the lessons in all that we have been going through and have yet to go through.

Meantime I'm sure I'll do some more crying until this weekend is completely over and my physical pain lets up, and I can officially get over the immense pain that this old "friend" of mine caused, and hopefully I'll never stop crying over the powerful influences of the Spirit of God that touches my life every single day.

School? The Military?

2009-09-29T17:46:00.004-06:00

Tyler's school told him from the beginning that he could get his Certificates he qualifies for as he goes. He hasn't received them. So he called the Certificate place and they said he couldn't have them until he got his Diploma (Bachelor's Degree). But how do CNA's get theirs, and Phlebotomists, and EKG/ECG Techs before they graduate? So Tyler was furious. He called his school and left a message with the Dean there. He didn't hear back, so today we both went in to talk to him. He called the certification place and he didn't tell us exactly what they told him but he told them (we were listening while he called them right in front of us) that other students have received theirs before graduation. Anyway, he said meantime that Tyler can print off proof that he's taken the tests and earned the Certificates and then he and another Professor who's also a doctor can write referral letters to go with this proof to use to get a job. So we printed off a couple of copies. We'll have to get more later and have to get the referral letters later since we ran out of time while we were there.
Okay, now with the Military. An Air Force recruiter told Tyler he's absolutely disqualified from being in the Military for something that happened when he was 15 or 16 yrs old. Not sure how much I can dare write down here so I won't mention what it was here. Anyway, it was soooo disheartening for Tyler, and even for me! Tyler cannot find a good job. We HAVE TO HAVE benefits; my life depends on them quite literally. I cannot find a job at all. Nothing. More and more places are requiring Associates or at least Bachelor's Degrees. It's insane! Even to work at a fast food joint or cleaning. They also like all this experience, like 2 years here, 5 years there, etc. But I'm still applying hoping that someone will like me enough to hire me.
So anyway, back to the Military thing. We're still not 100% sure Tyler can qualify for the military so we went to the Utah National Guard office at the Mall and met with a recruiter there today. He gave Tyler the run-down and an application. Even though Tyler's considered over-weight, because he's so thick in the shoulders and neck he actually just fits inside of their height-to-weight ratio! Hee hee I have a very meaty man and I love it!! :) (just had to say it lol).
But at any rate he's still going to go on a healthy diet and start to work on his sit-ups. He can pump out those push-ups so there's no issue there, it's the running and sit-ups he struggles with a bit. But he bulks up and gets in shape pretty quickly so I know he can do it. I plan on doing it right along with him, too.
He'll go in the Special Forces into the Medical Segeant. That's the equivalant of a Physician's Assistant, which is what his little brother, Joe, is. Pretty narly, eh? And in the SPECIAL FORCES!! :) So he'll get done in 4-6 years serving his time in the military, either abroad or in the good ol' US of A and then finish civilian PA school in a few short months and be done. :) Then he was thinking of doing medical school actually to be a full-blown MD. Awesome, eh?
I really hope it works out for him!!
He'll be gone for 10 weeks of Basic Training then go onto his special training as a PA in North Caroline for 100 weeks. Me and the girls would go with him for that. Our medical would 100% be covered for this entire time, plus some pay, housing and some food. AWESOME!!
Then who knows where he'd go next. But he has to have a Secret clearance. That's a toughy. I really, really hope it works out for him! He's STOKED and I'm excited for him, too! It'll be SOOOOOO hard having him gone for so long but others have done it, I'm sure I'll find some support somewhere and I'm sure plenty of other mothers/wives who'll understand and sympathize with me (hee hee).

Okay, and a clarifying on the my last blog.
I know I sounded mad. I didn't realize how mad I sounded until I re-read it AFTER I posted it! lol. I am mad about where we're at. I know we're where we're at because of US and nobody else. BUT. Just so ya know. We don't spend our money like a couple of idiots. I know I already said that but let me clarify. We bought a couch, TV, table & chairs and washer & dryer WITH CASH YEARS AGO. When we weren't in debt except with the car! (and a bit of medical). WE SOLD ALL OF THAT!!!!!!!
We got almost dollar-for-dollar back selling our stuff. I know people frowned on what we did, but we thoroughly enjoyed it while it lasted and that's done and gone in the past. We didn't go buy things when we didn't have money. That's a fact!! We don't go on vacations or spend our money frivolously.
We also HAVE to have internet for Tyler's school. He's required to log-on to his school site every single day and he has homework on there and everything. It's a half-online school. We don't HAVE to have our cell phones, though. They're nice but definitely a luxury we can live without. We plan on just not paying for them because we cannot cancel them (400 bucks!!!) and we cannot pay them. We'll just have to get a land-line and maybe a pre-paid cell phone for Tyler to take with him to work and such. Pretty basic. We'll see how it works out, though.
We've cut our budget down to the bare necessities, believe it or not. I seriously feel like we're always having to explain ourselves ya know? People assume things all the time and they're wrong. Mostly always totally wrong.
We don't buy clothes, we don't vacation, we don't go out to eat unless we have gift certificates, we don't go to movies without certificates unless it's the dollar theater, we don't buy brand-name anything, we don't buy ANYTHING.
Our credit cards and loans were to cover the following: rent, car payments, insurance, food, medical, gasoline, phone. The BASICS. Nothing else!!! So please don't get the idea that we're big spenders that put ourselves into this debt.
Blame it on my falling apart body.

Just a FYI. The washer and dryer we got on sale and they were front load and they saved us OVER 100 DOLLARS A MONTH ON UTILITIES. Beat that!!! Since we sold them and inherited my grandmother's huge, old clunker machines our utilities are over 100 a month just for electrical alone IN THE SUMMER!!! Dead serious it's the washer and dryer. We don't run things around the clock.
We're really not stupid. We've just had a lot of trials befall us and I believe that we've been required to go through these things to learn lots of lessons for ourselves and probably to help others, too.

Okay, anyway, now we'll see where this military thing goes to!! If it works out he'll be in Basic Training by JANUARY 2010!!!!!!! And enlisted in a week or two!!! Can you believe it??? WOWSERS!!!

Why we're where we're at

2009-09-27T17:27:00.004-06:00

So those of you who know us pretty well know that we've always struggled financially. We've been in debt for years and I know that most have assumed it's been because we spend like a couple of idiots.
Well, I'm going to clear a few things up, but mostly I'm going to address the auto industry.
When Tyler and I first got married I had a job and so did Tyler. We both had okay jobs. Mine was the better of the two. I had benefits and salary and Tyler worked as a grunt doing Heating & Air Conditioning for a business that was slowly going out of business.
Within a month, give or take a few days, I got pregnant unexpectedly. I was on birth control and we both wanted to be more financially stable before having children, but God and Lacie both had different plans. She came before we were ready.
I got sick while pregnant with her and almost suffered a miscarriage! My Dr. told me to QUIT my job and get on bed rest or lose my baby. So I quit. I was not sacrificing my own child for stupid money.
I have a bad back, have had a bad back for some time, and Tyler's back wasn't perfect either, so we opted to get a four-door car. We had a two-door, my own I brought into the marriage, and it was just too much pulling the seat forward and bending over carrying heavy things. We learned with a move that it was a very painful thing to endure and figured that with a baby in a car seat it would be even worse.
So with our zero-interest car that we owed a mere 10,000.00 on it and the payments were manageable. We went to Larry H. Miller Used Car Sales in Sandy, Utah, and brought our nice car with us (well, sorda nice. It had a dent in one door and the tranny had died on us TWICE already & been replaced with obviously not a new one each time) and asked what they had that we could do a trade for.
We had 1,000.00 bucks with us for a down payment.
Now this is where we got royally screwed. Totally taken advantage of. We were naive, foolish, young, trusting. We traded in our car and gave them the 1,000.00 bucks (CRY CRY!!!!) for a car worth only about 9,000.00 or 10,000.00 at best. They told us it was worth a lot more than that but it was a brand new car so wasn't in the books yet. It was a Chevy Cavalier, 4-door, automatic, gold, 5,000 miles on it. (We suspect it had been a rental previously).
They took our car that was a midnight blue with a sunroof and in perfect condition minus the smell dent in the door (very easily fixed they assured us) and told us they'd do the trade for about 5,000.00. HALF of what we owed on it. So that was 6,000.00 that was supposed to be taken out of the new car that they said was worth 20,000.00. That's a load of BULL CRAP!!! That car was NOT worth half that much! So we paid them 21,000.00 dollars and they got a FREE car and 1,000.00 in cash!!!
So we got this new crappy, ugly little car (four-doors) for 21,000.00, gave them a nice car for free, and had a payment of 330.00 a month and insurance that was around 500.00 a month (due to bad driving & paying full liability, and Geico is expensive), and these two bills were to be what has sunk us to this day.
We had no idea how awfully we were screwed. We had no idea what pains and trials this would bring us, what sorrows and hardships and debt. It caused us so much pain!!! To this day we are paying for this car.
This car kept us from getting a house of our own when Tyler finally got a good job working out at Tooele Army Depot (he was forced to quit because of nepotism, but for even stupider and more selfish reasons I cannot write here).
We struggled for a while and would NOT have survived had the Church not stepped in and helped us until Tyler got another good job, a year or so later, working for Gunther's Comfort Air in American Fork.
Meantime I got pregnant again and got really sick in this pregnancy.
We did NOT believe in Mother being away from tiny little babies, making day care raise them, while Mother went out to seek her own selfish pursuits in life (i.e. school, career). So I stayed home with the chicklets.
I got very sick and had to have surgery WHILE pregnant with Sophie, the 2nd baby. I was induced early and a tiny, sick baby was born. She wasn't as tiny as they get of course, but for US she was tiny and not ready to be here. I was in labor for 25 hours because she didn't want to come yet; she wasn't ready.
Anyway, after she was born my health deteriorated very rapidly. Nobody believed me. I suffered a great deal. More than anybody knew.
I was diagnosed with Post Postpartum Depression, and then about a year after was diagnosed with severe Acid Reflux Disease & Hypothyroidism. I then broke my foot and walked on it for months before I finally got it checked out. That cost us. But I didn't want to be the weak one, ya know?
Then I got Mono. Then I got into a car accident and hurt my back and neck and broke my right hand. Then I got mono again. Then my thyroid spiraled out of control again.
The entire time I was gaining weight, we were falling further and further into debt.
We took out credit cards and school loans and personal loans at the credit unions to pay our BASIC NECESSITIES. We used them to pay for food, gasoline, insurance, medicine, co-payments, medical debts, phone, you name it. We were SUNK, and continued to sink.
When we moved to Orem we did do one stupid thing. Instead of paying down our stupid car that had been financially killing us for years we used our tax return to buy new furniture. We had finally caught up on most our debt, but school, and so felt like we could finally get something nice.
Well, that would prove to be our next biggest mistake.
I got sicker and sicker. If any of you could possibly comprehend what I've been going through then you'd have some empathy for what we went through, what I went through. It was very, very hard. Not to mention stress from relationships I cannot name here, either.
The medication I was taking for the Postpartum Depression and Anxiety I suffered from had two major side effects: serious drowsiness & insomnia. I didn't realize this.
Well, then I got more sick. I'd wake up in a paralyzed state, LITERALLY! I was exhausted beyond description. My mono flared back up, and I was in severe amounts of pain, weak, SICK.
I then was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea, Migraines (had them daily), and my Endometriosis began to spread and cause more pain and suffering.
I tried to keep a job. I had one for 6 months before I had to quit.
Now I've been diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis.
I have several diseases that do get debilitating. I don't even know if I've listed everything here.
But the point is, I can almost NOT have a job because of these illnesses I have. They cause MAJOR amounts of pain and suffering, sickness, weakness, fatigue. I cannot even begin to describe it!!
So these were adding to our debt.
Then Tyler lost his job.

Now we've sunk.

We have more than 2200 a month MINIMUM going out and just over 1300 coming in. That's impossible to live by.

So that's why we're where we're at.

P.S. If I lost weight I would NOT lose some of these disease contrary to popular belief. Stop blaming me for our circumstances. I've done my absolute BEST I possibly could do to help, believe me! So has Tyler.

THE END.

The Reason for the Pain

2009-09-22T16:25:00.002-06:00

I went to my Euro-Gyn today for the 3rd time. The last time I went he put a camera in my bladder (not recommended as past-time entertainment).
Today he told me I have Interstitial Cystitis. It's a non-curable disease of the bladder.
I also have Endometriosis in the bladder, as presumed.
So no wonder for all the pain!!
Now I have 3 more meds to add to my daily routine of medications. Not sure if I can afford them so it just may have to sit on the back burner along with my Acid Reflux meds. I'm pretty darn sure I'm getting an ulcer because of the untreated Reflux. The pain is getting more intense than I care to admit.
The bladder disease I have is incurable and will need to be operated on in the future. He told me they don't know what causes it or if it's inherent but that those who have Hypothyroidism and Endometriosis tend to get it, but not always, they're just linked somehow and they don't know how.
Pretty much my bladder can't hold as much as a normal persons, I'm more inclined to frequent infections and I can't go see my reg doc for those, I have to be tested via catheter YIPEEEEE!!!!!
The disease explains the pain I have, and it's pretty narly pain. Certain foods and drink aggravate it as well, and the list is kinda big of foods and drinks to avoid. Not sure if I'll be able to stick to that. A couple of the things on the list are lemons and tomatoes. I LOVE these two foods!!!
Anyway, I could go into detail on what this disease entails and what it's done to my bladder but instead I'll just provide a link for y'all to read yourselves.
He didn't remove the Endometriosis from my bladder because he said it wasn't necessary. It does cause pain so whatever.
Okay so click on the words above to see what they're about to understand me, k?

Also, another interesting thought. I'm really kinda grateful that Tyler's truck broke down when we were together and during the day because if not it would've broken down while Tyler was at work! That's in the middle of the night and his phone doesn't work. He'd be completely stranded and there wouldn't be a store open to help. It would've been BAD. So that was a blessing! It had to happen regardless, so thank God that it happened when and where it did!

Okay now back to "mothering" my sinus and ear infections and sore throat and aching belly

Roller-Coaster with the Job!!!!!!! :( :(

2009-09-02T17:06:00.002-06:00

Well things are not working out at Tyler's job, afterall. Either he has to stay there and get LESS than his unemployment or quit and keep his unemployment or have nothing coming in at all!
Talk about getting screwed!!
His boss and nice and all and likes Tyler and wants to keep him, but this is the deal.
He has cut out ALL driving time in pay, and Tyler does a LOT of driving!!!
We're talking 2-3 hours or more of driving per night! PLUS, the gas!
He has to drive to Murray and then from there to Riverdale. VERY FAR. It's not worth it! He spends 100+ in gas in his truck a week, at the minimum. That's more than a hundred from each puny check. It's 4.25 an hour less than what he was making at his previous job, and frankly, that wasn't even enough for us to get by. We have too many bills and debts to get as little as he's getting. We're sinking again and it's really frustrating. And now without a car for me I cannot work the job I have so I've practically been demoted and from what I can tell she's finding someone to take my place. So yeah. That's the end of that. Without a car I CANNOT do that job.
My brother gave us a car, which is was good brothers do, the only thing is it needs a part we have to order that will take a week and Tyler's never home to order it let alone install it!!!!
He's gone from 5:30 at night until 7 or 8:am the next day. He sleeps from then until about 4:00 or 5:00. So yeah, that's how much time he gets to do other things (1 hour!!!!). It's IMPOSSIBLE to work with, and for the tiny wage that he's getting it's not worth it!!
"a job is a job" does not work when it's not making a difference and it's actually making things worse.
Plus he's gone Friday and Saturday and Sunday nights to school and work. It's just ridiculous!! So no dates, no FHE, no running errands, NOTHING.
If he was making decent money then I wouldn't mind! I WOULD NOT MIND. But he is not.
He HATES it. I have encouraged him to keep the job and try to make it work but he does NOT want to go. He does NOT want to be there making jack squat, driving all over the place for nothing, and being around really foul-mouthed, drug-addicted, smoking & drinking and porn-watching men for hours at a time and only getting paid for 2/3 of the time with them, or less.

I guess we're going to see what happens. He's talking to Department of Workforce Services and, well, he may not have a choice.
Until he can find a better job we just may be screwed for a while longer.
This is totally unfair. GRRRRR.

Oh, and btw, he doesn't even work 40 hours a week!!! So it's not even possible to get overtime. With all the hours he's gone he doesn't get paid for all of them. Last night was 6 hours but we was gone ALLLLLLLLLL night long and all morning long!! The night before it was 8 hours and he was gone way longer than that. So pretty much this is a waste!!!!
And you know what sucks? If he QUITS he loses all of his benefits!! Then we'll for sure be out everything. We won't have a truck anymore, or food, or a house, or phones, internet, NOTHING. We'll be homeless.
And who cares?
Well, nobody who could help anyway.

I guess those who think they know better than us and think they are smarter than us have a million ideas as to what we can do and why we're where we're at, but if the tables were turned I'm sure you wouldn't be a cent off better than we are because if it's one thing Tyler and I are NOT it is being stupid.

Okay there was my little vent and frustration.

This job might work!! hmmmmmmmm ??

2009-08-30T20:46:00.004-06:00

So Tyler and I have been majorly stressing about his job and several other things as well.
So this is what we did.
I called the police to talk to them about this person calling the police on us and making false accusations and what our options are and so on. Well, he explained a bunch of things to me that I already knew and understand so that was all good and well then he told me that if they call again that when the police officer comes we can pursue things even further. The officer can contact the person and tell them that charges will be pressed if they continue these accusations that the officers, three times now, have seen with their own eyes are false.
Otherwise our only other choice is to move away. Or just bear with the annoyance of some weirdo that likes to stir up problems. Of course if they called DCFS then things would be really bad because, frankly, DCFS just isn't that straight or honest. They take kids from perfectly good homes and ignore cases that are very serious. Of course they do LOTS of good too, but it's too much of a risk, ya know? I NEVER call those people unless I really feel there is a deep concern to be addressed and I have seen with my own eyes the abuse or neglect that would require contacting them.

Okay, the next thing we did was meet with the bishop. He gave us advice and counsel, and was a great boost for us. We love our bishop, he's such a great man! He gave an exceptional lesson today in our combined meeting at church about forgiveness. Something I've found that I need to do a lot of these days, and often.

The next thing we did was I encouraged Tyler to call his boss, the owner, and get some things straightened out before he either just went to work or quit.
So he asked him about taxes, overtime, told him about the porn, etc. His boss said that Tyler's supervisor, Ron, was supposed to have given him his tax forms by the first day to sign so two weeks later he's going to make sure Ron gives them to him this time. Ron's been feeding Tyler a bunch of bull crap apparently. Tyler will get his overtime and he isn't a contractor but is an employee. Also, the porn outraged Tyler's boss, Kent, and he's going to fire the ENTIRE crew Tyler works on!!! He said he's really impressed with Tyler, really likes him, and is keeping only him and firing all the others. I'm guessing as soon as this Walmart project is over they're all gone. So, after talking to him Tyler feels SO much more peace about it and it's turning out to be a good deal after all. If he wasn't going to get his overtime then it would've been money down the drain with all the driving Tyler's been having to do.
He also told Tyler he'll pay him more when he gets his Plumber's Apprentice License. He can't until he gets that. So Tyler has to apply for it, get signatures for it, and take a test and pay some money for it. But he'll get paid a lot better with it, so that's his next goal.

So, the way things are headed this very minute is that we could end up staying right where we're at, Tyler has a job with zero benefits but potential. And, he'll take this job until something better opens up for him.
His boss, Kent, says he doesn't smoke or drink, doesn't allow or put up with pornography or any other crap like that, and has had to make some financial decisions based on the dishonesty of his employees and unfortunately those decisions affect every employee, and all because of a few dishonest and crooked and immoral employees that ruin it for the rest. Typical of how things are in life.

So, I'm feeling a lot more at peace about things. There are a few other things that have been stressing me out, but I think that they'll iron themselves out okay if we just watch our steps, take care of our own little family, and continue faithfully and prayerfully.

Tyler's job is worse than I thought!!!!

2009-08-28T14:58:00.006-06:00

So I know that I complained about Tyler's job in the last blog, and that I wrote very recently, but here I am again updating it even more after talking to Tyler today.
He got home in the very early hours of the morning and when I saw him today, this afternoon, he did NOT look happy at all! He looks miserable!! My poor Tyler!!!!

He told me today that not only do they cut the drive time out of his pay and the overtime hours out, but they expect him to go to the shop at 7:pm and he won't get paid until 9:pm!! So ANOTHER wasted 2 hours!!!
Also, he works with ex-cons, men on parole from prison, and those that are required to get tested for drugs regularly. He HATES it!! It is just too much for him. It's not a good place, especially for Tyler.
They all smoke all the time, like I said, but that has really made Tyler the most uncomfortable. It makes him physically sick. He HATES cigarette smoke and just cannot respect people who smoke like that. He thinks they're *sick*.

Then last night/this morning, he said it was just the ultimate. They speak so bad and are just the epitome of vulgar talking about sex and women's body parts in great and graphic detail and they're VERY VERY disrespectful. He hears this the entire time he's at work. And No he cannot put in head phones at his job. It's too dangerous. That and also every other word is the F word and that can get overly offensive.
Now he's tried to tune them out, but last night hit the worst. HIS BOSS brought porn to work!!!!! He brought it and ALL of them gathered around and were looking at it but Tyler. He kept away and was thoroughly disgusted. Tyler cannot respect a man who looks at that garbage and he was so offended by their disrespect and weakness and immoral behavior and speech that he had his boss sign his time card, loaded up and left.

Then his boss being a jerk called Tyler while Tyler was on his way home and said "where'd you go? I didn't dismiss you from work". Even though the time card was signed and the job was all done. I think he just didn't like that Tyler had left upset and wouldn't look at the porn with them.

Also, they stole two of his batteries!!! That was another 200.00 bucks down the drain!!!!!!!
Tyler is soooooooo mad and disappointed and disgusted.

TYLER TAKING THIS JOB AND WORKING HIS BUTT OFF SHOWS HIS LOVE FOR HIS FAMILY!!!!!!! HE'S DOING WHATEVER HE CAN TO TAKE CARE OF ALL OF US AND HE'S SACRIFICED SO MUCH AND ALL FOR NOTHING!!!!!!! I just hope and pray that our Heavenly Father sees Tyler's great efforts and loyalty and BLESSES HIM FOR IT with a decent job!! He DESERVES a good job!!! He's smart and a very hard worker, he has great work ethic.

So now I know why I wasn't super excited about this job. I couldn't feel really happy about it and I was SICK about it from the very beginning. Everyone kept telling me "don't stress about it. It'll work out" etc etc but I KNEW it was bad. This isn't on Tyler at all. I love Tyler so much and my respect for him just doubled! If that's possible ;). Tyler is a REAL MAN. He's a real man because HE works and doesn't make me do it, he's a real man because he does what it takes to take care of his family, and he's a real man ESPECIALLY because he stands up for what is right!!!!!!! He doesn't put up with this garbage and he's not going to any longer.
He's going to quit. And like always, I support him 100%.

I love to support my husband. Just like in the Proclamation to the World, Tyler and I support each other. I don't take over his job and he doesn't take over mine, that's not what it means. I support Tyler in all that he does trusting fully in him to do what is right because I know he will. Because Tyler keeps God's commandments to the best of his ability, and because I know his head is on straight, I trust him to always make the best choice. Of course he has flaws like we all do, but I choose not to dwell on them. Tyler knows that he has my full support and he's allowed complete freedom because he's his own man and he knows I respect that. I'm just so blessed to have married a man that continues to grow in leaps and bounds and WOW he's more of a man every day in my eyes.
I just keep praying that Heavenly Father will bless him with a decent job that he deserves.
I mean gosh, I can't even get a job and Tyler is way more qualified to get a better job than I can because of his experience.
If I had a car I'd get a part-time job. None of the businesses close to us that I could walk to are hiring. But you know, I feel that we're doing what we're supposed to be doing, even though many others doubt that. It's not up to other people what we do, it's between Tyler and I and the Lord, and I fully believe that we're doing what's right and the best we can.

Like Lacie going to public school. We both know it's RIGHT for her at this time. I don't know what the future holds, but it's the way Heavenly Father wants it right now. We live where he wants us right now, and we're doing the best we can and that's all Heavenly Father asks is that we do our best.
After all, he has told us that we should not run faster than we are able. I see too many people doing this and it's not healthy on many levels.

Okay now I'm rambling. I just have a lot to write right now. I have a lot in my mind. And a lot in my heart.
Soon I get to go walk and pick up my perfect little Lacie from school at her second day at school. She's such a good girl and I'm sure had a great time today. She was so excited to go she forgot to say Bye to me!! hahaha.

I love my little family with all my heart and they're everything to me. My entire world! And they're more important to me than school or a job or my own personal endeavors/desires and I feel extremely blessed to have them in my life.

So I'm feeling depressed....... :(

2009-08-28T02:03:00.003-06:00

I wish I didn't feel this way right now but I'm sad. I'm sad that Lacie can't go to the Charter School that accepted her because I couldn't find her a ride there and I feel like I've let her down. I'm sad that even though Tyler DID officially get hired at his job, he's only making as much as he did on unemployment! I'm so mad about that. He has 2 1/2 years experience and is working GRAVEYARDS and loooooong hours and shares his tools and gets paid the same as people just starting getting trained!! AND, this makes me even more sad and mad, he doesn't get paid legal overtime. His boss "banks" his money! His boss doesn't record their long hours overtime that they work so that he can pay them under the table cash by the hour so he doesn't have to pay them time-and-a-half. I'm like WHAT??? So his boss is basically STEALING from Tyler and all his co-workers.
AND, another thing that makes me sad, is that not only is his boss doing that but he just stopped paying for their travel time. So the hour spent driving to work and from work he's not paid for so that's another 2 hours lost of his time. He's driving his own truck there and hauling things for them and they *say* they'll pay for the gas, etc., but we have yet to see it. If Tyler doesn't drive himself then he gets stuck with a car full of men who smoke the entire hour drive to and from work, with their dirty vulgar language and attitudes. It's made Tyler feel SICK.
He did NOT want to go to work tonight!!! He has a very very sore throat, it's swollen and red, and he can't go to the doctor!! And then he'll have to be around dishonest, lazy, dirty, vulgar, smoking people all night long which he HATES. He gets along with everybody, but that doesn't mean he likes what stuff people do. It doesn't mean he supports people's bad behavior. So he's really struggling right now.
He and I both feel that this job is very temporary and we're just praying our hearts out that he gets a better job! There have been a few potentially really good job openings that Tyler has applied for that he qualifies for and we're just really hoping Heavenly Father blesses us with one of these jobs! I really, really feel Tyler deserves it, we all do!

So I'm sitting up feeling restless and sad tonight. Our sleep schedules are messed up right now and we're confused as to what's going to happen with us soon.
Lacie just started school and it's going to break my heart and hurt her to have to get up and move her to another school when we have to move in a month. :(

Another thing that's got me all upset is that there's a neighbor who doesn't like me. Not for anything I've done, I promise. She doesn't like me for being an active Latter Day Saint. (one of the only ones in the neighborhood. The other active lady is hated, too).
Anyway, she has called the police on me 3 times now!!! She has lied to the police telling them that we lock the girls outside and don't let them back in and let them play in the street all day. It's sickening that she could say such awful things! So the police are seriously tired of having to come out on these phony calls. They tell me they have to come and that they can see that I am OBVIOUSLY supervising my girls and that they are NOT locked out and that these calls are a waste of their time and money to come out on. The last cop said he was going to contact the person who keeps calling and tell her to knock it off or we'll press charges of harassment and that she's wasting time and money on making stories up that they just don't have time to deal with.
So we'll see how that goes.

Anyway, pray that Tyler gets either the job at the U of U Cardiologist center as the EKG Tech or out at Tooele Army Depot working for the Gov't as an EMT. Both jobs have benefits and pay well and we'd have to move, but we need that. I just feel soooo sad and bad for Lacie! My poor little girl!!

I thank Heavenly Father for the job Tyler did get! Even though it's been very hard on all of us and it's not the best circumstances and it's not honest how he's being paid, but a job's a job! He also has to work on Sunday nights, which is SO disappointing!! They're PLUMBERS! It's weird to work graveyards and Sunday's and weekends.
I also thank Heavenly Father for my two healthy and beautiful daughters. I thank him for a husband that is more than willing to do whatever it takes to take care of me and the girls, despite the working conditions, despite how tired he gets, despite everything! He's such an amazing man and I'm so lucky to have him! I know too many men these days that are soft and a bit selfish and just won't do it. It gets to the point to where they just expect their wives to pick up and make the money on top of cooking and cleaning and watching kids. It's completely unfair and wrong I think. I'm so blessed to have a husband who is not like this!
I also am so grateful for my testimony, Tyler's testimony, our activity in the church, and that we can go to the Temple together, that we're an Eternal family, and that we have a nice landlord that has been working with us. I'm grateful for my talents, I'm grateful for supportive family and friends, and I'm grateful for all the millions of avenues I have to reach out for knowledge, support, guidance, direction, love and peace.
I will continue to be faithful and pray that something works out for us so that we can start paying our bills off so poor Tyler can get his throat and ears checked and I can get my heart checked (it's getting worse every day. I can't even tell you how awful it feels now).

Okay, now hopefully I can get some sleep tonight. I've been sleep deprived for days now. Like 3-4 hours of sleep a night, even less than Tyler's been getting. I'm just way overly stressed and anxious.

Lacie's First Day of School!!!!!!!

2009-08-28T01:41:00.009-06:00

Lacie's first day of Kindergarten!!
She's been SO excited!!! August 27th, 2009

Here is her class and her teacher Mrs Vitters getting started as us parents slowly wandered out of the room. (right picture).

Lacie is sitting next to Kioni and says bye-bye to mommy on her first day! (left picture).

Here is Lacie with one of her friends, Kioni. They were so happy to be in the same class! (middle picture).

Lacie putting her backpack away. (right).

She got her name tag! (left).

Here she is waiting to go into her classroom. She was so excited! And I thought she looked so darling! I love her little outfit. (middle).

Here is Lacie standing in front of her school, Windsor Elementary.

So my baby is no longer a baby!! She's already 5 1/2 and going to school!! We had wanted her in a Charter School and ESPECIALLY after I visited the charter school that accepted her on the 25th (a week after they'd already started) and then visited the regular public school it became obviously apparent that the Charter School would be the best place for Lacie because she'd learn so much more and thrive so much better.
But, unfortunately, we have no car and so I have NO WAY to get her to the Charter School! I've cried over it, honestly, because I want the best for Lacie and I feel like I've let her down. Now the school she's going to is one of the best in the valley, so I've heard, so I'm okay with that. I'm happy with that, actually.
Tyler and I had made it a matter of prayer of where Lacie should go to school whether it was public or homeschool and honestly and surprisingly to me we both felt that public was the right choice for her. It may just be Lacie that goes to public, or it may just be this year, but I don't know yet. I guess we'll see what the Lord has planned for my baby Lacie.
I walked Lacie to school and when the crossing guard blocked traffic for just Lacie and I and she smiled huge at Lacie and said, "have a good day!", I started to cry!! Lacie, of course, was gabbing my head off the entire walk and I had a hard time answering her because I was so emotional. I didn't want her to know I was crying. I managed to hide it. I didn't want her to think I was sad and upset her. So anyway, yes I've cried a few times already!
Then when she got out of school Tyler, Sophie & I walked back to get her. We'll be walking her to and from school every day until we have to move, which will probably be sooner than we want.

Tyler might have a job!!!!!!!

2009-08-21T00:42:00.002-06:00

So Tyler is working for the 2nd night in a row as a PLUMBER!!!! lol He got the job from our next door neighbor! He referred Tyler and they called him and had him start emmediately. It's so cool! Only thing is it's alllllll night long! UNGH! I hate having him gone at night. It's hard to go to bed without him and hard to get the girls to bed without him. There went our nightly routine as a family. I still do my best, though, and it's only been two nights.
He works like 10-18 hour shifts!! So it's super insane. He doesn't work every night, though. We'll see how that goes. We're not sure what they're going to pay him, either. He's doing the job of a certified plumber so that's really good. He's not just the grunt man. He knows what he's doing and he's a hard worker. I'm so proud of him!
He's taking 1 month off of school. This would've been his CNA module but he's taking his EMT course still and the CNA teacher wasn't willing to work with him since he'd be missing one night a week. It was a annoying, but it worked out perfectly anyway for him to get this job. When he's done with the EMT in Sept then he'll go do his CNA and go from there.
We really hope they pay him decent at this plumbing job. It's very hard work and very demanding and all night long. We have thousands and thousands in medical bills and we're starting to drown in them. We thought we were starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel then more health problems arose and we're starting to get the bills for them. They're in the thousands. It's just so overwhelming! If it continues on like this we'll have to do medical bankruptcy and never get into a house then. I hope it doesn't have to go down that way!!!

So because of our medical bills I'm unable to see doctors I desperately need to see. I saw a Uro-Gyn last week and he did some tests. I have to see him two more times for him to look in my bladder for tumors or endometriosis or polyps to see why there's blood in my urine and why I'm in so much pain most of the time. I'm worried about this because we don't have insurance, and this job doesn't offer insurance, and if I get diagnosed with something WOW we're just really screwed and I'm scared to death! I already have so many other diseases and problems that I don't think insurance will ever cover me again since we lost ours when Tyler got laid off.
I'm also supposed to see my Endometriosis/PCOS Specialist to see if I need surgery for that or whatever. I'm going to have to cancel that appointment. We cannot afford it. I'm also supposed to see a Fertility Specialist that my Uro-Gyn referred me to. I cannot afford that, either.
I possibly have a heart problem/disease and so if I were to get pregnant now anyway it could probably kill me, so everything has to be on hold for now.
I also have run out of my thyroid meds and my migraine meds so I'm REALLY suffering right now. Doctors who were never really poor don't seem to get it. They think of they squeeze and squeeze you until you're near death or something they'll finally get some money but when there's NO money there's NO money, life or death, that's just the way it is. So meantime I'm really suffering. The pain I'm in is nearly intolerable, how sick I feel, the depression, everything, it's almost too much to handle.

Also we're carless. We have our old truck but I can't drive it. And it's a gas hog. So no-where we'll be going. We hope to find a junk car for around 500.00 for me to use. That's the plan anyway. And we'll have to use money from Tyler's new job for that, of course.

Also, Lacie has an appointment with a bone specialist at Primary Children's Medical Center. Thank Heavens she has Medicaid!!! She's seriously pidgeon-toed and her feet and legs are always hurting her. I remember that pain when I was growing up. I had to have braces and she will too, or surgery to correct it. Hopefully the braces will be good enough. She has a hard time and trips a lot, poor girl!!

Lacie starts school next week!!!! She's going to our local elementary school for Kindergarten and I'm SO excited!!! I'm also really sad. I've already cried a bit about her going and I just know that first day I'll be crying! My baby is growing up!!! She's getting so old now! :( At least I'll have 3 hours every day with just Sophie and I, so that's good. Sophie REQUIRES lots of one-on-one time. She's exactly like her daddy. Without constant mommy attention she's getting into lots of trouble, just like her daddy did (and still does if I'm not giving him lots of attention hahaha). It's not a bad thing, just requires lots of motherly love, and that's what God blessed us mothers with, right? :)

Okay, back to my awful migraine that will not go away and my awful cramps and sickness and BLAH lol!

PS I am happy, and I am positive, and I am counting my blessings and am very hopeful. I don't walk around all gloom and doom. Sorry if I seem to complain so much, I'm just open and honest and like to let those who care know what's going on so when you see me you'll know why I look so worn down, fat and miserable HAHAHAHA ;)

The Stress & Pressure reached some sort of a climax

2009-08-06T01:35:00.004-06:00

Okay so I've been waiting to write in here again for hopefully some good news for a change, but there's not been a LOT of that, but there is definitely new things that have happened.
The stress Tyler and I BOTH carry is so huge right now. Sophie has been very difficult to deal with and we're not sure if it's a phase or if it's more serious than that. She's been seeing a Child Psychologist and that's great. She's so good with Sophie and she gets to play the entire time. It's cute.
Still no job for Tyler. He's been applying for jobs EVERY SINGLE DAY and I've been looking for him and so have other people. I've been applying for jobs, too.
I did get a part-time job working for Women in Business Magazine selling advertising space. I've had NO luck with that whatsoever!! I've spent hours calling people and emailing people with nothing coming from it. My boss has encouraged me to go door-to-door but I just haven't been able to do that in this last week at all!
Well, y'all know that I have lots of health issues. Not one of them are made up or exaggerated as I KNOW that some people think they are. I don't lie about my health. I'm just not used to being unhealthy and fat. Think about that for a second, k? I grew up very healthy, energetic, super skinny and athletic and never took a break from all my activities. I was a go-getter and worked my butt off. Being sick, having surgery, being hurt, NOTHING slowed me down. Of course I'd bounce right back from that stuff cuz I was in such good and healthy shape.
Then I got pregnant with Sophie and that all came crashing down.
Having Gall Bladder Disease is different than gall stones or slush/mud or whatever in the gall bladder. It's a disease, not something brought on by poor eating habits or being overweight. I was underweight. Anyway, I had that while pregnant with Sophie. It made me very ill. I lost lots of weight. So I HAD to have it out during my pregnancy. After getting it out I developed a serious form of Acid Reflux Disease. Not just little bitty heart burn. Acid Reflux feels SO MUCH WORSE than heart burn!! Trust me, I know cuz I have both and always had heart burn.
Then my thyroid went south. Try going along life with a malfunctioning thyroid all of a sudden. It's a shock!!! It's still up and down like a yo-yo and it's very taxing. I'm losing all my hair and that's the least of the problems it's caused.
My health problems have been coming steadily since I carried Sophie. A broken hand, thumb, foot. Mono twice. Pneumonia. Daily migraines. Sleep Apnea. Now Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome and my endometriosis is worse. You realize that endo. is messed up, right? It can cement your insides to each other and can be excruciatingly painful and debilitating. PCOS causes all sorts of problems!!! Anyway, the list is HUGE. Sure I don't have Diabetes or Cancer or Multiple Sclerosis, but you know what? I'd rather have ONE health problem like that than multiple ones like mine that hit me all at once!!!!
Plus the weight gain. Wow. Try gaining like 50 lbs in 3 years, people, on a small frame. It's very taxing and painful! It puts so much pressure and strain on your body. It's different than always having been heavy, ya know? My body is not used to this!!!
Sorry I complain so much. Just try to see where I'm coming from!!! All of this IN 3-4 YEARS!!!! It's VERY SUDDEN and a LOT to handle!!!
To top it off Tyler lost his job, I can't make hardly a penny to help out, we lost our car, we almost got evicted, we've been sued............ okay I can go on but you all have heard all that before. It's just been a lot!
I know those who haven't been through what we're going through can judge and say we brought it on ourselves or that we're doing something wrong.
NOT. Sorry to let you down, but it's nothing stupid we've done. I promise.
I prayed about all of these things we've been going through and Heavenly Father told me as plain as day that Tyler and I are BOTH REQUIRED to go through it. There's NO OTHER WAY. So that helps me to know that.

Okay, so all of this has been giving both Tyler and I major chest pains and headaches and migraines.
Tyler's chest pains were bad when he was in his EMT class so the paramedics said, "no screwing around where chest pain is" and sent him via ambulance to the Emergency Room!
So I get this phone call from a fairly calm Tyler saying they think he might be having a heart attack or something else and to come to him. He wanted me there. He didn't say to call anyone else. All I could think of was MY ETERNAL COMPANION WAS IN THE ER POSSIBLY DYING!!!!!!!! I'm NOT going to be thinking of anyone else except maybe mine and his parents.
Really sucky thing was his parents were in Idaho celebrating Joe's (Tyler's little brother) graduation from PA school. Which was totally narly!!!! But they couldn't be here!!
Anyway, I had NO way of getting to Tyler so I called my dad first to tell him and ask for a ride. Dad said to call Daniel cuz he was here in town near me so I called Daniel to get a ride. Then I called Tyler's dad. While Tyler and my dad were talking to me I was already on Facebook and so I felt impressed to write my status letting my friends and family know that way. There was NO WAY I was going to call his siblings or mine or our friends about this cuz I'm Tyler's number 1 and he's my number 1 and my first priority was to get myself to my husband's side. Well, I knew that our dads would let our siblings know, cuz that's just how that works out right?
Anyway, it took FOREVER for my bro to get to me!!!! I waited 45 minutes. I was such a wreck!!!!! I finally got to my husband's side and when he saw me he just teared up and I held him and we cried.
It was so scary and really shook us both up so much!!!!!
I was so glad that my parents and sister and two of tyler's siblings could get there to be with him while he waited for me.
Anyway, that was so taxing on me.
I mean I could've lost my husband of almost 7 years and my Eternal Companion and father of my children and my best friend!!!!!!! I was so upset!!!
Okay, so that happened.
Then just like two or three days later a very inconsiderate and VERY MISINFORMED AND GOSSIPED TO person told me basically that it was my fault that Tyler had those chest pains and told me to make sure it would never happen again.
OH MY GOSH I ABOUT DIED!!!!!!! I was SO SHOCKED and hurt and taken aback and disgusted. Wow. HOW COULD SOMEBODY SAY THAT TO SOMEONE??????????
I can only assume this person was greatly misinformed about how things run at my house AND it was NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!
They wouldn't even tell me what they were talking about... no details, no explanation, nothing. I'm still left guessing what they were getting at. I'm still bothered by it, and I shouldn't be! I should just forget it and let it go!!!
Well, with that weighing me down then having problems with me sharing about MY husband to my own family and friends (a couple people didn't like me talking about MY husband and publicly humiliated me) and then my husband being pressured by people....... WOW. It was way too much.
I hit my breaking point.
I really did.
Tyler is doing okay now. He still has some chest pain but it's not heart attack. He's undiagnosed for now. When we get insurance BOTH Tyler and I will be seeing my dad's cardiologist who is just EXCELLENT. Gary Symkoviak I think in SLC. Anyway, it's really expensive, but I've been told by my reg doc and other docs I see to get my heart checked ASAP. I just haven't because it costs so much!!! So we'll just have to wait.
Anyway, all of this was just too much. TOO MUCH!!!!
I haven't had a break or vacation in such a very long time. There hasn't been a break of breathing room or good news in such a long time for us that it's just been too much. Then on top of that I have all these people from a specific group that really despise me and blame me for everything and have no compassion, empathy, understanding, love, charity or anything for me and they just constantly go up and down with me and when it's down they really beat me!!!! It's more than anyone can take.
I'D HAD IT.
I hurried upstairs on Monday afternoon to cry where Tyler and the girls wouldn't hear me. But I'd also started having an asthma attack. I'm not sure if it was from allergies or from the stress/anxiety, but I have a feeling it was the latter.
The asthma made it very difficult to breath and so I hid my face in my bed to sob. I couldn't help it. I was more upset than I realized and I sobbed very hard and loudly so I tried to keep myself quiet. I don't cry very often. I feel pathetic when I do.
So while I was sobbing and trying to breath I kept coughing and coughing anc crying harder and harder. I got more and more upset. I'm sure the adversary was playing with me. Using others as tools to pull me down and using my own insecurities to make it all worse.
I started to hyperventilate. I couldn't stop!! It got worse and worse. I remember thinking "i can't breath! I can't get air in!" and I couldn't stop!! I tried but could not. I kept coughing and sobbing and gasping for air and felt trapped. I couldn't even move. I was seeing stars and black around my eyes and soooo weak and cold. I remember Sophie coming in and saying, as if I'd called for her, "What mommy?" I know that Heavenly Father sent her in to me to save me. She went and got daddy cuz suddenly Tyler had put me on my side. He was talking to me but I don't know what he was saying. I remember he asked me if I wanted him to call the paramedics and I shook my head NO! I did NOT want that attention or embarrassment!!! Esp after Tyler had already been hauled in the ambulance just a few days before!!
I remember Tyler helping me stand and walk. I couldn't hardly even move my own feet! It was so weird and hard! I felt weak, heavy, uncoordinated, and confused. He managed to get me to the ER and I guess a neighbor lady took the girls.
At the ER I remember a lady saying my name and looking me right in my face and forcing my eyes open. There was a mask on my face and it made it harder to breath and it was so hard! I couldn't even move my hands to take the mask off! I wanted it OFF my face! I was so cold and I remember the room was really bright. Then she was telling me to hold my breath. It was so hard!!! I would try but would cough instead. But I guess it did help. After what seemed like an Eternity my gasps of air weren't so strong and hard and I was soooooooooo tired!!!! I felt like I'd just run a marathon! And YES I know what it's like to run a very long distance, people. Remember I used to be in top notch shape and used to run very fast in very long distances.
Then I think I fell asleep. Then I remember seeing Tyler and I was okay. I could suddenly breath. I was just soo exhausted. Then the pain came.
It started in my neck, head and back. And then my legs, arms, then finally my chest then my lungs. WOW it hurt!! I was so sore I felt like I'd been beat up. I also realize at that time that I was soaking wet with sweat!! Yuck!
All I could do was apologize to Tyler over and over again. I felt like such a fool.
Tyler later told me that at home my respirations were at 84 a minute which is like what a newborn breaths. And my pulse was at 104. My heart was super racing. I couldn't even feel my heart during all of this so that surprised me.
Just try to breath in and out as fast as you possibly can and hard and that's what it was like. Then do that for AN HOUR STRAIGHT.
My blood pressure was 143/84 or something like that. VERY HIGH for me. I'm normally 115/72 or less. Over time these dropped, of course.
If I hadn't gotten control with the mask and trying to control it myself they would've intubated me and knocked me out to save my life.
Tyler said I was hanging by a thread pretty much. It was very serious.

So yeah, there you go. I had an adventure.
That let me know that I've reached my limit. Or hopefully I have or hopefully I haven't. I know that the Lord doesn't put us through more than we can handle, so I am just praying that things will start to work out for us now.

Now, one bit of possible really good news that we just got tonight!!
Tyler got a letter back from the University of Utah Cardiology Department saying that his resume and application have been submitted to the hiring department!!!!!!!!!!!!! So he is so close to getting the job!!!!! Of course they let him know that this can take weeks, but that's okay because our contract is up Oct 1 and if it all works out just right we could move up to SLC at that time if Tyler gets this job. WOW it would be sooooo wonderful!
This job is an on-call job but full time. Pretty narly, eh? He'd be an EKG Technician. (heart monitoring stuff).

You know what? I'm really soooo proud of my Tyler!!! I KNEW he had it in him!! And you know what also? If I'd gone to work full time and gone to school I don't know if he would've realized his strength and potential. We BOTH followed the spirit when it came to making these decisions. You know that in each family and marriage that choices they make are between the two and with God, not anybody else, and these are the decisions we made based on following the Spirit. It's been hard, but it's been worth it so far.
I am proud of both of us for remaining faithful in the Gospel of Jesus Christ throughout all of this. Our faith has been greatly tried and we've been tempted and toyed with and ridiculed, rejected, backstabbed, hurt, attacked, and so on and so forth enough that I think it could've caused anybody to lose their faith and fall away. But our testimonies remain firm, we continue in faith, and that brings peace and happiness into our home. That brings strength to ride these currents that we could not have gained in any other way. I know this with all my heart!!

So there's our latest update as of now.
If any of you don't like what I write, too bad, cuz this is about MY PERSONAL EMMEDIATE FAMILY! lol
And I feel impressed to share our story, as personal as some of you may find it, I'm going to continue to follow impressions I receive, even if it includes posting updates on Facebook and Twitter, etc. lol

Anyway, I am so grateful for marrying Tyler. He's grown by leaps and bounds and has turned into such a strong and good man!!! He truly is my "knight in shining armour"!!! I try my best at supporting him in everything as he does for me. I let him pretty much do whatever he wants because I know he'll always make the righteous and smart choice. He's such a good man and has come through so much. I am so grateful for the Gospel and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The people are NOT PERFECT!!!!! But the church is, period. I know that the commandments and "rules" God gives us is for our good and if we follow them faithfully we'll be happy and feel fulfilled and satisfied. If we keep our faith and endure we are blessed and Christ literally helps carry our burdons so that they don't feel as heavy as they really are. I know that Christ is living and that he loves me and that he KNOWS my heart and what I'm going through. I know he's here for me. And I love how I was brought up in the truthfulness and shown the correct way to go. I am so happy for such righteous parents that follow the commandments and have NEVER fallen away. They are so amazing to me in that way. And I know we all owe it to their parents for raising them so well, and so on and so forth. I hope to do the same for my dear daughters that God has entrusted us with to teach the truth and show the way to.
Anyway, I know these things in my heart. And I know anybody can if they want to and if they seek for it.
Good night y'all. Have a good one, and if you feel so inclined, pray that Tyler gets this EKG Tech job at the U of U. It'd be such a relief!!!!!!!